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Relationships

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Original poster

If you could destroy your ex given the chance, would you?

192 replies

Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 20:35

NC for this as this could be outing and wicked.

Bit of background…

My ex, been with for 10 years who I adored. I was pretty much the perfect partner, loyal, loving, supportive. However he constantly lied & cheated. Came home and he’d emptied his belongings 3 times. Each time was so cold and stonewalled, slept with other people each time he left, then stupidly managed to worm his way back in with his empty promises. Second time he left I found out I was pregnant, he forced me to have an abortion. After grovelling like an idiot I took him back, he proposed and planned a huge wedding, he cancelled the wedding without telling me, emptied our house and off he went again. Now this time he’s got his own rented house and I’ve just found out he’s been sleeping with someone else. Whenever he gets caught out he’s done his usual and begged to come back, get married, try for a baby etc.

Now I should point out that he has an exceptional job, one that my family funded for his training, so he wouldn’t have without me, one that any woman would find desirable, he’s very good looking, so he gets away with his behaviour because everyone thinks he’s the dogs danglies. His job is very well paid, however I started a company a few years ago that has had unbelievable success. We had/have an amazing property which I have managed to keep on alone. He is very materialistic and it’s the lifestyle I give him he loves, not me, I know that.

he is grovelling to come back…but I have such dirt on him that I could finish his career tomorrow. Without his job I don’t think anyone would give him the time of day, he would never be allowed to work in the industry again and it would finish him. I also could then discard him like the piece of shit he is and live our amazing life by myself, which would destroy him even further.

the question is, is it worth me destroying his life and leaving him wishing he never messed with me in the first place, or leaving him to charm his way through life causing a trail of destruction wherever he goes. He wouldn’t really give two shits if I turned my back for good, as he’ll have a string of woman that will want to be with him.

do I / don’t I?

OP posts:

coodawoodashooda · 27/06/2022 04:17

Dubsub · 27/06/2022 04:06

Is Karma a universal law? No - otherwise this would mean that victims of awful crimes/ extreme negligence (like Bhopal or Aberfan) somehow deserved it. I got revenge twice on men who put me down. I’m still very happy I did this (for my own self respect).

In your case, you seeking revenge could help to rebalance good in the world by NOT allowing another bastard to get off scott free. Please do it sister, blow that whistle, don’t wait hoping someone else will do it. 💪

This

frazzledasarock · 27/06/2022 04:23

The whistleblowing definitely as it sounds like it needs to be done.

I’d also dangle the carrot of letting him return to your home if he pays your dad back. Then I’d ghost him completely once the money was returned.

would I let him back into my home in reality. Not a chance. You seem to be casting about for a reason to take him back.

Dubsub · 27/06/2022 04:31

In fact revenge is your duty 😀. The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good women to do nothing. Get busy Shouldishouldnti2 !

silentpool · 27/06/2022 04:38

Get your money back. Then walk away. While revenge fantasies may feel like they will heal the hole in your life, they won't. Someone like that will trip themselves up at some point and you can just watch from a distance.

Itstimetoquit · 27/06/2022 05:01

I would do it,it's called karma!

daisychain01 · 27/06/2022 05:15

You should have dumped him the first time you split up. Instead you gave him the power by placing the blame on him for coming back into your life.

And now you're continuing to give him the power by allowing him to occupy your every thought plotting to bring him down.

I can't see what benefit you'll actually get by continuing this charade, what a drain on your emotional energy! Give your head a wobble and move on with your life, it'll be over before you know it.

daisychain01 · 27/06/2022 05:17

Iow madness lies in drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Iwonder08 · 27/06/2022 05:20

OP, I think you presented it wrong in your opening post. In reality it sounds like he behaved inappropriately in his professional capacity as you are suggesting whistle blowing process in his industry. By not sharing it you are protecting him. Is he worth protecting? He cheated on you, used you and your fily as a leverage in his career, stole your family money from the wedding cancellation..

SistersRdoingit4themselves · 27/06/2022 05:25

I wish I had the courage to do this on men that have treated me badly in the past.

I think it's okay to hold your head up high and put a smile on your face and accept what they have done. But....there is a terrible injustice to it all. Why should they get away with it? Why should the good people always have to bear the brunt of someone else's misery and pain? Why doesnt the person who wronged you learn a few lessons and do some work on themselves instead of just knowing they can walk all over you whenever they choose and get away with it? Maybe if they learnt actions have consequences perhaps they would think twice before ruining someone's life. Then again perhaps they genuinely don't care who they hurt. In which case perhaps they do need a taste of their own medicine. If the roles were reverse would he just walk away or would he destroy you if he had the opportunity? I've always tried to be the bigger person, done the right thing and it's never worked out in my favour. People that have broken me, walk off completely Scott free while I'm left broken. If I had the guts and was brave enough I would have done it. I don't know how I would have felt afterwards-probably guilty and horrible. But maybe that's better than the injustice of it eating you up from the inside out. That just makes a good person go bad.
Op if you can do it. Do it. Blow his fucking world apart.

