Ye gods it's bleak out there

[Redridinghood22]

Apologies for another OLD thread but I'm really talking myself off a ledge this morning.

Single for approx six months and OLD. Open minded about meeting someone a little different from my usual "type" and so I really try to look for the positives in someone's profile and not discount them straight away. I set myself quite a wide age-range of 10 years in either direction and a fairly wide geographical radius.

All that in mind, these appear to be the options available to me as a 30-something professional woman:

1. Scruffy men in old tshirts and shorts, often with very unkempt and wiry facial hair.
2. Grown men who constantly refer to Marvel, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or Disney.
3. The usual cliches who presume that their favourite pizza topping, Uber rating or the fact that they "love to travel" is the most interesting thing about them.
4. Insistence on "being able to give as good as you get" or have "savage banter".
5. Stating that he'll buy the first round on a date provided "the next one's on you". How bloody unnecessary and off-putting. That's surely the point of rounds, no?
6. Moody-faced up-the-nose selfies, with their hoodies up, or photos taken in the men's urinals.
7. Mentioning sex or the devil horns emoji at every opportnity in their profile
8. Stories about how absolutely paralytic they get whilst drinking and stupid things they've done whilst under the influence.
9. Describing their perfect Sunday as recovering from a hangover, Netflix & chill.

As if I wasn't already missing my ex.

Admittedly there are valid reasons why we didn't work out but my God what I wouldn't do to have him back right now with his nice manners, normal conversation, and clean clothes 😭

I need to get off OLD don't I. I just don't know where else to meet people and don't fancy cultivating a male-dominated hobby purely for the sake of trying to meet someone...

Hahaha you nailed it!

Catnip for bitter men! Brilliant 😂🤣

I think a lot of it comes down to men's desirability peaking when they're older (in 40s and 50s). Whereas for women it's more like 20s and maybe early 30s. The research seems to back this up.

I've never tried OLD but I've seen the availability of 40s/50s men on a friend's phone and all the laughs 😅 at that being the age their physical desirability peaks. You must be joking.

The women their age look far better and younger!

It's what the research suggests.

Just trying to rationalise some of the OLD frustration on this thread. I think you lot prefer your cats and sour grapes 😉

Wishful thinking? @Casper10 😉

@capser do you have a link for this supposed research? I call bullshit!!

I've joined this thread to provide thoughts and linked it to the prevailing evidence of OLD. I realise it's not something welcomed on this thread but I can only try...🙂

I don't think men are most desirable at 40 or 50 per se. It's just that the OLD data suggests that men have it better at that age whereas women when they're younger. Only relatively better mind and only in the context of OLD.

How do you madam!😂

Hold on 5 minutes

www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/08/online-dating-out-of-your-league/567083/

Aha! @FluffyFluffMonster

Great user name by the way :)

I couldn't read it as it needs an account! However from the little I could see that's not research. It's just an article from media by a man of course! @Casper10

The article is by a man but the research is by a woman

Elizabeth Bruch

Ok so where's the research?

I had a read, no account needed, and it’s interesting

its proper research, albeit a while ago, and done of it rings true

80% of the time men message first
only 20% get responded to

o think the desirability point (and be clear, by desirability it’s just talking about what men want while OLD) is that womens declines with age (men like younger) while mens increases (women like experience? Money? Grown ups?)

Of the men who messaged first how many were really lazy and wrote:

Hiya
You look sexy
😍
Babe!
😈

Or similar?

There'll be a reason only 20% got a reply.
I wouldn't reply to someone if I received any of the above.

Men's desirability also declines with age.

Beer gut, bad breath, poor health, nose hair, 'old fashioned' ingrained thinking, lack of financial stability (divorce, no home, huge child maintenance bill because he doesn't share care but the crazy ex bleeds him dry, etc)

Agreed poor openings will be a part of it
it becomes a bit self perpetuating though as if you get few responses the motivation to carefully craft an opener must devline

Agree

Just reading the first parts I’ve had to pour my coffee away….feel like I need a shower in disinfectant…………..

Poor hygiene and overweight etc I get that as obviously they are turn offs. Although I think at least half the population is overweight so unfortunately it's difficult to discrimate upon.

The finance part I'm really not sure what you expect. It's pretty horrendous for a man going through divorce. There's usually little help in the way of the system to get back on ones feet. You really do need broad shoulders in that regard.

@FloydPepper it's not the research it's an article from the Atlantic!
I've actually read the research from 2014 that's based in the USA!

The research showed men don't like women who have a post grad and men get the least reply's.
The article just pretty much showed the misogyny with OLD
It's not that women are not desirable after the age of 30 but how men view them! Which everyone knew anyway. Well women knew!

If OLD isn't working for you man/woman the platform is not for you.
I used it, thousands of matches hundreds of dates. (Tinder/Bumble).
Met DP. Stats at the time.
DP 33-job-no kids-solvent.
Me 46-job-2 kids-solvent.
We went on one date, then we've not been apart, since, we both knew at the entrance to the restaurant it was BOOM.

Bought home-getting married-just had a vasectomy reversal so planning more kids hopefully 2.
I dated a handful of women my age, they weren't in the same life space as me, so it never progressed. I did multi-date at one point.
My record was 25 dates in one month-me and a female friend was having a competition.😂

Is it me being cynical but the few men on Mumsnet come out of the woodwork for the dating threads, but you don't see them, for example, on the hummus threads 🤔

Oh I’m not disagreeing that it’s about how we’re viewed (we ask in people, both men and women). I know the article had its own slant but the research it referred to seemed interesting.

yes the education piece was important. Women like men more the more they’re educated. Men like women to be educated to a point but not too much.

I read the age stuff as saying men like younger women. Women value more than age and the things they value are more prominent in older men

*we as in people, not ask!