Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support thread: for those contemplating/going through a break up

278 replies

paperchain · 16/01/2008 15:43

Me. I need all the support I can get if I am to hold it togehter through this.

Others join in?

OP posts:
SparklePrincess · 03/03/2008 21:48

for you TLV. Remind me, have you asked him if he`s prepared to go to Relate?

Hope you manage to find somewhere to live soon Moosh.

SparklePrincess · 03/03/2008 21:51

Update on my own situation. We are finally cutting the cr@p & have put a stop to the pointless Relate sessions. (Pointless for us because H never had any intention of saving the relationship & was attending simply to tick a box) We are starting the Mediation next week. Finally things are about to progess. (Hopefully)

TLV · 04/03/2008 07:53

we have done 1 session of relate together and 1 which he did alone, he was very angry in the session but the counsellor did say that she thought he still had feelings for me (he has admitted he still has "feelings" for me) but obviously not enough and he doesn't handle stress very well and tends to pull away when confronted with problems. I said to him last night that a few months of marital problems should not be leading us down the divorce route.

We just can't seem to communicate and he is only happy about talking when its about things he wants to discuss otherwise he shouts and walks out the door.

hope you are all ok

moosh · 04/03/2008 08:14

Hi
Wednesday is the deadline because that is the date he has signed for me to be out of the property.
I'm going to ring the Housing Association to see if there is any documents lying around that they have with my name on it somewhere to prove that this has been my home just as long as it has been his. I am also e mailing the MP today to see if he can help.

I think my lovely sister is going to ask my dad for a deposit and I have lots of people who will be my referees so if all of the above fails, I will go private. But many Landlords will not touch DSS people that is why I am looking for a job to work now rather than October (which is when my youngest starts school).

I hope councilling works for you TLV, there will be times where it will get really ugly and the things that will be said may hurt. But you have to go through that to come out the otherside whether you stay together or not. Good luck.

Wisteria · 04/03/2008 08:18
Citronella · 04/03/2008 09:52

Moosh,
Surely he cannot just make you homeless. Can he help pay somewhere for you to go to or is that a stupid question?

moosh · 04/03/2008 10:32

Mad mad question Citronella. I think he thinks I'm going to run back into his arms wailing that "I made a big mistake, I want you back" That ain't ever gonna happen!!
I have emailed the MP, because there must be some proof written somewhere that I have lived at this address just as long as him and have put just as much, if not more into it.

I'll tell you something, this splitting up stuff can have you breaking down one day and fighting the next. Today I am in a fighting mood although go in heaven knows what kind of mood I'll be in tomorrow.

Citronella · 04/03/2008 10:41

You are so right. One day you feel like a lionness and have a 'bring it on' attitude and then there are doom and gloom days and then days when you just feel sad. Not really because you want to change your mind just sad because of lost/broken dreams and hopes.

Praying for you to get somewhere soon.

MuthaHubbard · 04/03/2008 16:31

Wisteria - if you feel you need to join in you are more than welcome.

Moosh - got everything crossed for you and hope you get sorted v soon. Surely the electoral roll will show you at that address?

Am in a good mood today, am helping h find somewhere to live as he seems to be struggling at the mo. Struggling or dragging his heels maybe?!?

Off to take youngest to dancing class (joy) catch up later.

Wisteria · 04/03/2008 18:08

really want to but can't find a way forward if that makes any sense.......thank you

Going to have a weekend on my own to sort through these emotions and see where that takes me

Geri2 · 04/03/2008 18:09

Hello! I'm still here

Moosh, hope you get some answers soon.. Is it possible that the council would place you in temporary accom with just yourself and the children, rather than a shared place?

I havn't done much in the way of seeking any more legal advice, but last week did sort out the bank account, so it's no longer a joint one. Least thats one thing off the list!

What do you all make of this then? Friday night, well saturday morning 1.15am I received a text from trollop. It said UR Husband is a fucking arse as you well know'

I wasnt sure what to make of it tbh and pondered whether or not to reply. Anyway I did reply saying,'Oh so you've only just noticed! He's all yours now. what has he done that you have to wake me in the middle of the night?

2.15am she sent another saying "Sorry I thought you were used to his late nights'

I didnt bother replying to that.

I can't quite make it out, I mean if you were really pissed of with your partner, surely you would text a friend, (not sure if she has any tho), not your partners ex, whom you were having an affair with????

I took my dd to hospital for dental treatment on saturday, and he came to collect us, as dd had had a general anasethic (sp?) and wasnt gonna take her on public transport. I didnt mention it at all.

the saying, I read on here and which has really stuck in my mind, is, 'the grass is always greener, but usually turns to straw!'

