Support thread: for those contemplating/going through a break up

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Me. I need all the support I can get if I am to hold it togehter through this.

Others join in?

hi jenk1 - i think the hardest part is the realisation that they really won't change which means you have to make that final decision that it's definitely over. once you've done that (and it sounds like you have), it can only get better, and it will. stay strong

oh yeah, and ex is on Very Very Best Behaviour once again. he's taking me out for dinner on mother's day and talking about hanging onto the van so we can go to some festivals this summer like we'd planned (thinking about getting friends together and going in a group). don't know how i feel about all this - in a way it'd be fantastic if we can build a real friendship out of it, on the other hand i don't want to let myself get too close and get burned again...

It must be very confusing when your H swings from being nice to being nasty hells. At least my H is consistent. (Consistently an @rsehole) I think you need to keep him at arms length as much as possible. Dont let him sucker you in again with his nice guy act.

This may be my last post for a while as I could be deemed homeless next Wednesday so will have no access to my PC.
I am frantically trying to find somewhere for us to live with no luck as I will be claiming benefits till ds2 starts school. But I have been looking at the job section to maybe go back earlier.

My ex is doing what I call "cyber bullying" constant texts calling me all the names under the son. I have texted
him nicely to leave me alone but he continues. He thinks he can wear me down, he is joking. I had 8 abusive texts yesterday and then today he calls me up to ask if I can put his name WITH MINE on ds2's birthday card for tomorrow !!!! At first I said yes, then the more I thought about it the more I thought "You've got a cheek" so I told him NO buy your own card!

Anyway hugs to everyone keep your fingers crossed for me fopr next Wed.

Big hugs and fingers and legs crossed for you moosh.

You should keep all texts and make a note of any abusive calls/letters from him as it sounds like harassment to me, as well as mental abuse. You could quite easily have a case if you contacted the police if you wanted to go down that route.

I take it you've still had no joy with the council. Have you contacted Shelter or Womans Aid? I really feel for you going through all this but am so sure it will be worth it in the end as, to be honest, your ex sounds like a cock to be doing this to you and your dc.

really hope you find somewhere to live soon moosh - must be such a horrible unsettling feeling, not helped by your ex being such a prize arse. can you change your number or block his? suppose you need to be able to keep in touch though. maybe time to stop asking him nicely and tell him one more abusive text and you're going to the police?
hope your ds has a lovely birthday tomorrow x

hi everyone. Not been here for a while. Now having problems at work. H still doing the same old same old. No talking. Ignoring me. Etc. Asked me for money yesterday. When i said cant you say please called me a fucking bitch. Did not give him any. Moosh call womens aid or your council. They will get you somewhere. Legally they have to.

Thanks everyone, I would love to turn my phone off on an evening but because my dc are with him at the moment (I'm at my sisters on a matress in the front room and they are in their own beds at home) I have to leave the phone on.
He knows I have to leave my phone on too, I texted him in the end last night and told him to only contact me if there is something wrong with my boys and I'll come back straight away, but no, I continue to get these texts. I,ve even resorted to calling his sister to talk to him, when she did, I got an abusive text from him after that. I have kept them all for proof.

Its ds2's birthday tomorrow and I'm not even going to be there tonight with him and to wake up in the morning with him. I will be leaving my sister's house at about 6.30am to get back to his place before ds2 wakes up for his birthday cards and pressis.
But I have one up on him, I took all ds2's presents with me and will be bringing them all with me tomorrow morning, if I didn't, I know the arse would let him open them all without me being there.
Cock !!!!!

Definitely keep all abusive texts as evidence moosh.
Hope you find somewhere to live soon.
Sending you big hugs. (((((moosh)))))

well he went yesterday and although i was very sad i feel better today.

sparkle, he sees a psychotherapist for help with his anger, he had a bad childhood and has loads of issues that need sorting out, but this is the 4th one he,s seen and when they tell him something he doesnt like he stops going.

i fully expect him to stop going to this one as i think he was only doing it as a means to stay with me, not that i forced him to but his heart is not in it, last time we seperated he stopped going and his counsellor said he needs to go a few times not once or twice then nothing for months then once or twice.

Sounds like he has a lot of issues he needs to resolve, but that doesnt give him an excuse for treating you or the kids badly.

Im glad he has at least moved out now so you can attempt to start rebuilding your lives. Keep your chin up, it will get better.

my stbxh is full of sh**t, a hypocrite, liar and I can't wait to be under a different roof!!!!!

sorry had to get that off my chest.

settles back more calmly

This thread has gone v. quiet. Where have you all gone?
moosh - are you ok??

