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Original poster

If you could destroy your ex given the chance, would you?

192 replies

Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 20:35

NC for this as this could be outing and wicked.

Bit of background…

My ex, been with for 10 years who I adored. I was pretty much the perfect partner, loyal, loving, supportive. However he constantly lied & cheated. Came home and he’d emptied his belongings 3 times. Each time was so cold and stonewalled, slept with other people each time he left, then stupidly managed to worm his way back in with his empty promises. Second time he left I found out I was pregnant, he forced me to have an abortion. After grovelling like an idiot I took him back, he proposed and planned a huge wedding, he cancelled the wedding without telling me, emptied our house and off he went again. Now this time he’s got his own rented house and I’ve just found out he’s been sleeping with someone else. Whenever he gets caught out he’s done his usual and begged to come back, get married, try for a baby etc.

Now I should point out that he has an exceptional job, one that my family funded for his training, so he wouldn’t have without me, one that any woman would find desirable, he’s very good looking, so he gets away with his behaviour because everyone thinks he’s the dogs danglies. His job is very well paid, however I started a company a few years ago that has had unbelievable success. We had/have an amazing property which I have managed to keep on alone. He is very materialistic and it’s the lifestyle I give him he loves, not me, I know that.

he is grovelling to come back…but I have such dirt on him that I could finish his career tomorrow. Without his job I don’t think anyone would give him the time of day, he would never be allowed to work in the industry again and it would finish him. I also could then discard him like the piece of shit he is and live our amazing life by myself, which would destroy him even further.

the question is, is it worth me destroying his life and leaving him wishing he never messed with me in the first place, or leaving him to charm his way through life causing a trail of destruction wherever he goes. He wouldn’t really give two shits if I turned my back for good, as he’ll have a string of woman that will want to be with him.

do I / don’t I?

OP posts:
GettingItOutThere · 26/06/2022 21:58

yes i would

then i would also take him to the small claims court for the money.

GoodbyeErinsborough · 26/06/2022 21:58

I would. Fuck him 🤷‍♀️

scoobydoo1971 · 26/06/2022 21:58

The dignified option is to block him and refuse any contact. Then watch his free fall from a sensible distance. The online world will let you find out how he is doing, and don't expect an instant result as it could take years. Sure he will win favour with certain people, but in professional circles those in charge are looking for output and performance rather than a pretty face. I am ancient at 50+ and I know not one person like the one describe who has not had their karma come and get them.

bloodyplanes · 26/06/2022 22:00

Yep i most definitely would and wouldn't regret doing it either.He deserves it.

HeadOnShoulders · 26/06/2022 22:00

Are you sure it's not well known anyway? I mean we've all heard about the covid parties and crony track and trace contracts...

Useranon1 · 26/06/2022 22:01

Why do you have to pretend to take him back to do it?

I hate the 'rise above', 'be dignified' stuff. Just teaches women to stay silent and accept being badly treated.

You say your family paid for his training and he stole from them - yes I'd take his job.

Wakemeup17 · 26/06/2022 22:03

Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 20:50

I’m not sure?! I guess to see how he actually copes in life when he isn’t given everything on a plate, yes, but would it change my life, no of course not.

The other beauty of it is he’s just pissed off nearly everyone in his life, so he would never ever know it was me.

it’s spiteful for sure, but he’ll always be in my life due to our families, so can I bear to see his smug face giving no shits to how many people he has hurt…it’s a tough one.

if someone else did it rather than me I wouldn’t feel sorry for him, put it that way

I'd do it. If you have something on him so serious that it would destroy his career to the degree you describe, I think his work should know.

LemonKitten · 26/06/2022 22:04

Yep, without any qualms.

Yellowhase · 26/06/2022 22:04

Personally no I would rather cut ties and block him from my life. I have had a horrible ex in the past. I could have reported him to the police for his behaviour but chose not to. As it meant he wouldn’t have gone to uni and would still have been around harassing me. I am free from him and his horrible ways. I feel sorry for whoever ended up with him tbh.

Original poster
Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 22:07

I just feel that by letting him back into our big comfy house with all of the things he loves, letting him think he’s got everything he wants, and then taking the whole lot, not just one part of his life, feels like not doing a half hearted job. His entire world would collapse around him, not just one bit. He would literally have nothing. If I take the rented house away from him too (he’s said it can easily be re-rented as they have a list of people after property) then he would have to go and start from scratch. No career, no home, nothing. I’ve already taken his new Range Rover from him that he had here, and that stung him enough, this would absolutely destroy him.

OP posts:
bathwatertea · 26/06/2022 22:08

ChangedMyNamrButStillMe · 26/06/2022 21:07

Did you write the “we were on a break” thread? The unusual wording is very similar.

