Opinions please! Is this nasty?

[Deepdown]

My daughters birthday is coming up. My OH, her stepdad said were not getting her a cake because we didn't buy his kids one. Their mother bought theirs and sent it to ours with the kids. So they still had a cake.
My daughter has no one else to buy her a cake only us two, her dad has nothing to do with her.

Is this nasty or is it reasonable?

I can't believe you'd even think about allowing that cunt to make the decision.

Agree with this. I hope you aren't married to this poor specimen.

Get rid ASAP. I can't believe any woman would lack the protective instinct to keep this creature away from her offspring.

Wtf, why are you asking this, buy your child a birthday cake how can you remotely think it’s reasonable to treat your own child like this?

is he horrible to her in other ways? I am guessing he is.

This

FGs LTB

This goes way beyond a cake. He is telling you how it's always going to be in the future, his kids will have everything and he will begrudge your DD anything.

Yes you could buy her a cake yourself now, but that isn't the end of it. Get rid of him. Don't let him get away with treating your DD as a very poor second best.

Seriously OP, this is not about cake. This is a way bigger deal than that.
Not only does this man presume to dicate what you buy for your own child, which shows you clearly who he thinks rules the roost; but he is also spiteful and unkind to your daughter. Who on earth begrudges a child a cake? Its beyond nasty, its abnormally unkind.
It might seem like a petty thing but he couldn't be giving you a clearer signal as to his character. And it's not good at all.

Yep.

It's an LTB-worthy level of nastiness

The fact that you needed to clarify this speaks volumes.
How long has he been gaslighting you into thinking you’re wrong about everything?

The vicious cunt has no say over whether your daughter is bought a birthday cake by you.

He's a twat. Kids love cake. It doesn't matter where it comes from. She'll be gutted if she doesn't have one, especially as her half/step siblings have had one.

My now- ex husband refused to wrap his own DS's first birthday and Christmas presents as he didn't know which were which. DS was ONE. IT DIDN'T MATTER!! Start of the slope ...

Buy a big cake and tell him to do one.

Very out of order. How much does a bloody cake from Sainsburys or Lidl cost or to make it for that matter?

I'd be thinking if he's unpleasant to her in other ways to be honest.

Of course he's being unreasonable.

their mother bought them a cake so it's not like they didn't have one.

each parent buying cake can get ott too. I have Ds with my ex. One year I bought him a cake, my ex turned up with one as did his mother. Total waste of money.

like you say, your Dd does not have anyone else to do so. Buy the bloody cake and tell him where to shove it!!

Maybe not quite that. But if OP chooses to stay with him (which she will) then make a bloody great big stink/song and dance about it with him, and he gets her a lovely present and is extra nice to her going forward if he isn't already (in front of OP).

So because he didn't buy his child a cake you can't buy your child a cake - is that really how you want to parent?

Why does he even get an opinion - not his child not his business

Nasty and controlling.
Please do not put this person before your dd.

First time I've ever said it... but LTB!!!!! I dread to think around the rest of his behaviour/attitude towards your daughter. Put her needs first FFS

Don’t get her a cake. Get her two. She deserves it having to put up with a shit of a step father.

Buy or make your child a cake for fuck’s sake.

YANBU unless of course there is a back story, ie you refused to buy his dc a cake on their birthday, hence the ex having to send one over.

Why do you need your OH's permission to buy a cake?

Why did you not just point & laugh when he advanced his insane non-cake-buyng notion at you?

What has he done to your self-esteem that you need to ask mumsnet whether he is a nasty bastard willing to use your 2 year old as a point-scoring pawn?

Get to a cakeshop.
Buy a cake.
Give your little kid a happy birthday.
Fuck your "OH" off asap, & focus on raising your child, bigging up your career, & having a happy life without a petty controlling arsehole in it.

It’s ridiculous, just buy a cake, as I am sure you would have done so anyway. No one would dictate to my about my child’s birthday arrangements, least of all someone that wasn’t their biological dad.

He has a very warped way of looking at things. Don't think I would want him in my child's life.

Your poor child.