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Original poster

Opinions please! Is this nasty?

181 replies

Deepdown · 11/07/2022 15:49

My daughters birthday is coming up. My OH, her stepdad said were not getting her a cake because we didn't buy his kids one. Their mother bought theirs and sent it to ours with the kids. So they still had a cake.
My daughter has no one else to buy her a cake only us two, her dad has nothing to do with her.

Is this nasty or is it reasonable?

OP posts:
Jewel7 · 11/07/2022 22:33

I don’t think it’s his choice what you do for your child. Plus his children still had cake! Seriously concerned for what else he decides in your life. Please think about your choices and how much you back down with him.

Ryah76 · 11/07/2022 22:41

He said what? .. and you’re going to allow your daughter’s birthday to ruined by this ‘man’. He obviously has a problem with your daughter- otherwise why be so spiteful?
If you go along with his plan - I guarantee it will be etched in your daughters memory.. you really don’t want that.

Closetbeanmuncher · 11/07/2022 22:44

Choose your daughter, any time and every time.

Original poster
Deepdown · 12/07/2022 05:58

The backstory..

His kids birthdays I was going shopping and asked if he wanted me to pick a cake up while I'm out. He says no I'd leave it because XXXXX is buying one and she's sending it here, there's no point having two they'll only get wasted. Fair point imo so it was left at that.

We was talking about my daughters birthday. He just comes out with.. we will spend the same money wise but she's not having a cake because we didn't buy my kids one. I say their mother bought there's though, they still had one. If XXXXX hadn't got them one we would have.

He says I'm not doing it because then XXX has had more than my kids. I says I'm not letting her go without cake on her birthday that's horrible and then he just went quiet and said it's upto me.
I either pissed him off or he realised what he'd actually just said.

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 12/07/2022 06:02

Thanks for coming back OP. But I’m afraid to say, that’s not a backstory. That’s just the longer version of the same story, which everyone had pieced together anyway. How much are you spending on a birthday cake that this is even an issue? They’re a fiver in Asda?

He’s gone quiet on you because he’s being petulant. LTB.

MsDogLady · 12/07/2022 06:44

He’s a controlling, mean-spirited pig who wants to deprive your daughter of her birthday cake. He is willing to crush her. I would never stay with such a hateful, man who treated my child with disdain. In what other ways does he attempt to coerce you?

He is also emotionally enmeshed with his Ex, and often prioritizes her over you while dismissing your feelings.

Surely you will remove him from your lives asap.

Poppyblush · 12/07/2022 06:50

I can’t believe you would be with this man… he clearly does not like your dd existence.

Ladybug14 · 12/07/2022 07:01

"" He says I'm not doing it because then XXX has had more than my kids. ""

He's a keeper (not)

Horrible man

AgentJohnson · 12/07/2022 07:14

You’re questioning this because the other instances of him being a total knob were not immediately apparent. How is this a discussion? No man would ever dare try and tell me what I could or couldn’t do for my daughter.

Come on OP, let his ridiculous illogical spitefulness be the catalyst for examining your relationship with this knob. That would be the ultimate gift for your DD.

layladomino · 12/07/2022 07:52

What a vile man. Please put your DD first and bin him.

Justcashnosweets · 12/07/2022 08:16

You should tell him you can buy your DD 10 cakes if you want, as she is YOUR daughter. What an absolute pig of a man. Honestly this attitude to my child would kill any feelings I had a for a partner.

Trulyweird1 · 12/07/2022 08:23

Well, he has shown himself to be a right charmer has he not?
You are probably very sad to realise that he is not the person you had thought or hoped he would be.
But neither you nor your daughter need to be around this horrible man. If you are not married, then kick him out or leave him.
If you are married then get advice. If he’s that mean about a child’s birthday cake, he will only get worse as she gets older.

Tohaveandtohold · 12/07/2022 08:23

You honestly don’t think you’re unreasonable right. That man is not a keeper surely. What a mean spirited human being. If he can begrudge her something as cheap as a cake, I really don’t know what to say

Snazzysausage · 12/07/2022 08:29

Awful.If you are able to, get your daughter a cake. He's a vindictive twat and you both deserve so much more.

Butchyrestingface · 12/07/2022 08:39

He says I'm not doing it because then XXX has had more than my kids. I says I'm not letting her go without cake on her birthday that's horrible and then he just went quiet and said it's upto me.

I either pissed him off or he realised what he'd actually just said.

He sounds as thick as pig shite, as well as petty and cruel.

