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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Opinions please! Is this nasty?

181 replies

Deepdown · 11/07/2022 15:49

My daughters birthday is coming up. My OH, her stepdad said were not getting her a cake because we didn't buy his kids one. Their mother bought theirs and sent it to ours with the kids. So they still had a cake.
My daughter has no one else to buy her a cake only us two, her dad has nothing to do with her.

Is this nasty or is it reasonable?

OP posts:
ToadiesCouzin · 12/07/2022 18:30

I'm glad you stood up to him btw OP, but why are you still with him?

Spohn · 12/07/2022 20:43

It’s the absolute bare minimum that when you chose to have a kid, you prioritise that kid over your sex life. Get this low quality male out of your child’s home. Do not inflict any future boyfriend on her until you’ve done extensive work on yourself and basic decency standards.

The fact that you even need to ask of depressing as fuck.

EnSextant · 12/07/2022 20:47

Deepdown · 12/07/2022 05:58

The backstory..

His kids birthdays I was going shopping and asked if he wanted me to pick a cake up while I'm out. He says no I'd leave it because XXXXX is buying one and she's sending it here, there's no point having two they'll only get wasted. Fair point imo so it was left at that.

We was talking about my daughters birthday. He just comes out with.. we will spend the same money wise but she's not having a cake because we didn't buy my kids one. I say their mother bought there's though, they still had one. If XXXXX hadn't got them one we would have.

He says I'm not doing it because then XXX has had more than my kids. I says I'm not letting her go without cake on her birthday that's horrible and then he just went quiet and said it's upto me.
I either pissed him off or he realised what he'd actually just said.

I wish you'd said more than that you were not letting her go without a cake on her birthday (though that's a start). You ought to have followed it up with "and I'm leaving you, you complete bellend."

catandcoffee · 12/07/2022 21:00

He's a nasty bastard. Why would you allow him to tell you what you can, and can't buy for your daughter ?

StopStartStop · 13/07/2022 15:06

Spohn · 12/07/2022 20:43

It’s the absolute bare minimum that when you chose to have a kid, you prioritise that kid over your sex life. Get this low quality male out of your child’s home. Do not inflict any future boyfriend on her until you’ve done extensive work on yourself and basic decency standards.

The fact that you even need to ask of depressing as fuck.

This.

billy1966 · 13/07/2022 15:17

@Spohn

"Depressing as fxxk" sums this thread up.

Some children really have the sadest lives, sacrificed at the alter of their mothers need for any nasty loser that comes near them.

Utterly shameful.

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