Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Nice teeth is a massive plus 🦷 says she who just cracked a tooth 🦷

Aaah this is warming up nicely @ButterflyOfShay 🦋 kind of the same pace as a Jane Austen 🥰♥️🥰 in a good way

Hi @Mila14 thanks for asking, all is well with my hottie. It's not obvious managing it all and I have broken things off with him twice but we seem to got through the drama 🎭 llama 🦙phase and the tricky discoveries around each other and we're in a good place atm. I've probably jinxed it now 🤪

Go @ButterflyOfShay 👏👏👏 the hard part has been done - you've opened up the door to chat each time you see him now 😁

I've opened up tinder again and given myself rsi in my thumb fro. Swiping left 😄 I have only swiped right on 3 men and now run out of people to swipe 🤷‍♀️😄

This is a tricky one. For some people, not being constantly in touch at the beginning might be normal for some people as they're used to their own company. It's not great that it's making you feel anxious though so I would definitely not put all my eggs 🥚 in one basket 🧺

Thanks for new thread @ButterflyOfShay and exciting developments on the Turk front 😁
I don’t post much as not actively dating but love reading the updates from everyone.

Update from me is Mr L and I are still loved up - 10 months today since our first date😊and we have not had a cross word and he has not once annoyed me! I think this is a miracle in itself because I’m easily annoyed😂 I put this down to his laid back personality and the fact we are long distance and only see each other EOW!
We had a lovely weekend away last week that I organised for his birthday and he was so appreciative and enjoyed everything. Sunday morning I woke up to a bit of a panicked call from my daughter that she had messed up and was very upset which of course got me worried and then my ex was an arse to me on text which made me cry and Mr L couldn’t have been nicer or more supportive- he had never seen that side of me before and I thought it might scare him off but he said he wants to be a supportive partner to me through everything and wasn’t put off at all🥰 I’m so happy the Tinder Gods were on my side 😊

BelladiMamma he has been in his own a long time and spends a lot of time alone. I’ve also been single for 5 years and I don’t want someone texting all the time and am happy just meeting up once a week. He just sends out mixed messages which confuses me. He talks non stop when I’m with him, makes plans to take me places but isn’t very affectionate and when I’m not with him he rarely messages. I agree in need to not put all my eggs in one basket.

ButterflyOfShay
my days
you spoke 😂
it’s so nice it’s finally moving

I’m a London girl (woman !) born and bred too - so used to anonymity
but I like what you depict

@Lovemusic33 have you not heard a peep from him since you came away last Thursday? Does he have kids, if he does maybe he had them this weekend? Did he mention any more plans to meet up last time you saw him or is it all just been left?

@Thisisworsethananticpated I used to love the anonymity too but as ive got older i seek connections and roots, definitely found my place here

Thanks @BelladiMamma @MayEye and @Slothmomma 🤍🤍

Bella sorry to hear about your tooth! But glad its going well still with your guy!! 💘

Ahh - I did the same - moved from central London after 20+ years to a tiny weeny town on the coast... I think I need to get out more locally!

That is lovely to hear @MayEye and so nice to hear of a success even when time is limited together... it just goes to show, if you're both into each other and committed to make the time for each other, it can be totally fine to see each other just once a fortnight. Great to hear he was supportive during a tough day too... that's what it's all about. So nice not to feel as though you have to be performatively in a great mood with him.

Since the start of pandemic and wfh every day I went out into the high street seeking human proximity every lunchbreak and often after work too. Its all stemmed from that really 💗

@ibelieveinmirrorballs reply to 🙂
I well recommend doing that to anyone who’s looking to meet people irl!

@ButterflyOfShay I'm reaaaaally excited for you!!!

Like you I moved out about 4 years ago... for the first two years was dashing to and from London the whole time so never focused that much on putting down roots other than parents from the DC's school, many of whom lived a way away as kids travelled from quite a distance. Cue Covid - wfh a lot more - I've really got into living by the sea in some ways (running, swimming, etc) but don't feel as connected as I could be now. Life always feels so hectic but I definitely need to 'settle' a bit more where I live. Building work now finished - can hardly believe it - but you saying that is exactly what I need to do in my locality rather than feel chained to my home office all hours of the day [😫😑

Shay I'm so impressed with your work! You just stopped and actually TALKED TO MR TURK! I'm so invested in this and it couldn't be more romcom if Richard Curtis had written it.