TidyDancer · 27/06/2022 05:32

I would definitely take revenge if I had the chance. I've been treated badly by one particular man for a long time and if I ever get the opportunity to assist in his downfall I'll absolutely take it.

overnightangel · 27/06/2022 05:33

SugarNspices · 26/06/2022 23:01

If he done something so bad that it means he shouldn't be doing that job (revenge aside) Yes I do it, the seeing him get what he deserves because of all the other stuff would be just be a bonus. If he should t be doing that job and he is abusing his position somehow then you should have no guilt but to Whistle blow.

This

startfresh · 27/06/2022 05:35

I would take great pleasure in doing it in this situation.

Zeppdraft · 27/06/2022 06:01

I would. About to do it myself. Once I ruin his job for him the fall out will be that he takes the person he was doing it with down too. Good. They both did it they both deserve it..

StopStartStop · 27/06/2022 06:09

Disentangle yourself from this man and have nothing further to do with him - ever. He is not worth the energy you might put into 'destroying' him.

PermanentTemporary · 27/06/2022 06:21

He sounds truly awful.

I think your dad was a fool to pay such big amounts by untraceable cash. Why did he do that? Avoiding tax or something? Upto him to pursue that money.

I would question your belief that 'the perfect partner' is someone who puts up with anything.

Where this man is concerned you don't seem to have any balance or proportion. You have done almost anything to keep him. So I conclude that you should stay away from him, physically and mentally. Whistleblowing is an immensely stressful thing to do and a lot of people will conclude that you are doing it for revenge, which indeed you are. The truth will get lost and you may even end up bolstering his position instead of damaging it. The idea that you will stay anonymous is frankly unlikely in the modern era. He will come after you.

I just can't see the slightest benefit to you in continuing to be in this man's vicinity.

daisychain01 · 27/06/2022 06:26

Why doesnt the person who wronged you learn a few lessons and do some work on themselves instead of just knowing they can walk all over you whenever they choose and get away with it?

Life doesn't work in such neat and tidy ways where the wrongdoer suddenly has an epiphany moment, recognise how they've wrecked someone's life or stolen or cheated on them so they go off and do some work on themselves. If only!

we should be encouraging our fellow women on here to treat the person as they deserve, like a used tissue, a piece on dirt under their foot, not worthy of spending time, effort and personal resource in a vain attempt to "bring them down". The OP is the one to do some work on themselves, not continuing to perpetuate the drama, keeping the anger alive and allowing themselves to play the victim role.

the words in the OP say it all -

Each time was so cold and stonewalled, slept with other people each time he left, then stupidly managed to worm his way back in with his empty promises

who was the stupid one here? Difficult to know if the OP means themselves or the bloke? Is this to say they've had absolutely no control over the situation? If not, the work they need to do on themselves is to take back control and move forward from someone who has clearly had far to much control thus far.

if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.

daisychain01 · 27/06/2022 06:28

to = too

Catlover1970 · 27/06/2022 06:32

Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 20:35

NC for this as this could be outing and wicked.

Bit of background…

do I / don’t I?

Is this a real post? Just seems so contrived to make up a story for drama?

Catlover1970 · 27/06/2022 06:33

Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 20:54

And this is the beauty of it, I can pretend to take him back, unload this absolute atomic bomb on him that he would never dream it was me, then dispose of him…it would be something from a movie, but I just don’t know if I can be that vindictive?!

Surely this nonsense is from a movie?!

Totheweekend · 27/06/2022 06:42

You need to work on yourself. He gave you multiple opportunities to see who he is and yet you kept taking him back.
I say, spend some of your zillions on therapy to help you move on.

Cherrysoup · 27/06/2022 07:12

Focus on getting your dad’s money back, I assume it’s a lot? Then yes, I’d definitely whistle blow. He’s ruined your life, I’d have no compunction in doing the same to him.

Dozycuntlaters · 27/06/2022 07:18

Just for the fact of taking your dads money I would pull the plug and grass him up. I wouldn't bother getting back with him though, just dob him in then be done with it. The guys a prick and totally deserves everything he gets!

Alarchbach · 27/06/2022 07:22

I would blackmail him and tell him you will release the info unless he gives the money back.
if he gives it back I’d probably just get on with my life, if he doesn’t, I’d ruin him.

BadAtMaths2 · 27/06/2022 07:29

I’d get some therapy if I was you….

Shitscared123 · 27/06/2022 07:50

You sound very angry and obsessed with this guy. I’d withdraw from this situation for a while, sort myself out, and then whistleblow when calmer. I’m not against the idea of dobbing the fucker in, but not in your current state, which is unhinged.

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