Ye gods it's bleak out there

[Redridinghood22]

Apologies for another OLD thread but I'm really talking myself off a ledge this morning.

Single for approx six months and OLD. Open minded about meeting someone a little different from my usual "type" and so I really try to look for the positives in someone's profile and not discount them straight away. I set myself quite a wide age-range of 10 years in either direction and a fairly wide geographical radius.

All that in mind, these appear to be the options available to me as a 30-something professional woman:

1. Scruffy men in old tshirts and shorts, often with very unkempt and wiry facial hair.
2. Grown men who constantly refer to Marvel, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or Disney.
3. The usual cliches who presume that their favourite pizza topping, Uber rating or the fact that they "love to travel" is the most interesting thing about them.
4. Insistence on "being able to give as good as you get" or have "savage banter".
5. Stating that he'll buy the first round on a date provided "the next one's on you". How bloody unnecessary and off-putting. That's surely the point of rounds, no?
6. Moody-faced up-the-nose selfies, with their hoodies up, or photos taken in the men's urinals.
7. Mentioning sex or the devil horns emoji at every opportnity in their profile
8. Stories about how absolutely paralytic they get whilst drinking and stupid things they've done whilst under the influence.
9. Describing their perfect Sunday as recovering from a hangover, Netflix & chill.

As if I wasn't already missing my ex.

Admittedly there are valid reasons why we didn't work out but my God what I wouldn't do to have him back right now with his nice manners, normal conversation, and clean clothes 😭

I need to get off OLD don't I. I just don't know where else to meet people and don't fancy cultivating a male-dominated hobby purely for the sake of trying to meet someone...

It's worse in middle age .

Had a date where the guy left an awful Google review of the venue slaying me because I wouldn't go on a second date .

Had people ask for pics in stockings , like I'm a bloody race horse to inspect

Been called a cunt

Been arsed about .

I've come off it all again for a while because it gets too disheartening. Met someone I really did like but they ended it because I wasn't inspiring enough with enough interests and a big enough social circle .

I've just about given up .

And what's with the pics these guys out on ? Most look like serial killers or have 5 chins . No effort . But they expect sparkling wit .
I suspended all my profiles this week . The paid sites are no better than the freebies. I worry now as been single 3 years and I judge when I see the same faces again and again - but in my case no one except 2 in 3 years got further than one date . I find the men entitled , egotistical and mostly wankers .

I’m not in the right head space for OLD right now but have found in the past the more you pay the better responses and respect I’ve had

Sounds mainly ok but what does 'old fashioned' mean? Would you expect to have the last word re. holidays, finances, large purchases? If you end up getting married would you assume your wife takes responsibility for cooking and cleaning? Would you want or insist that she takes your name?

You seem like a real catch. Which sites are you on?

I don't think you need to change much apart from the mention of bedsheets, exploring a woman's body, and croissants, coffee and sex instead of travelling - the two aren't mutually exclusive. Oh and the claim to be old-fashioned is a bit alarming too.

You mention cleanliness a lot - and that would concern me. What if stayed over and spilt coffee on your freshly laundered sheets?

I would also want to know your personal relationship history - ex wife and kid/s? Single man living with mother? Multiple children with multiple women like our own dear Boris?

Good luck anyway, you might get a hook up or two on here 😏

Can I too please?! Tho I hold out a deep rooted hope that I will one day fall passionately in love again, the sane side of me knows that this is very unlikely!
As an aside, do those of you 50+ get pursued by married men who claim to be really really miserable but will NOT consider a divorce? Happens to me so much! (I don’t act on it btw, I have no desire to be the OW!)

Also mid 30s, intelligent, not bad looking, slim.

I’ve been single since I was 29. Haven’t dated for about 4 years. Dipped my toe back into it and quickly whipped it back like I’d dipped it in acid.

Dick pics galore, “are you going to be my good girl”, men who are obviously married, men with their kids in their profile pics and “no crazy women” in their bios, honestly.

What a fucking shit tip.

I downloaded tryQuinn and ordered yet another vibrator.

I'm not single but I wouldn't click right for anyone who mentioned or alluded to sex AT ALL in their dating profile

Not sheets, not kissing, not 'cleanliness' - NOTHING

My friend was howling at me swiping left within seconds of a profile popping up, and my commentary whilst I did -

• abusive
• RED FLAG - “university of life”
• looks like he sends dick pics
• misogynistic
• RED FLAG - “no face photos, probably married/much older than they say/etc”
• probably thinks choking in sex and anal are normal and doesn’t ask consent
• RED FLAG - “holding a beer in every photo”

I swiped right on a few, to prove my point to her DH. Who thought I was being harsh. I got 3 dick pics, a confirmation that one was married and wanted a fuck buddy, and confirmation about the above mentioned sex stuff. He was horrified

I mean

• Grown men who constantly refer to Marvel, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or Disney.

These are very common cultural references for Millenials tbf

@SpentTooLongOnUsername I would get rid of the reference to ironing. I'd also get rid of the reference to exploring a woman's body. That sounded really creepy. Also I wonder if you sound a little bit lazy actually! You don't like long walks and you don't like travelling far and you like like to stay in bed exploring bodies!

I met my DP online. His profile was pretty awful, no text at all and a couple of shocking photos 😂! But there was something I liked about him and I swiped (bumble). He's the most decent, lovely guy ever and I adore and love him to bits. He was the first person I matched with at all and very far from my normal type!

Thing is spenttolongonausername

I'm - really young looking 50. I keep fit . I have a professional career . My photos online are recent and thought out . My profile is funny . I get tons of likes . But when I meet anyone - there's either nothing there or theiyre dicks . One guy sent me fucking animal porn .
Thought I was gonna have to microwave my phone . Ffs I'm a cop! (I don't say that in my profile )
I'm sick and tired of it . Met someone I thought was great - but off the wall. Turns out he had asd- fine - but he decided he just felt in love when his attachment needs were met and he felt accepted so he out of the blue dumped me then gleefully told me all about his next dates .
He got a massive fuck off pill and blocked but that's the closest I've come to finding anyone I liked online . Rug got pulled from under me and I didn't even see it coming!
I've only had second dates with two men in 3 years and both turned out to be not what they portrayed.
I'll stick with my dogs 😂

My profile is very unique and (I thought) witty .
Gets loads of likes but then get ghosted or I lose interest.
I've suspended my profiles - was only on tinder and bumble .
Really can't be arsed anymore!

Great guys are snapped up quickly and if they ever become single (widowed?) they have a wide real life network and interests where they meet many women. They are the type of guys who are confident so can and do approach in real life. This is not the same for women before anyone thinks I'm insulting women on OLD.

I now cry at sex scenes . It's pathetic . But I had a real connection with someone oh so I thought - turned out I was duped again . I think I'm far too trusting and need to work on that .

Unfortunately things aren’t any better for us 40 somethings divorcees OLD. There are a few ok men on there but most are either looking for casual sex or a therapist-girlfriend to complain about their ex to (and often they are after both).

Most of these experiences sound horrific, and I am sorry to anyone who has been disrespected like this!

My DP and I were both lucky that after years of being single we managed to find each other by chance.

However when talking to friends about online dating I have thought that if DP was on a dating site there is no way I would go for him - looks wise and hobbies would not be what I was looking for.

I guess what I’m saying is, might be worth trying some of those people who don’t seem initially compatible, but not awful? I think it’s a numbers game with that approach.

I personally think women should boycott OLD and all the dating apps. It's so filled with dross and the lowest common denominator trying to get their legs over it's beyond laughable.