Ye gods it's bleak out there

[Redridinghood22]

Apologies for another OLD thread but I'm really talking myself off a ledge this morning.

Single for approx six months and OLD. Open minded about meeting someone a little different from my usual "type" and so I really try to look for the positives in someone's profile and not discount them straight away. I set myself quite a wide age-range of 10 years in either direction and a fairly wide geographical radius.

All that in mind, these appear to be the options available to me as a 30-something professional woman:

1. Scruffy men in old tshirts and shorts, often with very unkempt and wiry facial hair.
2. Grown men who constantly refer to Marvel, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or Disney.
3. The usual cliches who presume that their favourite pizza topping, Uber rating or the fact that they "love to travel" is the most interesting thing about them.
4. Insistence on "being able to give as good as you get" or have "savage banter".
5. Stating that he'll buy the first round on a date provided "the next one's on you". How bloody unnecessary and off-putting. That's surely the point of rounds, no?
6. Moody-faced up-the-nose selfies, with their hoodies up, or photos taken in the men's urinals.
7. Mentioning sex or the devil horns emoji at every opportnity in their profile
8. Stories about how absolutely paralytic they get whilst drinking and stupid things they've done whilst under the influence.
9. Describing their perfect Sunday as recovering from a hangover, Netflix & chill.

As if I wasn't already missing my ex.

Admittedly there are valid reasons why we didn't work out but my God what I wouldn't do to have him back right now with his nice manners, normal conversation, and clean clothes 😭

I need to get off OLD don't I. I just don't know where else to meet people and don't fancy cultivating a male-dominated hobby purely for the sake of trying to meet someone...

The rational is that men are entitled and regardless of a womens age shitty men will treat women awful regardless of how old they are!
Nothing to do with how desirable a women is. I'm pretty sure the op is in her twenty's anyway so she's deemed worthy yet still finding it a cesspit

I’d imagine one reason women are looking to older men is that they don’t want to end up step mothering a younger man’s children or having more kids with someone who doesn’t have his own already. I’m certainly ruling out anyone with kids who still need looking after in any way, so even if the younger men themselves are desirable, their situation is not. Half of them even put “unsure/open to having kids” at the age of 50 like it’s still an option for them if they meet someone willing. They’re deluded.

It evens up. The most desirable men can peak a bit older because they'll have accumulated more wealth and resources than they had in their early 20s when they were starting their career. Men care less about what women earn or own and stay more fixated on their looks.

That's just played out on OLD with regards to peaking older. But undesirable men are undesirable men and OLD is full of them.

Yes I'd imagine there would be plenty of cats...

Ooh @Casper10 that comes over as a snidey comment (re cats).

Did you mean it to come over like that?

There's more than a whiff of bitterness about Caspers posts - how dare women over 30 have any standards, eh? Don't we know that we should just be grateful for the 60 year old troll that throws us any crumbs of attention. We are, after all, past our sell by date.

@PaddleBoardingMomma I'm 37 so way past it now according to @Casper10 so can I join too please??

Give me cats over men any day! Least they don't judge us for daring to age!!!!!

@fudfootedfannybangle

YANBU

I’m here planning my outfits and which books I’ll bring.

Just this, really. It does seem quite unfair!

I'm signing up for Paddle boarding momma's commune! It sounds great! Just need DP to tragically predecease me.

Funnily enough I'm not feeling particularly hurt by Casper10 implying that we're saddos if we have cats there 😂 can we also have goats? I will look after them.

Can we also have Guinea pigs?

Disappointing thread

those of us single in our late 40s aren’t all “dregs”. I know it’s tough and there are a lot of dickheads (male and female) and I can understand anyone feeling jaded but I’m not “dregs”.

I meant it as a joke.

I'm not suggesting you shouldn't have standards. I'm just trying to present the other side to this.

I'm just stating what the OLD research suggests. Why this is so triggering I'm not sure.

For exame the research suggests female attention for OLD focuses on about 10/20% of men for the most part. Which obviously presents issues.

"For exame the research suggests female attention for OLD focuses on about 10/20% of men for the most part. Which obviously presents issues."

The issue is for men to resolve though.

I don't know.
Maybe.
Perhaps.
The other 80/ 90% of men that don't get the attention they want could write more interesting, less sex oriented profiles? Or maybe add recent photos and accurate ages and descriptions?

I am doing OLD at the moment and I feel the same way as you. I started a thread about it recently. Some of the men I have seen on tinder and bumble are absolutely dire! Most of the conversations on there start off normal and then go weird. In my opinion, the best men don't need dating apps as they are taken very quickly in real life.

Well clearly it's not just for men to resolve if you look at threads like this as clearly there are women unhappy with the situation too. I appreciate there's things at play like hypergamy which is biological in nature and won't realistically change but come on is there no way women can be a bit more open minded.

I understand there are many crap male profiles but at the same time I've done online dating and know how tough it is for the majority of men. Yes I do make effort with mine and I feel I've been relatively successful with online dating but it's still bloody hard work and an unpleasant experience.

Woman here.

Take it from me sweetheart, mens desirability does not peak 40s-50s.
Whoever told you that was lying to you.

Mens sexual peak (separate but not removed from their desirability) is also not in their 40s-50s.

Earning power maybe, ability to be boring and grumpy definitely.

OK so fair enough. If that's the case does it not mean that the best women don't need the apps either?

That'll be the only thing they don't judge us for

Not necessarily. There seem to be more great single women than great single men to be honest.

This thread is like catnip for middle-aged bitter men!

Making it all about them with endless posts
surprised

I'm a man (in case that's relevant) and I think part of the issue is that society's expectations of men are lower than of women. Women are under much more pressure to look a certain way but also to have great social skills and to fit in with people and various other things. Men can often "get away with" putting in much less effort in a variety of ways. I think the OLD disparities are partly due to this dynamic. This doesn't seem fair at all, but I'm not sure what to advise.

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