If you could destroy your ex given the chance, would you?

[Shouldishouldnti2]

NC for this as this could be outing and wicked.

Bit of background…

My ex, been with for 10 years who I adored. I was pretty much the perfect partner, loyal, loving, supportive. However he constantly lied & cheated. Came home and he’d emptied his belongings 3 times. Each time was so cold and stonewalled, slept with other people each time he left, then stupidly managed to worm his way back in with his empty promises. Second time he left I found out I was pregnant, he forced me to have an abortion. After grovelling like an idiot I took him back, he proposed and planned a huge wedding, he cancelled the wedding without telling me, emptied our house and off he went again. Now this time he’s got his own rented house and I’ve just found out he’s been sleeping with someone else. Whenever he gets caught out he’s done his usual and begged to come back, get married, try for a baby etc.

Now I should point out that he has an exceptional job, one that my family funded for his training, so he wouldn’t have without me, one that any woman would find desirable, he’s very good looking, so he gets away with his behaviour because everyone thinks he’s the dogs danglies. His job is very well paid, however I started a company a few years ago that has had unbelievable success. We had/have an amazing property which I have managed to keep on alone. He is very materialistic and it’s the lifestyle I give him he loves, not me, I know that.

he is grovelling to come back…but I have such dirt on him that I could finish his career tomorrow. Without his job I don’t think anyone would give him the time of day, he would never be allowed to work in the industry again and it would finish him. I also could then discard him like the piece of shit he is and live our amazing life by myself, which would destroy him even further.

the question is, is it worth me destroying his life and leaving him wishing he never messed with me in the first place, or leaving him to charm his way through life causing a trail of destruction wherever he goes. He wouldn’t really give two shits if I turned my back for good, as he’ll have a string of woman that will want to be with him.

do I / don’t I?

The instinct for revenge is normal. However when you are healed which is a long process and may never be fully, you start to feel indifferent towards them. Do i believe in karma? absolutely, if you really want revenge let him see you dont give a fuck and let some other woman put up with all his shit. He was a big lesson and has showed you what you dont want in a relationship. however horrific, the lesson makes you stronger

He doesn’t know fully yet, he will hit the roof when he finds out.

oh and I’m not pretending I’m not a woman scorned…I totally am. But I’m also a woman who doesn’t have to take it lying down and just accept terrible behaviour. No part of this am I doing for his own welfare! It’s cold hard nasty spiteful revenge. Which not many people get the opportunity to have.

This

Did you write the “we were on a break” thread? The unusual wording is very similar.

Its very tempting to want to do this but just be prepared in case it doesn’t work out as you’d expect. I was raped by an ex boyfriend and, although it was reported to police it didn’t proceed to court despite overwhelming evidence. He continued harassing me and in the end I forwarded all the evidence from the rape case to his family, friends and workplace - photos taken by the hospital of the bruises, scratches and bite marks when I was clearly heavily pregnant, the WhatsApp exchanges we’d had arranging to meet and him apologising afterwards for going too far when I clearly wanted to leave, police reports etc. Not a single person was in any way concerned and he continues in his work with vulnerable women. I’m furious with myself for doing it as all I ended up achieving was making myself look deranged.

Destroy in that way, no. It would give me no satisfaction and just cause drama (sorry to be boring!)

If I could snap my fingers and he would never have existed that would be fine (Well I suppose I wouldn't have DS1. I guess he can live until that point then.)

I think whether to reveal a secret would also depend on whether keeping the secret could cause harm to others - like for example if somebody is a sex offender and might be a danger to people if not prosecuted.

Much more satisfying to watch him destroy himself....which he will

Wait till your father gets his money back.

Then do it. Revenge is a dish best eaten cold.

I wouldn't. Move on.

The best, most powerful thing you can do is to simply walk away and never exchange another word with him. Cut him out of your life forever, change your number, block any contact at all. Focus on your own recovery and future without all this crazy drama and hurt and pain. The absolute best revenge in the world is to get on with your life without him.

Yes I would.

Absolutely I would, and I'm sure he would if the roles were reversed.

@Myfairytalecametrue he 100% would. He is the most spiteful person going. If anyone upsets him he always seeks revenge and will then cut them out of his life until he needs them again.

If I had the opportunity to do this, I absolutely would.

Don’t take him back and live the very best version of your life so that he becomes a speck on the horizon. That will eat him up.
Cut him off in any way you can financially & professionally and don’t give him any more head space. It sounds like someone else will eventually expose him and you can sit back and laugh then.

Well. Do you need our permission?
He's a thief and a liar
He isn't a good employee if he's that dishonest and it sounds like you know he's doing something dodgy

Can your dad sue him for money taken under false pretences for the wedding which he has now kept? It's fraud... I'm sure your dad can evidence he gave him the money and you can evidence he put down deposits then sought refund solely to himself and kept that money...

Interrelated in what info you have that will destroy his career ?! He must be a very dishonest man if you have that kind of evidence

I would do it...After you've got the money back.

I have an ex...I would destroy him in a heartbeat for what he put me through and what he did to my dc.

Absolutely no way should you have him back why on earth is this a good idea!

Have some respect for yourself as he clearly doesn't he sounds horrible

I don't know that you're just angry with him. I don't know that this revenge will help you heal. If you did it...how might he retaliate?

Oh God no. Just move on. My ex was awful. I could write a book about all the cruel things he did to me but it's because he's a deeply unhappy and insecure man. Getting revenge on him wouldn't have made me feel better. I just created a wonderful life for myself and don't waste any energy thinking about him.

Question I would be asking is "How vindictive is this cunt?" If you really do have the means to trash his life then he would (in his own mind, perhaps) feel justified in taking batshit revenge himself? (i know hired hitmen is the stuff of tabloid newspapers but these things do happen). How about a half way house? Tell him that unless he gives back to money owed then you will destroy him. You will have to provide him with rock solid proof that you can do this, and that if any "accident" befalls you then this will definitely com out. He gets to cough up and live in fear of this hanging over his head (forever) and you get the warm glow of revenge without having to dob him in. I read too many crime books.

I would. And I'd really enjoy doing it!

One of my exs yes as he's a dangerous man.

He would never ever know it was me. There is a whistle blower policy in place in his industry and the evidence is overwhelming. Lots of people know what happened and he’s pissed so many people off it would be impossible for him to find out who leaked it.

I would, because all that 'best way to get revenge is to ignore....' is total bullshit. Some people never get their comeuppance in a timely manner, so if it wasn't illegal I absolutely would.

I would.