Loving the positive update Mayeye - just goes to show that if it's right, there's no drama, no stress, it just flows.

Hi bella 👋!

Hi all - just joining as currently online dating myself. Currently preparing for a third date after second went well (unexpectedly ended up staying over!)

We’ve kept each other’s OLD profiles live for now, as it’s still early days - however she made a point of letting me know she’s not currently seeing anyone else, nor using the apps to look for anyone or respond to anyone, whilst she sees how we go. I’ve agreed to do likewise.

However… since saying this my OLD account has pinged me to let me know she’s modified her profile. I wouldn’t actually be fussed if she was actually still considering others, given it’s only been two dates - but if she is still using the dating app (why would she modify her profile otherwise?) I’d rather she was transparent about this, or at least not make a point of telling me she isn’t and then adding that communication is important and she will always tell me the unvarnished truth. That’s a bigger red flag for me.

Any advice? I don’t want to overreact - anyone just gone in and tinkered with their profile when they’ve not actually been looking? Want to keep a sense of perspective but I’ve been out of the dating game for years!

ButterflyOfShay he has one adult child, he does often work weekends so I never really have contact with him at weekends. He always makes plans for things to do together (when I’m with him) but never really arranged dates until last minute. I’m pretty sure he has some MH issues, he found lockdown really hard being in his own, he does say he gets lonely but he doesn’t really put any effort into going out and meeting people. I don’t think he has a huge friendship circle so spends a lot of time on his own.

Welcome to the thread! I admit I would not like it either if I got pinged to let me know the profile had been updated (which app does that?) but I also think at this early stage not much good can come of digging into it too much - although as you have now, I presume, been physical with each other there is an element of wanting to know if either of you are doing that with more than one partner. In honesty I would not be updating my profile if I was madly into someone even at an early stage - however, I tend to overly focus on one person and lots of sensible advice suggests NOT to do this...

Thanks lovey!! How’s it going with Mr Blue the master baker?? 😘😘

Thanks lovely! Now i guess if we chat more over time ill get a sense of what the personality is like and that will sway how much i do or dont like him.
Waited a loooooong time for this day 😅

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Cheers!

It’s a specialist dating site for Arts lovers, so not one of the “big” apps. To be fair I’m not even sure what’s been modified (I’m not obsessed enough to go through it with a fine tooth comb!) just that a notification was sent my way.

Yes, we DTD. Convo kind of followed from that. She was the one who raised that she was only focused on me and whilst her profile was public as a failsafe (in case I decided I didn’t like her once I got to know her better) she wasn’t going to use it or look for anyone else in the meantime. I agreed I was in a similar state of mind. Then she added the bit about communication being important and that she needed me to always trust she was telling things as they are - that she wouldn’t flinch at telling me something I might find unpalatable, so I could always count on it being the truth (of course, I agreed!)

If she hadn’t put such emphasis on it, I probably wouldn’t be so fussed. It’s more the fact she did, that niggles me. I can handle casual relationships. Not so much potential gaslighting.

@ButterfliesAWOL People who go on about being trustworthy or nice or insert other word generally aren't.

Most people don't need to state that they're trustworthy/nice because it's just a given.
Making a big deal of it is weird....

This is such a beautiful post. It’s absolutely wonderful and we appreciate good stories like this. Even if you are happy and loved up it’s really nice to hear your point of view. 😍

Lack of affection isn't a lot of fun for you? Dating is all about affection. Maybe check in with him when you do next speak to him / see each other and see if this is more of a friendship thing? Could be that he's lonely and would like a relationship so is hanging in there for the sake of it. Could be busy. Could be depressed and shuts himself off when you're not together. Tbh could be anything but it's not sounding like it's worth too much of your energy. If you like each other and want the same thing, you'll rarely feel confused ...

If you like each other and want the same thing, you'll rarely feel confused ...
I think this key. It should not be so difficult if we are on the same page. Affection should just become natural unless our iron has extreme stress at work and any family issue. Those things are key