I feel exactly the same way Citronella.

well my ex is either very calculated or just very very confused and its sad that we are all suffering for it not been on this thread for a while so hope you are all ok.

I had him over to discuss bills last night and he is just so naive about splitting up as he expects me to inform him of dd development and perhaps let him babysit (mentioned this in another thread) how am I supposed to get over him. In our discussion last night I told him that I had always put him and dd first and i got back that no it was always dd and he came second, so some months of unhappiness has caused him to leave divorce me. He expected it to be like it was before kids which again is very naive.

I think there will always be those who think the couple ie the partner should always be put first in a relationship once children come along on the basis that if you don't get that right you don't get the rest right and there will be those who put the children first in terms of attention, care and nurturing. This is what i did to the detriment of my relationship (other factors involved too though)because I figured the other person is old enough to look after themselves and not be so needy. Clearly it's very hard to get the balance right.

Paperchain
ginnedup
Bubblagirl
Chocyholic
Layla17
Popcorn123
Queenrollo
Paddlechick66
MuthaH ubbard
Mummyofaprincess
Twoddle
Moosh
TLV
Baffy
Looneymum
Hellsbells76
Jenk1
Sparkleprinces s
Soverytired
Gordieracer
Splishsplosh
Ontheedgeneedapush
Huggymummy
TreadmillMom
Geri2
Knif eforkspoon
Findingstrength
Mehdismummy

Apologies if I have left anyone out
How are you all doing? Hope you are coping okwith what you are all going through.

Am not doing too bad, thanks for asking. Still in limbo with h sleeping in our daughters room whilst she and I share my bed. Am hoping that by the end of this month he will have something else in place - he has been to look at a few flats/apartments but he's umming and ahhing about which one to take.

Felt a bit guilty last night that we are splitting, mainly because he has no family around here. We both know we are doing the right thing, and I actually think he is looking forward to starting afresh but I just felt a bit bad as I instigated it (or was the one who took the step to admit things were over) but just in a friend type way - there are definitely no relationship type feelings left at all.

Hope everyone is doing okay at the moment x

You are bound to feel a bit guilty. I don't really think splitting is any easier whether you are the instigator or not. Everyone is bound to feel anger, relief, sadness, grief (at what was not to be) and hope at some stage or other of the split.

xx

I'm off for now but will probably be back later on.

Hi Citronella are you ok?
Seems like you have calmed down a little since Saturday.
Hi everyone else too.

I've not been around because I have been frantically trying to find somewhere for me and the boys to go. NO LUCK YET I have till Wednesday. If I have no luck I will leave the children with him and get a job to rent a private property for me and then take my boys back asap.

The council have told me that their temporary B&B's are not seperated e.g. there are not family only ones and single homeless ones. So my ds's and me could be surrounded by all kinds of scary people. How the feck am I supposed to reassure them at night time when I'm going to be vunerable myself ffs? This is why I really am beginning to hate my ex now because he refuses point blank to move out of this property just because he can't be bothered and his name is solely on the Tenancy Agreement, he could go to his mum and dad who have a large 3 bed house. Then he has the cheek to tell me that "I should have put my happiness last and put the welfare of my children first" What a to!ss*r !!! Its because I wasn't happy that my children in the longterm would not be happy.

I'll keep you posted.

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Hi all

Have had a crap weekend in all honesty, horrid letter from his solicitor followed by arguments yesterday when he dropped off dd and then him coming back last night to discuss finances and then getting it on before he left (what the hell was i thinking we both stopped it somewhere between middle and end and he apologised profusely but it was both of us. had mediation letter this morning and spent day in a daze as its all beginning to seem so real now seeing solicitor tomorrow but having spoken to him (and my family will kill me if they find out) he has agreed to talk again as I again asked him to reconsider again what am i doing to myself, just want the nightmare to be over and to be in a better place

I know he probably won't change his mind and I asked him to stop the divorce and he said but i've paid the court costs (divorce can be stopped right till the decree absolute)

I just keep looking at dd and thinking we should at least try to sort out the marriage and we can at least say to her and ourselves that we tried

hi moosh....was just being a nosey bitch on the thread.....have you thought about private renting???? you can claim full housing and council tax benefit.....only problem is that private landlords tend to want a deposit, but if you can find a landlord that will take an agreement off the council that they will pay for any damages if you make any on the property when you leave.

Moosh, remind me why the Wednesday deadline? Can you not stay put as well even if it's not ideal, but until you can get a deposit together? I really hope things work out for you.

TLV You sound like you are really hurting. IMHO maybe you would feel better if you tried to put yourself in a better place by thinking about you. Keep telling yourself you don't need him.