If I had replied it would have been along the lines of, ' the reason he was always late was because he was with you!' Might have gone on to say that obv there is a vacancy now, (both were married. Feel quite good about it actually that maybe things arn't working out quite how they planned!!

would someone be so kind to tell me how to get text in bold? I've tried putting in the * but nothing happens!
thanks

Wisteria · 04/03/2008 18:56

you have to put directly before and after the word you want to highlight*

Geri2 · 04/03/2008 19:25

thankyou just testing if it works for a whole line

Geri2 · 04/03/2008 19:26

ahiseeithastobeaftereachword!

TLV · 05/03/2008 19:45

how is everyone today?? had a bad day feeling quite down, stbx dh is coming over tomorrow to talk or rather let me talk reality has started to set in I think and I'm now thinking god i want to save this marriage.

Geri2 · 06/03/2008 09:27

Hope all goes well today TLV
xxx

MuthaHubbard · 07/03/2008 16:46

How is everyone doing?

Have my fingers and legs crossed at the mo - h will find out tomorrow if he can rent 'the cottage of his dreams'.

He went to view it yesterday and he said he just fell in love with it when he got there and it was totally 'him' - as in a bit old fashioned with coal fires, running water from a spring and the option of a 2 acre bit of land as an allotment!!! Plus it's furnished with two bedrooms. He was so upbeat and excited when he was telling me about it so I am hoping he gets it.

I do want him to be happy and it seems he would be soo much happier if he got this place!

TLV · 07/03/2008 19:36

hi hope you are all ok

well he came over, listened even think he was kind of considering putting hold on divorce, I was open and honest with him asked if it was family responsibilities and did he just want single life back, he said no and I asked him if it was all worth it and he said he wouldn't know till he had done it, I said i thought there was still something there and he said he didn't think so, needless to say we ended up sleeping together again, still going to relate and when i asked him why he was going he said he didn't know, so tired now and feel like giving up, mid life crisis is still springing to mind.

MuthaHubbard · 07/03/2008 20:19

TLV - I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time at the mo and I'm sure you don't need to tell me that sleeping together is going to cloud the issue. No wonder you don't know what the feck is going on and you still have feelings for him when he just seems to be having his cake and eating it. It must be so draining on you.

Does your relate person know you are still sleeping together? Do you think he does it to make you feel better or to stop him feeling guilty?

I know it's hard but I really think you need to try and distance yourself from him and decide what it is YOU want now. He has faffed about with your emotions for far too long now.

TLV · 07/03/2008 20:36

it is really draining, keep saying it won't happen again and it does, the relate person knew it had been happening but we only see her on a 2wk basis so she doesn't know whats been happening lately, I don't know why he does it tbh.

tried doing that but he just creeps back in, is babysitting this weekend and is having to stay over, and i vowed that would never happen again and guess what it does, will bloody make him sleep on sofa but if dd wakes up she usually crawls into our bed and if i'm not there he will have to go into it - arrrgh going for a cig and glass of wine, starting the dreaded habit again but am so careful not to do it infront of dd

wornoutbyarguing · 08/03/2008 17:42

my dh moved out last week and I feel so miserable and lonely.we saw him this morning and he looked really unhappy and had been crying.we both feel shit but if he comes back we will go back to him not working,bickering,bad patterns and all the crap we have hurt each other with.
he says he is going to get a full time job and try harder but hes said this for 3 years and done nothing.
any words of encouragement I cant take him back because within 48 hours we would be back to square one.
any one else feeling like this today.
I cant wait to get the dd5 and dd6 to bed as I am so tired and deppressed.
please someone will this pain go away.

horseshoe · 08/03/2008 17:56

Hi,

I have split up with DH. Have two girls 5 and 2 and expecting a boy in May.

I have put up with years and years of lying (I think he may have a gambling problem that he;s been hiding). Anyway finally snapped and I dont know if it's because of this but I have put quite a positive spin on things. I have written a list with Step 1 to get rid of all the negative rubbish and make it final by bagging up his clothes. Step 2 is to join some groups and gain a bit of independence back and so on. They are only small steps but they are helping.

My big worry is the financial aspects but I'm gonna have to cope. If you know it's right it just is.

horseshoe · 08/03/2008 18:01

Still expecting the gloom to hit though

Tangas · 08/03/2008 23:00

Hi everyone

I just been reading some of your storys. Some of you lot are haveing a really ruff time by the sounds of it!

Which makes me think about my relationship.. I'm feeling like I want to put an end to my relationship, But my sisuation is not half as bad as some of your lot.

I suppose it has something to do with the pub, drinking ect...
But its coz DP would rather spend his free time (Usualy 5pm-7pm)Down the pub with drinking mates(who don't have familys). As opposed to coming home and spening the rest of the evening with DS and myself! So I'm felling worthless (seems he would rather not be hear) but most of all DS is missing out!!!! I try & tell DP how i feel, yet always ends up in a row, Seems DP wants his cake and eat it, he can't understand where i'm coming from! Makes me think i would feel happier on my own. But is spliting up the right thing to do?

TLV · 10/03/2008 11:53

hi all
how is everyone doing today?