Its very tempting to want to do this but just be prepared in case it doesn’t work out as you’d expect. I was raped by an ex boyfriend and, although it was reported to police it didn’t proceed to court despite overwhelming evidence. He continued harassing me and in the end I forwarded all the evidence from the rape case to his family, friends and workplace - photos taken by the hospital of the bruises, scratches and bite marks when I was clearly heavily pregnant, the WhatsApp exchanges we’d had arranging to meet and him apologising afterwards for going too far when I clearly wanted to leave, police reports etc. Not a single person was in any way concerned and he continues in his work with vulnerable women. I’m furious with myself for doing it as all I ended up achieving was making myself look deranged.

😮the world is shocking sometimes. I’m so sorry this happened.

MirandaJayne · 26/06/2022 22:10

Oh god. Move on and give yourself a pat on the back for doing so.

Fayekrista · 26/06/2022 22:23

I'd absolutely pretend he had a chance of reconciliation, just until I got my dad's money back... then yes I'd blow the fuckers world apart job wise.
Worry about the counselling after to deal with any regret.
I'm obvs a lot more cold hearted than most of the posters here lol

Scepticalwotsits · 26/06/2022 22:29

Why would you. The opposite of love isn’t hate it’s indifference.

all you will do it spend time and mental energy trying to do it, and end up ruining your own self in the process. The best way to show it to them is to move on, be the best you can be and show how much better you are now.

trying to destroy them is immature and secondary school and only makes you look petty and the unreasonable one to everyone else

TheQueensMarmaladeSandwich · 26/06/2022 22:30

Definitely get the money back, then burn the cunt down

He made you abort your baby! What the actual hell!!

Take. Him. Down.....I would do this to my abusive ex 30 years down the line

Original poster
Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 22:32

@Scepticalwotsits i get that, but no one would know it was me. Bar the dumping of course!

OP posts:
hellosummeritsme · 26/06/2022 22:36

DO IT!

TheWayoftheLeaf · 26/06/2022 22:40

Don't. He may choose to get revenge. And men who want revenge often do terrible things... especially if they think they have nothing left to lose.

Block him on everything. Ignore him on all sides. Move on.

Scepticalwotsits · 26/06/2022 22:41

Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 22:32

@Scepticalwotsits i get that, but no one would know it was me. Bar the dumping of course!

So the only take you got from that would be that no one would know it was you.

the point I was making was far more than that. To quote some philosophy- before starting on a journey of revenge dig two graves

CallOnMe · 26/06/2022 22:43

No. You need to just move on with your life.

You’re hurt but you still want him in your life. So you’re trying to come up with a plan which means you get to keep in contact with him but without feeling like you’ve been mugged off again.

You making him less desirable to other women isn’t going to change him and make him want you more. Which is what you want to happen.

If you genuinely didn’t care about him or want him in your life then you’d find the quickest way to get him out of your life and cut contact.

I know it hurts and its not fair that he has hurt you and gotten away with it but this is why he knows he can keep coming back and doing it all over again as you don’t let him go.

HundredMilesAnHour · 26/06/2022 22:45

Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 22:07

I just feel that by letting him back into our big comfy house with all of the things he loves, letting him think he’s got everything he wants, and then taking the whole lot, not just one part of his life, feels like not doing a half hearted job. His entire world would collapse around him, not just one bit. He would literally have nothing. If I take the rented house away from him too (he’s said it can easily be re-rented as they have a list of people after property) then he would have to go and start from scratch. No career, no home, nothing. I’ve already taken his new Range Rover from him that he had here, and that stung him enough, this would absolutely destroy him.

Now this starts making you sound a little unhinged.

Whistleblowing is fine (since he's obviously broken the rules within your industry) but the rest is too much. You're lowering yourself to his level.

Duttercup · 26/06/2022 22:46

This all certainly sounds very exciting, OP.

(Imagine the 'It's the drama Mick' gif here)

Scarydinosaurs · 26/06/2022 22:47

Why would your information end his career? Is it something his employer should know? Is he putting people at risk in his work? It must be serious if it would end his career? It sounds like you should tell for bigger reasons than revenge.

Original poster
Shouldishouldnti2 · 26/06/2022 22:52

And I totally understand. There is certainly no compassion here at all. I’m making no excuses for myself. This is pure revenge, something that many think about, but not many have the option to serve. I do. It’s not nice and it’s totally selfish, but it’s the choice I have. Whether I take it or not, is why I’m asking everyone’s opinion.

OP posts:
SugarNspices · 26/06/2022 23:01

If he done something so bad that it means he shouldn't be doing that job (revenge aside) Yes I do it, the seeing him get what he deserves because of all the other stuff would be just be a bonus. If he should t be doing that job and he is abusing his position somehow then you should have no guilt but to Whistle blow.