But pounds to pennies you won't do what needs to be done. You'll just be another one of these posters appearing time and again to post more anecdotes about how your partner is a cunt to your kids.

Lookingoutside · 12/07/2022 08:58

Hi OP. How does it feel when you think about life without him. What do you see?

Covidagainandagain · 12/07/2022 09:14

Deepdown · 12/07/2022 05:58

The backstory..

His kids birthdays I was going shopping and asked if he wanted me to pick a cake up while I'm out. He says no I'd leave it because XXXXX is buying one and she's sending it here, there's no point having two they'll only get wasted. Fair point imo so it was left at that.

We was talking about my daughters birthday. He just comes out with.. we will spend the same money wise but she's not having a cake because we didn't buy my kids one. I say their mother bought there's though, they still had one. If XXXXX hadn't got them one we would have.

He says I'm not doing it because then XXX has had more than my kids. I says I'm not letting her go without cake on her birthday that's horrible and then he just went quiet and said it's upto me.
I either pissed him off or he realised what he'd actually just said.

I hope your OH and his ex are richer than you and the kids are as clever as yours. Otherwise where does this end?

No holidays, less presents than you want to give, no trips out. What if the other kids don't want to go to uni and yours does? What if your kids wants to study abroad and the others don't?

Your OH children have 2 parents spending money on them. But your OH wants you to match his spending for your child, so your child is effectively going to only get half what his children get, but he thinks that's fair?

Your child is not your OHs child. You need to put your foot down now that you and only you are responsible for making decisions about her and how much money gets spent on her. He doesn't get to decide how much you spend on her birthday never mind whether she gets cake.

This is a massive red flag OP I hope you don't ignore it and carry on with a man who is happy to see your child go without so long as it suits his world view.

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 12/07/2022 09:59

Oh God, I was hoping this thread wasn't real.

OP, the fact you even need to ask here shows what you think is right has been skewed, presumably by this man. Of course it's nasty not to get (or make) your DD a Birthday cake when his DC had one.

Get your DD a cake
Get rid of the idiot

LooseGoose22 · 12/07/2022 10:25

He says I'm not doing it because then XXX has had more than my kids

But they got a cake. No matter who paid for it. He was "lucky" he didn't have to buy it because his ex did.

If your dd did nt get a cake, she'd be getting less than his kids

And it's a cake not a big amount if money.

Is he seriously thinking its OK to Nov get a child a cake on their birthday???!!!! Fir many kids the candles song and cake a a major focus of the birthday.

He's a right c*nt, isn't he.

Is thus penny pinching, miserable, scrooge, ledger of "equal money spent" going tk be continued through your dds life ... sounds like it.

LooseGoose22 · 12/07/2022 10:27

A cake like, a relatively cheap item.

Bet he spends what he wants on himself though.

Now you know why he's separated.

StopStartStop · 12/07/2022 14:04

For goodness sake, get rid of him. Is he your child's father?

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 12/07/2022 15:00

Imagine how this massive piece of shit will treat your poor girl when she becomes a stroppy teenager. He fucking hates her now.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/07/2022 15:06

Deepdown · 12/07/2022 05:58

The backstory..

His kids birthdays I was going shopping and asked if he wanted me to pick a cake up while I'm out. He says no I'd leave it because XXXXX is buying one and she's sending it here, there's no point having two they'll only get wasted. Fair point imo so it was left at that.

We was talking about my daughters birthday. He just comes out with.. we will spend the same money wise but she's not having a cake because we didn't buy my kids one. I say their mother bought there's though, they still had one. If XXXXX hadn't got them one we would have.

He says I'm not doing it because then XXX has had more than my kids. I says I'm not letting her go without cake on her birthday that's horrible and then he just went quiet and said it's upto me.
I either pissed him off or he realised what he'd actually just said.

No she'd have had less than his kids because she wouldn't have had a cake ffs What kind of a horrible cunt would want to deprive a child of a cake on their birthday? And how could you want to stay with such a pig?

billy1966 · 12/07/2022 15:16

How could you have such a man near your child.

Your poor daughter.

Some children really have no chance in life because of the choices their mothers make.

Unbelievable that you have to ask.

ToadiesCouzin · 12/07/2022 18:28

Did the words "she's not having a cake" actually come out of his mouth? Who does he think he is, she's not his daughter so it's not his business. Does he always talk like that, throwing his weight around, giving orders, telling you what you can and cannot spend money on? He sounds absolutely awful.