Is anyone really happy single?

[BiscoffSundae]

Those of you that have been single for years with no fwb/fb (as that would be cheating!) Are you genuinely happy single and do you not miss affection or get lonely?

ive been single for 5 years (not through choice) and would like to know if anyone is actually genuinely happy completely single?

Should clarify, I’m open to it in the same way I’m open to winning the lottery. Not bought a lottery ticket for many years, i.e. in theory it sounds quite nice but not enough to actually put in any effort towards it! 🤭

Loads of happy singles on MN.
None in real life. I have loads of single friends and while many of us don't do anything to find someone, each one of us would like to.

We exist IRL too. We're not just MN bots and I do know others IRL.

I actively avoid relationships. It isn't just a case of not trying.

I love being single and am the happiest and most content I have ever been now at 44 and at 5 years completely 100% single. I haven't once thought that anything I have done in the last 5 years would have been better with a partner. I look after my kids, we go on holiday, I keep my house and garden up together and I love being independent and a team of 3 - me and the kids. I find families where there are 2 adults the dynamics are different and not better at all. People have finally stopped asking me why I'm not dating and have accepted me as I am - happy. I meet lots of people through work and friends and I'm not lonely; I still crave my own company. Lockdown was a blessing, I got to spend more time just with my kids without the pressure of having to socialise. In fact they were probably some of the best months of my life. I feel really bad for people who are unhappily single and feel as though something is missing. That must be sad. Although I'm sure for many it's mostly societal expectations and if they gave it a proper go they could be content on their own too.

I am also looking forward to being on my own as i get older. To retirement and old age in my own company. The thought of bring shackled to some boring old bloke just because you agreed to marry him 50 years ago horrifies me.

I've been with my DP a while now and am happy for the most part. DP is so lovely and really patient with me as I'm a pain the butt....but I do miss being single sometimes. I feel smothered easily and like my own space. I miss the freedom from time to time but I know for a fact I wouldn't find anyone else this decent and loving. I feel like I've hit the jackpot with DP but freedom is something else entirely. Can understand all the happy single ladies out there.

@WindyKnickers

I think having children is a huge game changer, it isn't just societal expectations that make people feel sad and lonely, I literally felt it for years before becoming a parent and it was awful.

I recently had a child but spent two decades of my life being child free (not by choice), and I can now see and feel what a difference having a child (ren) make in people 's lives of there is no romantic partner on the scene. It's emotional fulfillment that cannot be easily filled by anything else or batting it off as societal expectations. My life really wasn't that emotionally fulfilling, I needed and wanted more, and a good, loving romantic relationship or a child was probably the only thing that could have plugged that emotional void.

The one thing most people are most prone to saying to me is " l'm surprised your on your own"
Would they say the same to a man l wonder?
However l was widowed when my sons were still young, and l have adapted well to single life, last things my sons wanted was a miserable Mum.
So l think alot of it has to do with your attitude, as well as your standards, alongside the desire to want to make single life work. Like everything in life its just a stage, if l were to make more effort then yes l probably could be in a relationship, but right now l just haven't got the urge or the desire to pair up with someone. Maybe one day, or maybe not, whatever the outcome its not something l really dwell on, l know l 'll be ok whatever.

I've been single 11 years now. I had an awful marriage to a deeply unpleasant man which ruined my 20s, 30s and most of my 40s. At the point at which I finally walked away I decided I would never have another relationship and I have not even been tempted.

I'm happy as I am and have some lovely friends and as much social life as I want plus several pets. It's the ideal life for me.

Single, no kids, no FWBs, no horrific relationship that has scarred me and put me off men for life. I'm just happy being single, doing what I want, when I want. I can't see what a partner of either sex would add to my life.

My sister is single and spends so much time OLD, I just think what's the point? They all seem like such fuckwits. I wish she was happy being on her own but she's always been a very loving person and likes to have someone who needs her and loves her. Maybe that explains why she prefers dogs and I prefer cats 😁

@Athenajm80 Fully agree with online dating. The amount of arseholes out there is a joke and not worth it. If I was single I'd steer clear.
I also prefer cats.

Men in my age band (late 40's and 50's) are either set in their ways (zzz), or players still checking out women half their age while settling for dating the same age. I reject all men approaching me now, after the last suitor disappointed me so much. I don't need a man to make a family as I have one, I don't need a man to get a house as I have assets, I don't need a man to tell me anything...google does that. Men are a bit hit and miss in the bedroom too at my age. I love my own space, my own hobbies, spending time with my family and pets. I would struggle to live with anyone again, and don't need to share the bills so I very much doubt I will as not motivated. Any time I feel that I should comply with coupledom, I remind myself of past disappointing boyfriends. I think about my friends, of which many are stuck in unhappy marriages or partnerships that they would like to escape.

They're always out on the razzle.

