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Original poster

Why are some women happy to do more domestic chores?

206 replies

GenuineInterest · 13/06/2022 13:28

That's it really. I've name changed for this. I'm genuinely interested in why some women are happy to do more domestic chores than their male partners.

OP posts:
TulipCat · 13/06/2022 13:33

I don't really believe in everything being split 50/50 in a marriage. I think it's an inefficient way to operate as a couple. We much prefer to have one of us taking "the lead" with the other helping as required. I work PT so it makes for me to do the bulk of the meal planning and prep, laundry etc as that frees up more family time at the weekend. DH looks after all things to do with the car as I have zero interest in this, as well as insurance, plus he always does the accommodation research when we go away. We prefer it that way, hence I do more domestic stuff plus look after our cleaner.

Wickywickyyow · 13/06/2022 13:36

I'm physically in the house more than him, I also find it easier to be organised about household chores. He does all the food shopping, car maintenance, lawn mowing etc
So maybe ask him why he's happy to do more of those than me?

TulipCat · 13/06/2022 13:38

Wickywickyyow · 13/06/2022 13:36

I'm physically in the house more than him, I also find it easier to be organised about household chores. He does all the food shopping, car maintenance, lawn mowing etc
So maybe ask him why he's happy to do more of those than me?

Oh yes, I forgot about mowing the lawn. I hate that chore and haven't done it for about a decade because DH mercifully enjoys it!

CoastalWave · 13/06/2022 13:40

Because I do it better. Men don't see the jobs that need doing like women do imo.

Leave the men to do the bins, the grass cutting, window cleaning and stuff to do with the car.

I like sorting out the kids bedrooms and doing full sorts out and clear outs. DH wouldn't have a bloody clue.

Vallmo47 · 13/06/2022 13:40

As a couple we work to our strengths, whatever they may be. So should everyone else, I’d never think to ask personally.

CaribouCarafe · 13/06/2022 13:41

It can be more efficient - my husband is crap at cleaning. I can do it faster and better than he can.

He cleans the bins and takes out the recycling more than me though.

I free up time for him to look into investment opportunities (which I find deathly boring). So it balances out.

I just wish he wouldn't leave his stubble all over the bathroom when he shaves though!

tigger1001 · 13/06/2022 13:42

Everyone is different and everyone will split household tasks differently. Communication is the key here. If one partner feels they are doing too much then tell your partner that.

Trulyweird1 · 13/06/2022 13:44

Honestly? I am a control freak. I have a need for things to be clean and tidy so my mind can rest. I burn a lot of energy cranking through domestic chores.

I am not comfortable with a cleaner as a) I would need them 2-3 times a week ( in my eyes) and b) I haven’t met many who don’t skimp.

Totally my problem, but I don’t resent the work and I have plenty time for the rest of my life - work, friends, exercise etc.

JudgeRindersMinder · 13/06/2022 13:44

It’s the trade off for me working part time, works for us

MolliciousIntent · 13/06/2022 13:45

I'm happy to do more of the domestic chores because I WFH and so am actually around more. We've got small children and DH works part time, so every load of laundry I sort or sinkful of dishes I wash is time back that I get to spend with my family. If DH did exactly half, he'd have less time with the kids and with me. He acknowledges that I do more than he does and is grateful. When I'm not around or am busy or just haven't done it, he does it without comment. On weekends and holidays he does the same amount as me, but the majority of the time I do the majority of the housework, because I'm the one in the house.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 13/06/2022 13:45

Because I’m a sahm while DH works full time. Outside of his work hours it’s 50/50.

hamstersarse · 13/06/2022 13:45

I like to create a home, it's a priority for me.

I like to have everyone around the dinner table. I like it to look nice. It brings me pleasure.

I therefore do not mind the effort that is required in domestic jobs to have a family dinner every night. I don't particularly enjoy the actual tasks themselves, such as peeling and chopping food, but the outcome that my family are well fed and we have all 'caught up' every night is worth it.

PashunFroot · 13/06/2022 13:48

I genuinely enjoy cleaning and tidying. And it’s a fair trade off really as my husband is happy to be left with all the shitty crap jobs that I hate.

worriedatthistime · 13/06/2022 13:50

Im probably do more household as dh does more diy and garden as I can't do either and have no desire to learn
Therefore we have a 50/50 split over the course of a year say but different things over the course of a week one may have more go do than the other
Tbf dh Can do all the chores i do which is more than can be said for me , but we are a team and you draw on each others strengths etc

Etinoxaurus · 13/06/2022 13:50

Vallmo47 · 13/06/2022 13:40

As a couple we work to our strengths, whatever they may be. So should everyone else, I’d never think to ask personally.

