Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

There is no need whatsoever to shower daily! My child's dermatologist has made that explicitly clear to us on a number of occasions and has attributed a massive rise in skin conditions to people being hyper-paranoid and showering too often, stripping their skin of natural moisture.

I do hope those of you who think it's normal, get some help with that anxiety as it really isn't healthy.

Should he decide that you are clean enough for sex, does he have tissues and a penis beaker handy?

@blugray @Watchkeys

There is no need whatsoever to shower daily! My child's dermatologist has made that explicitly clear to us on a number of occasions and has attributed a massive rise in skin conditions to people being hyper-paranoid and showering too often, stripping their skin of natural moisture.

I do hope those of you who think it's normal, get some help with that anxiety as it really isn't healthy.

What are all the “a day in the filthy city! You must shower” people doing? Do you roll along the pavements? Dry hump the tube seats? Rub yourself against bins like a cat?

This!!! 🤣🤣🤣

No problem with asking you to shower, but in a relationship, it can be done in a kind and diplomatic way i.e making a joke about it or suggesting you both have a shower.

These replies make no sense why are so many people saying not washing body is gross but not washing hair is fine?
Your body is covered and protected from "city grime" but your hair is flying about right at the level of people's coughing germs!

If DP made me shower twice a day, I seriously would really encourage him to go to the gp. It makes me itch imagining it, I would end up so dry.

This

@SlatsandFlaps

There's no need to do lots of things that lots of us do... smoke, drink alcohol, over eat, stay up late, ride horses, watch TV... It doesn't mean we need medical intervention or are obsessed if we do those things.

Most people shower each morning, because otherwise we can smell ourselves. I doubt that your diagnosis of anxiety would be accepted by any mental health professionals. They're mostly showering each morning too.

What's a penis beaker

I don’t think he was asking her to shower twice a day every day though … it was just because of the day in the city and his lovely clean sheets, I thought … I think I’d need to know much more about you both @SilentG1 to make a judgement

@stuntbubbles I actually think many of these types believe that it makes them 'super-trendy' to be in & out of the shower every day!

I always wash in the morning rather than at night, as otherwise I smell from sweating in the night.

If I were to bathe twice a day it'd be bad for my skin.

However it was warm today, was travelling and I had my period, and did have to have another bath in the evening when we got in (and I never do that but I stank lol) And London is always even warmer.

Well done for standing firm about the hair though @SilentG1 . It's not like you can have had 'hair B.O' in a day. Men don't realize how much work some women's hair takes to get how they want it.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1875847-Do-you-dunk-your-penis

It's simply most people's normality, and causes them no issues whatsoever. Why do you need to pathologise this?

No they're really not I can assure you! Any decent, properly trained Doctor or Dermatologist will tell you that too frequently washing causes extremely dry skin conditions and strips your skin of natural oils.
I'm sorry if that's hard for you to come to terms with but it's true.

Yep. Once a day is considered too often for the skin, and especially so if products are used. Twice or three times a day is positively bad for it.

I honestly don't know how we've got to this point. We can't even blame covid it seems. This cleanliness obsession (washing shoulder length hair twice a day because you've been outside?) is really really unhealthy. I pity kids being brought up by parents like that.

@Watchkeys But it isn't though! As the vast majority of replies on here have conclusively shown! 🤣

He is quite highly strung and has done similar things before like asked me to change my clothes before sitting on his sofa after being out and about.

@SilentG1 This does sound a bit obsessive-compulsive.

I would dump him just for being moody I think- and as you've said he's controlling in other ways too.

The replies on a MN thread about showering isn't a cross section of the public. A quick google will tell you from many sources that most people shower or bathe daily. It's not a hard thing to find out.

Thank you @saraclara

I think it's a combination of competitiveness and believing that the more frequent the showers, the more 'clean' you are which is just not how the human body works. Not a fully dressed one, anyway (unless it's around 30 degrees of course!)

@SlatsandFlaps You know some people work physical jobs right? Then there are doctors and nurses who spend hours around infectious people. And there are people with impaired immune systems. You think they are stupid/anxious/super-trendy to shower daily?

He sounds pretty unreasonable & more than a little controlling tbh. Or at least, I wouldn't tolerate a relationship where I had to shower before sitting on the sofa or wash my hair had I been on the tube. If I did the latter I'd have awful, dry hair for a start. I'm not convinced most people (and certainly not those with long hair) wash it daily.

I guess he could be hyper-sensitive or you could be someone who needs to shower more often, but going by the 'walks like a duck' principle, he just sounds a bit of a germaphobe and controlling with it.

Yep. Once a day is considered too often for the skin

I honestly don't know how we've got to this point.

@saraclara Other people can smell me if I don't wash after a night's sleep. There's nothing 'wrong' with me either, just one of those things, I've always had to.

Ask any sane person in real life 🤷🏼‍♀️