Ye gods it's bleak out there

[Redridinghood22]

Apologies for another OLD thread but I'm really talking myself off a ledge this morning.

Single for approx six months and OLD. Open minded about meeting someone a little different from my usual "type" and so I really try to look for the positives in someone's profile and not discount them straight away. I set myself quite a wide age-range of 10 years in either direction and a fairly wide geographical radius.

All that in mind, these appear to be the options available to me as a 30-something professional woman:

1. Scruffy men in old tshirts and shorts, often with very unkempt and wiry facial hair.
2. Grown men who constantly refer to Marvel, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or Disney.
3. The usual cliches who presume that their favourite pizza topping, Uber rating or the fact that they "love to travel" is the most interesting thing about them.
4. Insistence on "being able to give as good as you get" or have "savage banter".
5. Stating that he'll buy the first round on a date provided "the next one's on you". How bloody unnecessary and off-putting. That's surely the point of rounds, no?
6. Moody-faced up-the-nose selfies, with their hoodies up, or photos taken in the men's urinals.
7. Mentioning sex or the devil horns emoji at every opportnity in their profile
8. Stories about how absolutely paralytic they get whilst drinking and stupid things they've done whilst under the influence.
9. Describing their perfect Sunday as recovering from a hangover, Netflix & chill.

As if I wasn't already missing my ex.

Admittedly there are valid reasons why we didn't work out but my God what I wouldn't do to have him back right now with his nice manners, normal conversation, and clean clothes 😭

I need to get off OLD don't I. I just don't know where else to meet people and don't fancy cultivating a male-dominated hobby purely for the sake of trying to meet someone...

Is anyone else really disappointed that the lovely @SpentTooLongOnUsername has left the thread? Be honest. You mean vipers chased him away. SHAME ON YOU ALL. You should be grateful to have a man like this. WTF is wrong with you all?!

.

I wouldnt have said it was a conscious dom/sub thing I just noticed it and wondered (beyond the obvious hiding double chins) if there was soke kind of gender ritual going on.

I know, and him calling us twisted, bitter, spinster bitches was only said in jest.

Or was it bitter, twisted, spinster bitches?

I didn’t see his actual post as it got deleted quickly, but saw what others said.

Maybe it was spinster, twisted, bitter bitches. I mean it’s just a laugh.

Goes off whispering to self “I’m a Twitter, bisted, spinster bitch, I’m a spitter, gitter, bitching bitch, I’m a Gansta Bitch!” I’ll take that.

I feel like there is a real gap in the market for an old fashioned matchmaker service, where someone properly meets you, interviews you and possibly some family member or friends and then matches you up to one person at a time.

I'd pay for that if it had a high success rate rather than spend hours scrolling through highly unsuitable men.

Its grim op very grim. I've been old now for 2 years . Exchanged numbers with over a hundred men. They are all blocked for one reason or another. Out of those I've only been on 5 dates. I rejoined OLD for the last time last month . Once my 6 month subscriptions are up I'm going into 2023 single and I'm fucking staying that way. I've got 2 dates lined up this weekend but I can already feel one of them is fading out so I'm holding no hope for any of it. I can't ever muster the energy to go on these dates.

Back when I OLD I had a really great time, but this was 5 years ago when I was still in my 20s. I think it depends on the app, I used one (that I think is defunct now) that you could filter for degree, so I only chatted to people with masters degrees (I don’t have one myself lol but this seemed like an effective filter). I had lots of lovely dates and found DP.

If you’re looking for men I say go out for a drink with one girlfriend to after work spots in places like the city if you’re in London. There you are likely to meet men with jobs and also men who pop out for a pint but aren’t partiers. Also think about postcodes, go hang at a nice pub in a leafy suburb on a Saturday afternoon. Make lingering eye contact. Good luck.

When I was in my 20s I didn't get much interest from women. Admittedly I'm a short arse and average looking. Having been a student I wasn't earning that much until I hit about 30. Found my long term partner, now separated from, just before I turned 27.

I think a lot of it comes down to men's desirability peaking when they're older (in 40s and 50s). Whereas for women it's more like 20s and maybe early 30s. The research seems to back this up.

