If you could destroy your ex given the chance, would you?

[Shouldishouldnti2]

NC for this as this could be outing and wicked.

Bit of background…

My ex, been with for 10 years who I adored. I was pretty much the perfect partner, loyal, loving, supportive. However he constantly lied & cheated. Came home and he’d emptied his belongings 3 times. Each time was so cold and stonewalled, slept with other people each time he left, then stupidly managed to worm his way back in with his empty promises. Second time he left I found out I was pregnant, he forced me to have an abortion. After grovelling like an idiot I took him back, he proposed and planned a huge wedding, he cancelled the wedding without telling me, emptied our house and off he went again. Now this time he’s got his own rented house and I’ve just found out he’s been sleeping with someone else. Whenever he gets caught out he’s done his usual and begged to come back, get married, try for a baby etc.

Now I should point out that he has an exceptional job, one that my family funded for his training, so he wouldn’t have without me, one that any woman would find desirable, he’s very good looking, so he gets away with his behaviour because everyone thinks he’s the dogs danglies. His job is very well paid, however I started a company a few years ago that has had unbelievable success. We had/have an amazing property which I have managed to keep on alone. He is very materialistic and it’s the lifestyle I give him he loves, not me, I know that.

he is grovelling to come back…but I have such dirt on him that I could finish his career tomorrow. Without his job I don’t think anyone would give him the time of day, he would never be allowed to work in the industry again and it would finish him. I also could then discard him like the piece of shit he is and live our amazing life by myself, which would destroy him even further.

the question is, is it worth me destroying his life and leaving him wishing he never messed with me in the first place, or leaving him to charm his way through life causing a trail of destruction wherever he goes. He wouldn’t really give two shits if I turned my back for good, as he’ll have a string of woman that will want to be with him.

do I / don’t I?

I would use whatever leverage you have to get back any money that is owed to you and your family (because money is money, try to take all the emotion out) and then leave him to stew in his own juices.

He doesn't care OP, it is not an emotional thing for him, there is nothing you can do except legally make him fulfil his financial commitments. He will care about that, a lot.

It sounds like you should whistle blow as he is doing things he shouldn't at work and possibly other people could end up taking the rap, or the company lose money.

Nope. He was an abusive arsehole but no, I'd not be interested in making any effort either positive or negative, I literally feel nothing for him.

Damn right

Do it
Do it

Just do it!

He has treated you cold and messed you about while playing with your emotions, treating you like a toy.

revenge is sweet but this would be more like giving him a dose of his own medicine rather than being vindictive or revengeful. Furthermore, you have no children together and he's technically stolen your dad's money, so I'd say it's justified for you to go ahead, do it!

He has earned the fall from grace.

And please let us know the outcome 🙌🙌🙌🙌

i had a big thing then it deleted. Don’t do the emotional mess - letting him back into your life -too much risk. Do consider whistle blowing if it is low risk to you. I don’t think I would regret that in 10 years once the pain has gone as it is objectively justified.

Look, You’re either that type of person or you’re not
Given you’ve come on here to ask suggests the latter

Id do it, guys like this seem to get away with treating people like shit and then moving on without a care in the world. Id prioritise trying to get your father’s money back then do it. It might make him think twice about why someone would do it to him.

I can see why he didn’t treat you well, you deserve to be treated badly if this is how you think.

Please don't even pretend to take him back, thats pretty weird . Not sure if I would grass him up at work either, maybe your father could ?

I wouldn't do it for the purpose of getting revenge, as I think focussing your attention on people that have mistreated you just gives them importance they have not earned and do not deserve.

From the circumstances you have described, I would want the truth out in the industry about what sort of a person he is, in a public service announcement type of way.

As an aside, karma does not exist and is the nonsense theory that attempts to justify the caste system (i.e. that people are inherently unequal). Please don't listen to anyone that tells you it is real.

Stte but if he's doing something illegal/unethical he should be reported.... Not out of revenge but because it's the right thing to do.

I'd do it OP

I'd definitely do it.

I would do it. Karma doesn't actually work and people who do horrible things to others, often go on to live a long and happy life leaving misery in their wake. Karma the bd!

Do it but without the getting back together thing.

Honestly you sound obsessed and pathetic. How can you imagine you were a perfect partner? He kept having affairs and doesn't value you at all. You were absolutely not perfect for him. It's not his fault you kept taking him back or that you had an abortion. You could have said no. Make your own life good from now on. Waste not a second more of your time on this chancer

This is some worryingly batshit stuff.

"this would absolutely destroy him"

And people are egging this on?

For me, this would be about who I am and who I want to be.
When you're elderly, looking back over your life, what do you want to be looking at?

You've played a part in these shenanigans too. You should have had some gumption and not taken him back. Accept your share of the responsibility, and move on. What goes around, comes around.

You probably will think I am deranged but after my ex cheated on me, stole a large sum of money from our joint business and emptied our joint account so I could not pay child's school fees. I used to dream of revenge. Really truly terrible things like finding a hit man to put him in hospital then he die and I clean up on life insurance. I honestly think if I had known how to find a hitman I would have paid a lot of money to get him seriously hurt, except he stole all my money. I even dreamed one night of pouring acid in his eyes. I had these obsessive dreams and fantasies for about 8 months. Until our divorce was over. Then they just stopped. In my own head I had killed him about twenty times by then. Now I never hardly think of him. His life did not turn out well. I remarried and I am very comfortable whilst without me he could not run business alone successfully so had to give it up and now he works in a job my son says he hates. OP let your vengeful thoughts out in your dreams. Remember if you act you may get entangled in his downfall.

Is Karma a universal law? No - otherwise this would mean that victims of awful crimes/ extreme negligence (like Bhopal or Aberfan) somehow deserved it. I got revenge twice on men who put me down. I’m still very happy I did this (for my own self respect).

In your case, you seeking revenge could help to rebalance good in the world by NOT allowing another bastard to get off scott free. Please do it sister, blow that whistle, don’t wait hoping someone else will do it. 💪

Ps I didn’t hospitalise anyone.