Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

Then you're not cleaning thoroughly enough when you do shower!

This is true you won't find one dermatologist that recommends bathing everyday because as stated natural oils and protective bacteria on the skin are also removed with excess washing. Too many people assume they must be clean when in fact over cleaning has the opposite effect to what people seem to think on here, over cleaning directly damages the skins natural defenses and resistances... it unreal what so many on here seem to believe is dirt they must clean away at any cost is actually beneficial in moderation to maintaining a healthy body.

Any decent, properly trained Doctor or Dermatologist will tell you that too frequently washing causes extremely dry skin conditions and strips your skin of natural oils

I agree, @SlatsandFlaps , but many will also tell you that once a day is enough. It's not 'hard for me to come to terms' with what you're saying. You're talking nonsense.

Clearly we don't agree. No need to continue trying to convince each other. I'm sure people will google for themselves and found out what I found out: most people shower daily.

People perspire at night. We also secrete oil at night, as well as during the day.

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches

Thanks

Eeeeewww

I do too (mostly) but I make then very quick compared to most people, so that I don't dry out my skin.
But twice a day or more simply isn't a good idea.

This thread (as a non UKer) confirms to me the saying that poms are soap-dodgers. Where I am, having a shower daily is considered essential. Admittedly it is a sub-tropical/tropical country, however that aside, not showering daily would have you seen as a filthy grot.

@Alb0

Most people in the uk would say the same. This thread isn't a representation of any part of the UK I've ever lived in, and I'm pretty boring and ordinary.

It's not normal behaviour. I'd say he's got some form of OCD. But he's making out you are the problem.

London tube is FILTHY.
If that's what you were on.
I used to work in London and also had long hair, and the grey water that ran off it {Mainly from being on the tube} was gross.
I don't blame him for wanting you not to smell ''Tube~ey''.Sorry.

Edit :Grey water from washing hair, I should say.

I thought everyone showered at least once a day? I've always showered morning and evening. I can't imagine jumping into bed dirty and sweaty? Even if it's not a hygiene issue I would think most people would feel better after a nice hot shower? And I'm sure how my girlfriend would feel about going down on me after a hot sweaty day on the job...

London {Inner parts} is very fume filled and grimy.
The tube is filled with a grotty haze that wafts in draughts as trains go by.
It just IS filthy.
District Line not so bad, but the deep stations are grimy as far as air quality goes.
No longer live there, but when visiting, especially in hot weather, and orange smog is visible over West London coming in from M4.
This sticks to skin and hair.

No such thing as 'low level' controlling behaviour. It's controlling behaviour, period. Doesn't matter if it's as simple as insisting you use a green cup for your tea or as blatant as dictating what you wear. It's the fact that the person feels they have the right to tell you what to do.

I'd be taking a very serious look at him and at your relationship. Often a lot of controlling behaviour slides under the radar and escalates until it's too late and you find yourself beaten down and unable to easily break away.

@Tonka2, lol but totally agree.
My Ex used to come home and have dinner and not even brush his teeth before bed then think it was normal to kiss me, and he wonders why he is my Ex.🫣

I need to know where the "twice a day" lot live and what you do for a living!!

I live in a country town and use my car to get to work and back, I dont get mucky and I dont get sweaty I also dont own a shower so I wash daily and bath every other day.

I understand that living in Central London and using the Tube twice a day would mean you need to shower as soon as you get in. When I stay with friends in Zone 2 I get the black snot within a day and I get that grimy feeling of just being a bit ....smeggy!

Or if you work a very physical job then of course you will work up a sweat.

But if you get up, drive to work in an office and then drive home surely one shower a day at whichever time you prefer is the maximum you need? It kills me that I have seen the same names pop up on threads slagging others off for being enviromentally irresponsible by having more than one child, going on holiday anywhere other than a damp tent in North Wales and eating anything other than Quinoa, and threads saying that they launder every item of clothing after one wear and the whole family showers twice a day!

I have severe OCD which means I always shower after being out and I wouldn’t sit on the bed with ‘outside clothes’. So I sympathise with him and can see where he’s coming from, but it doesn’t make it less controlling. He can’t really dictate when another adult showers and washes their hair. However, as a pp said I think a quick shower with no hair wash would be a nice compromise if would make him feel more comfortable.

Showering twice a day is obsessive compulsive??? I shower twice a day and I promise you I don’t have OCD. If someone showered four and five times a day maybe but twice is hardly obsessive compulsive.

This thread (as a non UKer) confirms to me the saying that poms are soap-dodgers. Where I am, having a shower daily is considered essential. Admittedly it is a sub-tropical/tropical country, however that aside, not showering daily would have you seen as a filthy grot.

Where I live people generally don't discuss how often they shower!!! Honestly, people could be showering twice daily or twice weekly and I very much doubt anyone could tell. Some of you are just obsessive!

I actually would get just as sweaty in the UK, if not more, than Australia, even in winter working in London. In Australia, everywhere has aircon, cars, houses, offices, shops, trains, working in London, nothing was airconditioned. The tubes/trains were just feral.

No shoes indoors and outside clothes should be removed immediately upon returning home.

Bloody hell!! I am in and out all day, should I be getting changed three/four/five times a day? I have never heard any of this nonsense except on MN. Oh, and where I live people - gasp, shock, horror - usually wear shoes indoors.

I actually agree with him and I would never go to bed after being on public transport/in busy public places without washing first. Those places are filthy. My children have a bath every day after school and aren’t allowed on their beds in their school clothes for the same reason.

Over the top much??

This obsession for showering constantly is bizarre.

If he was annoyed you didn’t wash your hair as well and can be controlling about these things has he got a dirt or germ phobia?

I'm definitely not trendy, I'm 63 and very untrendy. I've showered every day of my adult life, twice if it's hot and humid. My skin remains intact and not dry . Pretty sure this is not unusual.