How to nip an intense mutual attraction in the bud?

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As the title suggests I'm in a situation where I've developed an intense and unfortunately mutual attraction to a man I have to see regularly. I am 45 and he is 51. We are both happily marrried for decades and have no desire to screw our lives up but the attraction is huge on both sides. We've done nothing but other people have already commented on the tension between us.

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this and is there an easy fix to nip this in the bud?

I don't think it helps that it's been acknowledged. This does happen, I had it with a (mercifully very temporary) colleague once, it was pure chemistry and completely unexpected because I didn't even like him much. I'm sure it was mutual. But he never said anything or alluded to it in any way at all and neither did I and if he had I would have denied it / ignored it / laughed it off. Speaking about it together is already indulging it so you need to row back from that.

Agreed, but in addition to those biological drives and instincts we have intelligence, principles and accountability. Thats what makes us human.

Can't you just enjoy the attraction without doing anything about it?

You're 45, not 18 on Love Island. Just enjoy getting on with your neighbour.

This does happen, I had it with a (mercifully very temporary) colleague once, it was pure chemistry and completely unexpected because I didn't even like him much. I'm sure it was mutual

Yeah, it happens. I've always worked with a lot of men, in a male dominated industry. Occasionally one or two are attractive. I don't go round thinking everyone fancies me but you can tell if it's mutual. It definitely doesn't mean I would do anything about it. It's like ok, we're only human, let's move on. I'm sure it happens to DH at work as well.

I just wish I could find the off button.

You can, youre just making excuses. Avoid him, stop walking the dog with him.

If you are really so desperate to be together, have the decency to finish with your spouses first. You won't either of you do that though will you? because you know it's a silly little lust-filled crush. Imagine how upset your dh will be if he finds out - and hold onto that thought.

and he'd still jump me if I gave him the nod

How can you fancy someone who would do that to his wife?

Has he ever told you he feels that way?
All you have said is that a neighbour joked you were having an affair because you walk your dogs at the same time.

Bit of a leap to "he'd jump me if he had the chance".

I agree the behaviour of this guy is tacky, but referring to 'someone of that age' implies you'd be less disapproving if the guy was younger?

God. Some of these replies . So fucking judgemental. You don't get married and turn off all your feelings forever. You can be middle aged and still feel sexual.

It's just a crush OP. You say you'll try not to shag him. In the words of Yoda, "No! There is no "try" "

Just...don't!

I think the earlier advice about not trying to look nice is good. Wear your worst things. Don't make an effort with your appearance at all, even though it goes against every "want to attract a mate" instinct you have. Find yourself a distraction. Take up a very energetic sport.

I'm very rarely harsh on here but you are being an absolute 15-years-old, Mills and Boon reading DICK OP, Wake Up!!!

Every one else in real life and on here can see your creepy pathetic player NDN will have loads of other women on his radar, as anyone in a skirt and suitably lacking in self-esteem will do, and he can play the numbers game with lots of silly women who fall for his act because perhaps they never felt very attractive when they were younger... He is after a/multiple SHAG, it isn't a love story. And he knows exactly what to say to get you dreaming of what he is (never) going to give you, and unless and until you act on this fantasy, you deserve far better than him...

Have you considered that a lot of his attraction to you is BECAUSE you have a husband ?! Your husband should be your first consideration or you will lose EVERYTHING. Talk to him, bring your husband back in close to you where he should be. See that this is just a blip in your marriage. Talking to the right man is all you need to bring this fantasy into reality and I agree with PP that it will disappear in a puff of smoke and your marriage could be healthier and stronger as a result. FFS listen to what everyone is saying on here! Good luck x

The pair of them have met up to discuss how much they need to avoid getting any closer 🙄

My DP's ex had an affair with their neighbour. DP found some texts between them. It was so grubby and stereotypical and no one covered themselves with glory. She has moved on now of course, but JeremyNextDoor remains. The funny thing is, that when I met him at a BBQ, I got some very overfriendly vibes. These blokes get such a kick out of their own perceived power over women. I just gave him a hard stare and confined our conversation to the weather.

I don’t know what’s worse, a horny neighbour or someone from nightmare neighbours from hell.
Lesser of two evils.

You sound like you are looking for validation. Treat your husband the way you would expect to be treated.

My mates mum had an affair with the next door neighbour, she never looked at her mum the same. Think about how your kids will feel when they find out, they won’t forgive you for shaming them in front of the neighbourhood and humiliating their dad.

Perhaps stop walking your dogs at the same time?

You have already done something, you’ve had inappropriate interactions and conversations. Stop being to childish and just avoid him, your talking yourself into this affair. It’s just a bit of hormones.

Omg you guys are MEAN. OP wants help on how to manage this, not tips on how to have a covert affair. Or worse, posted that they've already done something and need to stop.

Good luck OP - no advice sorry but you have my sympathies.

I bet if you did get together it would be a complete anti climax, OP.

He sounds awful, any decent man would avoid you like the plague, not instigate cosy chats where you can stroke his ego and tell him how much you fancy him too.

You can't help feeling attracted to someone, but you can choose how you react to it. He's a danger to your marriage, keep away from him.

Avoid avoid avoid and fantasize in your head.
I remember having a massive work crush in my 30s. It was excruciating! I don't know for sure but I think it was mutual--there was always tension, iyswim, and I know from other sources that he found me attractive (man chitchat about new woman in the office!) but he was not inappropriate. He was married with 3 kids, I was single. I avoided like the plague and barely spoke to this person unless it was for work or a 'hi' when passing in the kitchen. Never chitchatted. I admired him from a far but I'd silently agree with my female colleagues who would drool over him also (he was physically attractive but had a lovely personality/manner).
I sympathise, OP. It must be horrible living next door to someone you're infatuated (for lack of better term) with.

Don't think op is coming back...........

Tell your husband. Tell him you're worried about the bond you both have as there's someone who likes you and you liked it, so could you both spend some quality time with each other because it doesn't feel right to like attention from another man Then focus on your marriage, cut this bloke off dead. There's absolutely no reason why you need to see him at all.

I suspect the lack of sympathy for her grand passion has something to do with it...

As always, lots of unhelpful and judgemental comments. These feelings are quite natural, as is the guilt you are feeling. It would be pretty disastrous if anything happened - but you know that. So no advice - no one has solved this problem - but sympathy.

She's been recognised...

The MN's neighbours were all waiting for the guy at no 62 to take the dog out at 10 last night shortly followed by her sprinting out of no 60, hot on his heels with a reluctant dog.

I had similar feelings for a male client many decades ago. The attraction was very strong and I have no doubt that if we had both been single we would have been in bed together very quickly. But we didn't because I was married and I'm not a cheater. Once he realised I wasn't going to be an easy shag he backed off and no doubt found someone else to cheat on his wife with. Unsurprisingly she became his ex-wife soon after and there was another one after that. I am still with my husband and still have some self respect.