If you could destroy your ex given the chance, would you?

[Shouldishouldnti2]

NC for this as this could be outing and wicked.

Bit of background…

My ex, been with for 10 years who I adored. I was pretty much the perfect partner, loyal, loving, supportive. However he constantly lied & cheated. Came home and he’d emptied his belongings 3 times. Each time was so cold and stonewalled, slept with other people each time he left, then stupidly managed to worm his way back in with his empty promises. Second time he left I found out I was pregnant, he forced me to have an abortion. After grovelling like an idiot I took him back, he proposed and planned a huge wedding, he cancelled the wedding without telling me, emptied our house and off he went again. Now this time he’s got his own rented house and I’ve just found out he’s been sleeping with someone else. Whenever he gets caught out he’s done his usual and begged to come back, get married, try for a baby etc.

Now I should point out that he has an exceptional job, one that my family funded for his training, so he wouldn’t have without me, one that any woman would find desirable, he’s very good looking, so he gets away with his behaviour because everyone thinks he’s the dogs danglies. His job is very well paid, however I started a company a few years ago that has had unbelievable success. We had/have an amazing property which I have managed to keep on alone. He is very materialistic and it’s the lifestyle I give him he loves, not me, I know that.

he is grovelling to come back…but I have such dirt on him that I could finish his career tomorrow. Without his job I don’t think anyone would give him the time of day, he would never be allowed to work in the industry again and it would finish him. I also could then discard him like the piece of shit he is and live our amazing life by myself, which would destroy him even further.

the question is, is it worth me destroying his life and leaving him wishing he never messed with me in the first place, or leaving him to charm his way through life causing a trail of destruction wherever he goes. He wouldn’t really give two shits if I turned my back for good, as he’ll have a string of woman that will want to be with him.

do I / don’t I?

I would in a heartbeat. My ex broke me, walked away and has never paid a penny for his child. I know he is now a lonely old man but I would like him to feel the hurt and damage he did to me.

Is he a trader? Absolutely report him anonymously to the regulator. He’s obviously done something wrong. You’re just going to enjoy watching the fallout. He’s brought about his own downfall.

You absolutely need to keep your report to yourself though. No bragging or secretly confiding in friends or family. If you can’t keep your own secret, why would anyone else. You don’t want this coming back on you and it’s too big for others to keep confidential!! I’ve seen it time and time again “don’t tell anyone but…” and then it snowballs. Dump him in the shit, be blameless with no repercussions.

Yes, I would push one particular ex into the shit. About 25 years ago and I’ve never forgotten the feeling of being ghosted whilst I was very poorly in hospital. Total shit head. This was back in the day of no social media, no texts etc. I remember going to the public library and logging into his email account (bad I know, but I was at home and he was back at uni and he hadn’t answered his land line for days, so I was genuinely concerned about him). Well there were emails back and fore about his “conquests”. It broke my heart. I then went to visit him (at his university halls) and he was a nasty cold bastard.

So yes, I still bear a grudge. He’s a partner in law firm nowadays, I’d love to lose him a big piece of work if our professional path ever crosses!!

Do it. So sick of this ‘turn the other cheek’ ‘living well is the best revenge’ bullshit. Why shouldn’t the cunts suffer the consequences of their actions. Do it and block the fucker on everything, he deserves everything he gets.

You sound unhinged. He did all of this and you kept taking him back. What you should be focusing on is your chronic self-esteem and the fact you don't know what a normal loving relationship is like clearly because if you did you would've known that none of this was normal.

So sorry this happened to you 💐

I would!

At one time I felt bitter because he walked away taking all our savings which he had been salting away for a while into foreign bank accounts. Then he left and lives abroad. He never paid anything for our children and has only seen them a handful of times.
His punishment is just that - not seeing his children. He has destroyed his own life without any help from me.

So basically you are saying he would have never been with you unless you had daddies connections and money which gave him the lifestyle he liked.

That's quite mean, you say he's very attractive, why don't you let him move on and find someone else whereby he's not beholden to a partner who likes to hold power over her partner by means of her family's wealth.

Sounds like there was a fair exchange, his beauty versus your money.

As they say money can't buy you love.

I'd do it. Not usually a revenge person but I think there is a time where you can actually take action for yourself.
I've got an ex who utterly destroyed me and left me broken - and nothing, not one thing in his life changed when he dumped me. In fact, I have a little revenge journey to go on myself.....