Maybe you're experiencing what a lot of men experience at a younger age

‘I have never been on OLD, but I’m over 60 and have decided to try and avoid men altogether. Especially middle aged and older. Im just so done with the patriarchy.’

I’m mid 40s and do OLD, also done with the patriarchy. Don’t waste your time trying to find a man who is fit to partner you through life or live in your house.

Men are for dates, sex, conversation, good times and fun. Nurture your female and family relationships and for goodness sake, get to know yourself and make sure you’re able to meet your own needs.

You don’t need to be part of a couple to live a full and happy life.

‘I think a lot of it comes down to men's desirability peaking when they're older (in 40s and 50s). Whereas for women it's more like 20s and maybe early 30s. The research seems to back this up.

Maybe you're experiencing what a lot of men experience at a younger age.’

I rest my case.

‘Also think about postcodes, go hang at a nice pub in a leafy suburb on a Saturday afternoon. Make lingering eye contact.’

Please don’t. FFS 🤦🏼‍♀️

‘I think a lot of it comes down to men's desirability peaking when they're older (in 40s and 50s)

have you actually read any of these posts?! Desirability peaking = bald, fat, unflattering pics, no teeth, no job, stinks of smoke, borderline alcoholic, with a string of “crazy exes” and probably a shit dad to boot. Wow, how can we resist?! And there’s is, sorted, having learned from our previous mistakes, spent our entire lives being told all the ways we could be doing better, looking better, taking up less space in the world, but we have some wrinkles and no thigh gap, so ya know, we can’t expect a man to actually want us. Dickheads.

I was thinking the same thing. No 2 sounds like my dream guy! And I’m also not totally averse to the idea of no 1 the Viking with the wild beard.

I’ve just read the first half of page 1 wondering if OLD was the name of a new app I could recommend for a friend 😆🤦🏻‍♀️

@D0lphine I'd pay for a matchmaker service too! I did find one but it was £££s.

Yeah I'd love one that was mid- price. Obv it would still need to cost some, but would be great if it were reasonable. I know other cultures have this.

‘Grown men who constantly refer to Marvel, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or Disney.’

Those ones are usually very sweet. And kinky 🥰

Ummm @Casper10 men peak when they are 40/50??? Pleeease 🤣😂🤣😂
This why some creepy old men think they can date a 20 something year old?

100% this!

Men peak when they're about 25 - pretty much the same as women.

Views that men peak at 50 are a joke and ultimate misogyny.

If something happens to DH and I have presumably (in this imaginary scenario) outlived him, I will never ever do OLD, mainly thanks to MN threads 😂

I will, however, buy a large property with land somewhere in a forest, but near the coast. I'll invite like minded older women to come and live with me, we can take it in turns to cook, there'll be a library with enough cosy reading nooks for everyone, we can have a few cats and dogs about the place, a well stocked wine cellar and on Sunday mornings we go wild water swimming in the sea.

You're all invited, because as previously said up-thread, only dregs and dickheads left now.

AIBU to have packed my suitcase, filled the tank and be ready to go as soon as @PaddleBoardingMomma gives the nod?

I’m in!!

I think the point of my post may have been misconstrued.

I'm not saying that these men are desireable. Clearly they are anything but.

My point is that the more desirable men in their 40s are clearly in high demand. I don't think this is just the good looking/ 6 foot plus men either. But competent, sensible and well reasoned men with a job, home etc even if a bit more average looking (like myself).

I think the situation changes and basically in your 20s and early 30s there's a lot of interest for women. Late 30s onwards and the dynamic switches. I understand the frustration as I had it in my 20s.

I'm not saying men paek at 50. I'm saying their desirability on OLD peaks at 50. That's what the research indicates.

I'm just trying to rationalise why there's threads like this and the situation for OLD is like it is.

I'm certainly not saying someone at 50 should be going for someone in their 20s. That's gross.

I think the desirable men are taken by 40 anyway. If their marriage breaks down it's more likely because they've ran off with the secretary and they'll be snapped up quick of they do try OLD. It's the same old faces that stay on there.

Women usually have all the choice in their 20s. It just evens up from about mid 30s.

Your second paragraph is kind of my point