Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

The issue is some people's understanding of hygiene is truly shocking, they seem content to be dirty and not wash up before bed, especially after using public transport.

@Redwinemaestro , it's not "understanding of hygiene", but a different preference from yours. Unless you're aware of health consequences arising from not showering before bed after using public transport? Because I'm a researcher with qualifications in public health, and I'm not aware of any. Interested to hear if you have any evidence otherwise though!

I am the same "for me" if I go into a city london tube etc when I get home I feel icky and need to shower BUT I wouldn't dream of asking my partner to do the same. I may comment i. Geberal like "I feel ao icky after being in the city with all that pollution" ' when wash and blow my nose out lots of vlack stuff comes out 😰sooooo he is right. Buuuut wouldn't tell my spouce that.
P.s I moved into my DH house now our hpuse. But he has never controlled anything I do or say "this is what I do so you must do it".

Depends how weird and abrasive he was about it I suppose but I don't think it was an unreasonable thing to want you to do.

Just seen your earlier post @Redwinemaestro - very interesting links discussing relevant research. OK, I take it back! No direct evidence of harm has been found from inhaling London Underground air, but there is a plausible rationale for harm as it contains high levels of small particulate pollution. I'd be more worried about my lungs than the smaller amount that might sit on the skin, but still worth washing off.

Thank you for the links!

The OP was ready for bed (so I assume it was late, and she was very tired, especially after a day in London). Her boyfriend demanded that she wash her long thick hair (which would then need blow drying) and then refused to allow her in his bed when she said she'd rather not spend the next hour washing and drying the hair that she'd only washed that morning. And you think that's reasonable?

Are you sure you didn't smell? I had to do this with a friend once...

The OP was ready for bed (so I assume it was late, and she was very tired, especially after a day in London). Her boyfriend demanded that she wash her long thick hair (which would then need blow drying) and then refused to allow her in his bed when she said she'd rather not spend the next hour washing and drying the hair that she'd only washed that morning. And you think that's reasonable?

No, I specifically didn't say that. I'm getting the impression he WAS unreasonably weird and abrasive about it. I simply said that I don't think wanting her to shower after a long day in the city was an unreasonable way to feel.

I wouldn't have rudely demanded or expected her to do her hair though.

I genuinely wonder how some people think humanity survived before hot water on tap. Cavemen/women, medieval times, the industrial revolution, the second world war, etc . . . . no cock got ever into a bed without being washed in acid, no fanny un-scrubbed by a wire brush, no arsehole rinsed out with vinegar or pubic hair that hadn't been blow-dried or straightened.

Covid has done some weird shit to people. If your partner stinks, tell them. It's hilarious. Get in the shower with them, it's fun.

My fanny would have made the Microsoft shutdown music when he suggested you stay in the spare room. I’d have just gone home. OP is his girlfriend, and so many people think it’s acceptable for him to relegate her to the spare bedroom because she didn’t wash her hair when he wanted her to? She was showered and had clean hair from earlier the same day - she might not have been totally shower fresh by the evening but so what, she was hardly likely to be revoltingly rank and smelly either.

He sounds like a tedious bore.

When I was a kid we had a bath once a week. A flannel wash on the other days. (And yep, uphilll both ways to the outside bathroom 😅)

Did we really all stink back then? And where will this all end? When will four showers a day become the MN minimum?

The comments did not disappoint 😂

All the people boasting about how little they wash...you're aware you probably stink, right? I had this thread in mind during my busy day out and about in London today and came into contact with quite a few people who reeked.

It's hot in London at the moment. It might not be Texas levels of heat, but it's hot enough to get all sweaty just walking around and using the Tube. I couldn't wait to get into the shower when I got home. Nice quick wash with a bar of soap and a flannel, then changed into pyjamas for a cup of tea on the sofa. The thought of just getting into bed covered in dried sweat, grime and dirt is absolutely disgusting.

It's hilarious how many posters live in their white British middle class bubble and mock anyone who doesn't do the same as they do.

It's normal and common in most countries to shower before bed, especially on hot days. I've found Latin Americans often have two showers a day and even three if it's particularly humid and sticky.

It's also completely normal in many places in the world to remove outdoor shoes when entering your, or anyone's home, and it's pretty common to also change into indoor clothes before sitting on a sofa or a bed.

It's not OCD, anxiety or prissiness. It's literally the norm in much of the world. Perhaps some of you need to get out a bit more.

Zzzz.....

@pixie5121
Very well written

In my culture if we'd been out we would change into indoor clothes, and wash our feet before settling down for the evening and certainly shower before bed regardless of when the previous shower had been.

Some people are like this, I call them indoor/outdoor clothes people. In their homes I respect their rules but I would be less likely to visit them in their homes because of it.

do you have to take a change of clothes just for afternoon tea?

Probably why British people are known for questionable hygiene and bad teeth.

Perhaps people obsessed with 'city grime' should spend more time worrying about the state of their lungs than whether it's lingering on their skin.

Probably why British people are known for questionable hygiene and bad teeth.

That's hideous and not a national image to be proud of. But there's truth in it: guaranteed when the sun comes out in the UK, so do the soap-dodgers. There's a shopping centre local to me that's mostly glass and becomes warm in summer. On hot days the stink of human body odour hangs in the air like a miasma, to the point now that between July and September I mostly avoid going there. It's disgusting.

Blokes who wander around shirtless very often stink. I'm unsure why they would think everyone within the vicinity of 50 paces wants to breathe their armpit reek, but if they're the sort who whip out their moobs the minute the sun peeks out, they're unlikely to be susceptible to public disapproval. And it's usually OLD, not fresh, sweat: you can tell from its ingrained quality these skanks haven't washed for days. Ugh.

It's offensive inflicting your stench on others. I'm paranoid about hygiene, shower twice a day, and never go out without wipes and deodorant so I can freshen up on the go. How do they stand themselves? What they do in their own homes is up to them, but as for the stinkers on trains and especially flights, don't even get me started.

Get. a. fucking. bath.

It’s a bit crap. I understand the reasons why he would want it but I think he ought to compromise. Otherwise..what happens in future if you’re unwell or simply exhausted and don’t feel like showering?

NB. that's not an indictment of OP - I also have a hair type that means daily washing would dry it out and be bad for it. The remainder of my body's a different matter altogether.

*It's hilarious how many posters live in their white British middle class bubble and mock anyone who doesn't do the same as they do.

It's normal and common in most countries to shower before bed, especially on hot days. I've found Latin Americans often have two showers a day and even three if it's particularly humid and sticky.

It's also completely normal in many places in the world to remove outdoor shoes when entering your, or anyone's home, and it's pretty common to also change into indoor clothes before sitting on a sofa or a bed.

It's not OCD, anxiety or prissiness. It's literally the norm in much of the world. Perhaps some of you need to get out a bit more.*

I agree. On hot days especially I insist on a shower for my son (and I obviously) before bed. It's not just the dirt from the day, but the sweat and suncream. I remove my shoes indoors as I don't need them for indoors, they've been outside, why would I want to bring that dirt into my home? That's just grim.

Was on the tube yesterday and the smell of stale sweat was everywhere 🤮. I mostly work from home nowadays and notice the smell of other people much more when I have to go into the office.