Sick of DH touching me whenever he feels like it

[PinkPiranha11]

I’ve seen a few threads like this before on MN so I don’t think I’m alone but would appreciate your thoughts…. So in bed this morning DH this morning started touching my leg through my pyjamas and then starting rubbing my crotch. I’m on my period, which he knows, and he knows sex wouldn’t be on the agenda for me when I’m on my period. The kids had just vacated our bedroom (having popped in for a chat after they woke up), and I’m reading a news article on my phone in bed fully clothed in pyjamas . It was very clear that this wasn’t a “sex” situation.

I removed his hand and said “not now” and two minutes later he starts again. Now I’m pissed off and I say “It really pisses me off when you touch me whenever you like, you can’t just put your hands on my vagina whenever you want.” (I’m a fairly direct sort of person!)

He then huffs about it, saying he’d love it if I just grabbed his bits whenever I liked. I repeat that this situation is not about him, it’s about me. I can see from his face he literally doesn’t get it, can’t empathise etc. He says “I’m not a rapist”, rolls over and goes back to sleep. He’s been huffy ever since. WTF!?!

He has form for this kind of thing and it’s a discussion we’ve had before when he’ll just stroke my boob if I’m wearing a scoop neck top (only in private I add!) or grab my bum when I’m unloading the dishwasher.

It really offends me and massively makes me not want to have sex with him ever again. Things are pretty ropey from my point of view in our marriage right now - no abuse or anything like that -just lack of interest from me, feeling a bit stuck and sick of being his facilitator in general. I’m kind of staying for the kids right now and the security but I’m committed to not leaving the marriage at the moment.

Any advice? I don’t feel I can’t ask anyone IRL about this, all my friends seem to have perfect relationships.

I don't see it as loving - instead it means I want a shag (and probably anyone would do)
But could you go to relate or a marriage counsellor.
Especially if you carry the mental load for the household - your brain is probably juggling several things and to expect you to switch it to strong sexual feelings is not really possible - or only occasionally.

He's a big boy, he can tell her he wants a shag without sexually assaulting her when she's explicitly said she doesn't like the way he touches her uninvited and unexpectedly with no warning. And continues to do so after she says no.

I don't think counselling is recommended in abusive relationships and I think one where one partner is sexually assaulting the other qualifies as an abusive relationship, without question.

It scares me how many women don't see this behaviour as a deal breaker. If their daughters come to them in future and say "Dave keeps touching my tits, arse and vagina uninvited even though I've told him I don't like him doing it. And sometimes he keeps doing it when I've told him to stop a few seconds earlier" would they really reply "he just really fancies you and wants sex, it isn't abusive"?!

What utter garbage. I would be furious if a man I was with repeatedly grabbed my crotch and breasts after I told him to stop. Its crude, rapey and horrible. She clearly doesn't want it, has told him so and he isn't listening, it's assault.

That should say - what utter garbage some of the mumsnetters write saying it's OP's fault that she's being assaulted. Where do you people come from?

Where do you people come from?

@Shehasadiamondinthesky I'd say a century ago, but women wouldn't even have thought it was ok then- they'dve expected better treatment.