Money can't buy you love?
Sure worked for my ex husband when his girlfriend of a week inherited a vast sum of money.

Having been in a very similar relationship to you and him having tried to systematically destroy my life by telling lies about me to the chief exec of my workplace - literally emailing every single day saying some vile vile and very personal things - I would sit back and think about it for awhile.

I had to take out a non-molestation order and I'll legal department managed to get him to stop his actions.

Mentally I was a mess for months and months and months but once that had cleared I wanted revenge.

But I didn't do it and now I am so glad I didn't do it. I'm not a vengeful person and I couldn't have lived with myself. My revenge was saying NO when he came back begging for a second chance.

Just to add here

I firstly would do it
Why the hell not

Secondly
My ex abused me
Destroyed my life
Tried to kill me

He is on a popular tv show and it solicitor told me to contact his workplace after he had continued to harass me over a two year period

Glad now I didn't as no doubt the absolute mad man would have me done for tarnishing his character
I often wonder if my solicitor was right to advise in that way

Any way

Do it
He sounds vile
Fck these men who ruin lives

@Onthedunes we we’re together for a couple of years prior to him wanting to change careers. My father has no connections in the industry he is in, and merely gave him the money for the training he wanted to do, because he is kind and wanted to help him. I like to think myself of a catch and all of my hard work came from myself, my dad didn’t give me a penny. I wanted nothing but the best for him, thinking if he was happy he would be a good partner to me. I certainly hold no power and had no intention but to be in a loving relationship. I’m just sad that once his career changed so did he.

Do you have lawyers involved? My lawyer is aware of something dodgy my ex has done, which could impact upon him negatively. He is using it as a blackmailing bargaining chip if ex doesn’t behave during negotiations. My conscience will be clear - lawyer probably has a legal duty to report.

But he only should have been able to do this once.
I think you're angry with yourself that you allowed him back him and gave him the opportunity to it not just another time. But one after that.
This isn't a case of you having. I where else to go and him having financial control. You freely let him in again and again.

OP you say "There is a whistle blower policy in place in his industry and the evidence is overwhelming."

Whistleblower policies are in place to protect people from the harm caused by bad apples such as your DH. Setting aside your own vindictive feelings towards him, is it not your responsibility to report what he has done for the sake of others?

Just as an example, if he's an airline pilot with a coke habit, don't you worry about the passengers? If he's a surgeon with an alcohol habit, don't you worry about the patients? etc etc (please translate as appropriate for whatever line of work he is in and whatever his particular failings are...)

Just sums up what he is .

At 25 I'd have been all for the nasty revenge but at 45 I feel completely differently.

From what you've said OP I'd say he has some narc traits going on there - extremely shallow and materialistic, flits between declaring he desperately wants you and treating you like shit, seeking validation by sleeping with other people, likes the life style you provide and sees no problem in using you for that, cuts people out like they are nothing when they are no longer useful, wants to impress others by having lavish events such as your wedding (lucky escape you had there!).

I think the best revenge is to know you are the better person, that you have genuine self esteem BECAUSE you know that you would never treat anyone the way he has treated you. Please don't stoop down to his level, you already have a wonderful business and great house. He on the other hand has pissed a lot of people off and is still trying to worm his way back in with you. What a pathetic little weasel.

I'd pay your dad back yourself over time and never have anything to do with that loser again. That is your revenge, he's lost the best thing he'll ever have.

I think if you have dirt on him that could destroy his career, it may be your duty to reveal it. Careers don’t get destroyed because of idle unprovable gossip, but they do if he’s done something unethical/illegal. If it’s a case of the latter, you are potentially protecting his future clients/employers by making a disclosure now.

please consider your personal safety first, though. He sounds narcissistic and they can get pretty nasty when something strikes at the ego. Only act if you can do so safely and anonymously, I would say.

I’ve been out for dinner with some mutual friends this evening and heard that he’s done something else super dangerous so I think for his own safety, and the safety of those in his care, it is right to report him no matter what. Everyone around ‘us’ thinks he has serious mental health issues and I was gobsmacked to hear what he’d done just a couple of days ago. Like a few people said, he seems to be keen to bury himself, doesn’t need much help from me!

Yes, I think the safety of those in his care should not be just an afterthought or a subtext to your revenge. It's actually rather important.

Is he a doctor?

Do it

Have you?!!