Try a dog. 🙂

Being single and being happy depends on what stage/age you are in life,

After a long marriage that went 'wrong', I could never imagine wanting to repeat any of those shenanigans.

Being single means, being me and being selfish, bliss.

Also seeing my lovely parents struggle with old age, I selfishly don't want my freedom cut short by having to care for a partner. And I don't want a partner caring for me. I'm going to make sure I make plans so that when the time comes I don't need any family member to care for me and make sure dd knows she can stick me in sheltered housing or a care home.

I fully accept this and wasn't really considering child free people. I was comparing myself with other people my age who have children and either single and desperate to not be or in a couple and looking to me as though they are stuck with no way out.

We definitely exist in real life - but I’m probably invisible to you because I’m happy doing my own stuff. I’m not waiting around for someone else to “make me feel whole”. In fact I’m sure most people think I’m more than a little odd. 🤷‍♀️ Hand on heart I am NEVER bored, my life is so full I can’t imagine how a partner could enhance it in any way.

i do believe having children was a game-changer though, pre-children I felt an aching loneliness despite “having it all”, but there’s no biological urge at play now and I’m content.

my cat has spent the last 2 nights not coming in until morning. Dog is loyal though.

it also hopes if you’re happy with your own company. I had a teams call with my manager yesterday but he was late so I was doing something else. I hadn’t realised he’d joined as his microphone wasn’t working… I was more than happy chatting away to myself like a lunatic on the bus.

I recently had a child but spent two decades of my life being child free (not by choice), and I can now see and feel what a difference having a child (ren) make in people 's lives of there is no romantic partner on the scene. It's emotional fulfillment that cannot be easily filled by anything else or batting it off as societal expectations.

I’m very glad having kids made life better for you but it would have ruined it for me.

@WindyKnickersI am also looking forward to being on my own as i get older. To retirement and old age in my own company. The thought of bring shackled to some boring old bloke just because you agreed to marry him 50 years ago horrifies me.
So agree with this - my sister spent ages on line dating to find someone that would ''look after her in her old age' as she was so scared of being on her own. Moved him in - her teenagers have gone off the rails as it has disrupted their family 'bubble' as it was just the 3 of them for years - his cat does not get on with her two cats and have to be in separate rooms and he has no equity or savings so is basically sponging off her. No thanks rather be on my own with my lovely daughter and in my retirement travel to places and be a free spirit - it does not bother me in the slightest to be doing this on my own.

😂😂😂😂 love this

@EmmaH2022 I had to laugh at your description of incredibly stressful but also incredibly boring- as although I'm married that is exactly as I would describe it- as would several of my friends. The way I see it as you kind of feel obliged to make sure someone else is ok, listen to moaning about everything from work issues to other drivers to weather being shit but are then also kind of expected to feel sexy, as well as keep on top of laundry, life admin etc - I'm sure women don't all have this scenario but plenty do. I've been married twice and also lived with someone for 4 years and at 60, this is my experience in every case. I think in the past it just used to be boring for many but in the last 30 years and since more women work and aren't prepared to pander to every need, the stressful has crept in- along with far more ability for dodgy behaviour on bored mens part, due to smart phones , computers etc.

Children would absolutely ruin it for me too!

Love this thread - I know quite a lot of happy singles in real life and a few who are still determinedly searching for a non-crap partner. I just wish people didn't see it as an in between status - the assumption is always that you're only ever single for a fixed period until you meet someone.

I also love @EmmaH2022 description of stressful and boring - spot on!

Maybe that’s why I’m not happy single as I have kids! Well they do say it’s child free women

Interesting

I think the stressful factor has always been there - because someone else's opinion and behaviour has a massive impact on your life.

Children would ruin it for me as well.

@EmmaH2022 I do think the stressful factor has always been there-- I just think it's 'ramped up' a notch these days. Many Peoples expectations I feel have grown- far more champagne lifestyle and beer money wages kind of expectations. Blokes wanting women 'earning' and contributing but not prepared to take on more of the domestic load or have life interfere with their hobbies etc - I'm not anti men at all , know many lovely ones , but the vast amount do still always put themselves and their wants and needs first.

Me!

I have been totally single for about 5 years now, having decided I was too old for all the faff that goes with no strings sex. In fact, I think there is no such thing: somehow men always brought a load of bloody strings.

I cannot imagine ever being in a relationship again. I am 100% genuinely happy and not looking, not wanting and not bothered.

I agree that relatonships are stressful and to be perfectly frank: I can only think of a few friends whose marriages/partnerships seem to benefit them both rather then one benefitting and one 'putting up'. But I appreciate I won't ever really know as relationships are also pretty private.

I fully believe everyone on here saying they are happy single but there's been so many contradictory threads or comments talking about the joys of marriage etc- I just find that harder to believe despite me being in a relationship myself.