This. Plus I’m physically at home more than me. I mow the lawn, do bins etc. It’ll be ‘interesting’ to see what happens when we retire.
ATM I’m very happy that I do most, he’s appreciative and it means I get to control what we eat etc.

LaMarschallin · 13/06/2022 13:53

Because I did the same job as my husband so couldn't kid myself that going part time and looking after the house myself wasn't a much, much better bargain and massively easier.

BigFatLiar · 13/06/2022 13:57

We just do what we're good at. I knew what he was like when we married and haven't tried to change him. He enjoys cooking, does laundry and ironing, I do tidying and hoovering etc. When I wasn't around he'd keep the placec OK, not as I would bug ok. Girls would be fed, clean, tidy and well cared for. All in all we support each other and don't keep tally of who does what.

FearlessFreddie · 13/06/2022 14:00

He works much longer hours than me. I think it’s the overall contribution that counts rather than splitting absolutely everything 50:50.

KettrickenSmiled · 13/06/2022 14:02

CaribouCarafe · 13/06/2022 13:41

It can be more efficient - my husband is crap at cleaning. I can do it faster and better than he can.

He cleans the bins and takes out the recycling more than me though.

I free up time for him to look into investment opportunities (which I find deathly boring). So it balances out.

I just wish he wouldn't leave his stubble all over the bathroom when he shaves though!

That's not more efficient for you though is it Caribou?

It is for him: all he had to do was to feign incompetence, & you took over all the drudge work. He won't even clean up his own stubble - as that's obviously a job he is too lazy & disrespectful to tackle himself.

Your H could get faster & better at cleaning if he practiced.
& I seriously doubt he ploughs the hours into his hobby 'looking at investments' that you do into being his maid of all work.

Bancha · 13/06/2022 14:04

I also do more domestic jobs than my DH. At the moment I’m on maternity leave so it makes sense anyway, but in general we tend to split jobs according to what interests us/we are good at. So DH will clear out drains and maintain our appliances, do all the admin around bills and cars and insurance, clean cars, mow the lawn, cook for the family etc. and I will generally do more cleaning, laundry, DC/life admin, organising, sorting etc.

Organising, planning, and folding laundry really neatly makes me feel calm and in control (except for the feeling that I’m never done…!) so I wouldn’t want him to do this as he’d do it ‘wrong’. I like the house really tidy, and he is happier for things to be messier. I want everything put away “like a show home”, as he puts it. It’s taken me some time to realise that this is the way I like things to be, not the way it necessarily should be, and he isn’t unreasonable for being more relaxed. Expecting him to see and do things the way I do when that’s just not his nature isn’t realistic and doesn’t make either of us happy. So, within reason (I am not his skivvy), I am happy to take on more of this aspect of things.

I’m pretty happy with this split as I would hate to do his jobs and he isn’t keen on mine. We also both chip in to help each other as and when. I would say I probably do more overall, but we end up with roughly the same free time so it feels like it works.

I think it’s a fair comment to say that the things which we prefer to do do tend to fall into traditional gender stereotypes, except the cooking, perhaps. But then we live in a patriarchal society and whilst it may be true that mowing the lawn is more of a ‘man’s job’, I still don’t want to mow the lawn…

Yodaisawally · 13/06/2022 14:07

It's the only thing in life my mil gets genuinely excited about. She loves it, talking about hoovers, dishwashers, what's the best duster, laundry powder etc. Bizarre to me but whatever.

pigwood · 13/06/2022 14:11

I like to for a few reasons- one is that he works and I don't, and another is that he doesn't do jobs well enough to pass my quality control!

EWD1913 · 13/06/2022 14:12

Because I work pt and he is ft

NotKevinTurvey · 13/06/2022 14:13

GenuineInterest · 13/06/2022 13:28

That's it really. I've name changed for this. I'm genuinely interested in why some women are happy to do more domestic chores than their male partners.

Maybe the male partner works longer hours, or does a lot of jobs that seem to be forgotten when the split of Labour is being discussed, such maintaining the car and the home, cutting the grass, organising the insurance, taking care of investments etc.

Maybe they just don’t think that the carpets need to be hoovered four times per week, so refuse to do it more than once, meaning the woman who does want it done four times doing it three times as often as he does.

milkmaiden · 13/06/2022 14:15

I'm happy to do all the domestic chores because he pays all the bills. So it's an equal split of labour that means the other can completely forget about that (very big and full-time) responsibility, instead of us both juggling these commitments we focus on one which allows us to then give time to things we enjoy and other important things for our family.