Why are some women happy to do more domestic chores?

[GenuineInterest]

That's it really. I've name changed for this. I'm genuinely interested in why some women are happy to do more domestic chores than their male partners.

Don't be facetious. With many animals that live as a group there a very clearly defined gender roles. Generally with the male being the protector and the female the nurturer.

You've clearly not met many lionesses @SlickShady

Or know much about history & early human lives -
“Ancient remains prove women have been running shit for at least 9000 years.”
www.zarnajoshi.com/blog/hunting-means-power-and-other-patriarchal-nonsense

I'm a single mum so I do it all at the moment. But when I was living with ex, I did it because then at least I knew things were clean.
I never worked out if his eyesight was really that bad or if his definition of clean and mine were poles apart.

I don't mind taking on a bit more as DH's job is genuinely a lot more taxing than mine, he brings home more money and works longer hours. He could still do more than he does, but it's not a massive issue.

He needs more practise then doesn't he? Sorry, but that's a poor excuse. He can learn to get better at domestic chores if he wants to.

Depends entirely of what else happens in the relationship. My DP is a bit older than me and got on the property ladder young, something that I was never able to do. So he pays the mortgage and bills because that’s what he was doing before I moved in, and I pay for all the food and cook dinners. I work from home and he has a physically demanding job so I don’t mind doing more than my fair share of domestic chores because I’m living rent and bill free, enabling me to pay off debts and also save a fuck ton so that if the relationship ends I will still be significantly better off financially than I was before I moved in with him.

We really do give a free pass to crap men, don’t we?

• He’s not good enough at it
• Oh he does the bins (twice a week) and the lawn mowing (once a week for 4 months of the year)
• He does the car paperwork (looks for a new insurance deal once a year)
• I’m very particular and he can’t meet my standards.

I think we’re insulting men when we are dismissive and infantilising them like this. They are not incapable puppies. They’re more than capable of doing the things they want to do. Conversely, they’ve managed to train us to take on the mental (and physical) load through strategic incompetence. My ex headed up a large university department. He has a PhD. He is not some passive dribblehole. If he treated work the way he tried to treat me at home he’d have got the sack. They are ALL perfectly capable.

@KettrickenSmiled

Actually male lions are the protectors of the pride while female lions get the food. Not so much different to the human role of cooking.

I say some version of this on MN at LEAST once a week: nagging is simply a word invented by men to guilt trip women into not expecting them to step up to their responsibilities.

WTAF is your DH playing at? Who earns more is, in my opinion, irrelevant. What's relevant is who is doing the most hours. And if you are both working full time but you are doing everything at home, then he is 100% taking the piss.

Please don't blame "communication". Because it sounds like you've told him how you feel and he's dismissed it as "nagging". Tell him exactly why this isn't fair and what you expect. It may well cause some serious arguments (it did around here), but if he's a halfway decent man, he'll get it.

I don't want to believe that's true of most people.

Even if it were (and I had an ex who thought housework was woman's work and tried to use this in an argument) I couldn't give a flying fuck what some stupid sexist thinks.

He said you could work?! That was kind of him, wasn't it? Unbelievable.

I am at home more so do most of the chores. Dh works full time, but he goes the morning school run, the shopping, tidies up after dinner and puts on the dishwasher every evening, and cooks 2 or 3 nights a week. He also does the bins and car stuff, and oh yes he irons his own shirts. I do everything else for our family of six, that balance works for us. Even if dh worked away or did a lot of overtime I would still expect him to contribute.

My conclusion is that the lack of good communication is the issue.

I never buy this as a cause of relationship problems tbh. I think 'communication problems' is code for 'He doesn't listen because he has no desire or intention to share the load'.

I work 7.5 hours a week and he works 50

Maybe societies settled into various gender roles because on the whole men were better and more comfortable doing 'men things' and women doing 'women things'.

Maybe. But maybe @SlickShady men on the whole have more economic power than women, so are in a position to snaffle the good jobs for themselves.

I made sure I had that power in my life. I'm pleased with my choices. It's not about men or women but what you are content with.

Odd that you chose the word "get" there when in reality what they do is hunt for food which we're told is the mans job in "cave man" times

I've been very part time for years, so have done most of the housework. I don't enjoy it, but given dh's workload compared with mine it was absolutely fair. I go back to work full time in September. We will be getting a cleaner once a week, and dh straight away fully recognised that we will need to share the rest between us.

I was quoting another poster who said that btw :p

I do it because it's easy to do while listening to a podcast. I'd rather clean the bathroom than schlep round Tescos or get a tyre changed or do a tip run like DH prefers.

I agree with you but most of the replies prove your sarcastically made point. Comment after comment of women who are 'just more organised' and men who 'just don't see certain things'.

Apologies @AryaStarkWolf I should have gone back and used their quote on its own x

It's fine, I just didn't want anyone to think my DH is the Boss of me :p

MIL once suggested it was sad that SIL didn't make more effort to ensure there was a nice meal on the table for BIL every night because, "I know you'll disagree because you're a feminist but I think it's nice for a woman to look after her man." To which I pointed out that this sort of traditional role should go both ways and why did she not have an issue with the fact that BIL didn't "look after" his woman? He worked fewer hours, for less pay than SIL, and had never done a "dirty/boy's" job in his life.

Sigh.

Perfectly summed up

I haven't read the thread but is the consensus that it is women's fault men dont clean?

My take is many men dont grow up with father's modelling good household management so therefore dont have it on their radar as something they need to do. Its not necesarli they think their spouse should do it. It just isnt in their head as part of being a succesful man.

I haven't got a partner but there has become a natural share of the load with my adult daughter based on what we enjoy or are better at. She's good at cleaning and tidying, DIY for example so tends to pick up the bulk of that. I tend to do garden and food shopping/cooking. Think most couples evolve a split that works for them unless one partner is genuinely lazy.