Why are some women happy to do more domestic chores?

[GenuineInterest]

That's it really. I've name changed for this. I'm genuinely interested in why some women are happy to do more domestic chores than their male partners.

[GenuineInterest]

@AryaStarkWolf I can't stop cos he probably wouldn't care or notice and therefore it would just be hurting me.
He actually seems to have improved slightly in the last couple of weeks but it's too little to late. I hate it. I am genuinely intrigued why other women seem to accept it (not talking about the women who are part-time/don't work). I don't understand why they see this as ok

[AryaStarkWolf]

@GenuineInterest

@AryaStarkWolf I can't stop cos he probably wouldn't care or notice and therefore it would just be hurting me.
He actually seems to have improved slightly in the last couple of weeks but it's too little to late. I hate it. I am genuinely intrigued why other women seem to accept it (not talking about the women who are part-time/don't work). I don't understand why they see this as ok

So where does that leave you now?

I really don't think I could stay with someone who was happy to treat me that way

[GenuineInterest]

@AryaStarkWolf I'm struggling with it and will have to separate. I just need the courage to do it.

[5128gap]

Because I don't want to put the bins out, put petrol in the car, maintain the car and mend it when it breaks. I don't even want to drive it tbh, so that rules out non walking distance errands too.
I don't want to decorate, put up shelves, change light bulbs, plugs, mow the lawn, mend the fence, unblock the sink, take out dead birds the cat brings in, dig the garden or carry anything heavy or dirty.
I particularly don't want to go out to pick up takeaways, pop to the shop in the evenings, take the dog out when it rains or assemble anything from IKEA.
I don't want to do a 12 hour day on a building site then come back home and start again on our kitchen extension.
So I cook the tea, clean and hoover round now and again, and put a wash on when I'm WFH, and it works for me.🙂

[DogsAndGin]

Because he works much longer hours than me so I have more time at home to get things done. He also does all the manual stuff like DIY, car issues, heavy gardening, drains etc.

Also, I’m good at it and I can clean and cook in a fraction of the time and money it takes him, so I can get it done before he’s home and then we’ve got the rest of the evening to ourselves. I wouldn’t want our free time together to be spent watching and waiting for him to clean - what a waste of time!

[Sweetandsaltycaroline]

I do virtually all more domestic chores but I'm not happy about it! 🤣🤣 But if I waited for DH to a) notice what needed doing or b) actually do it, it would be absolute chaos
I do occassionally mow the lawn but I generally concentrate on chores inside because we spend more time indoors and DH notices more gardening chores

[Hoolahulahoop]

I used to feel like you when I first married dh. He just presumed I would do everything and I did. Now it's fairer. I don't iron his shirts anymore. He does the bin. The lawns. He usually puts DC to bed as I've cooked (now I batch cook so often less mess and I take something out if the freezer)

[Orangello]

I totally get you, some previous posters. I mean I also shop and plan and cook several times per day and clean up afterwards and do laundry several times per week and cook and clean constantly and and and. But I remember 5 years ago he put a Kallax together, so that's all fair and equal in my book.

[GenuineInterest]

@Orangello

I totally get you, some previous posters. I mean I also shop and plan and cook several times per day and clean up afterwards and do laundry several times per week and cook and clean constantly and and and. But I remember 5 years ago he put a Kallax together, so that's all fair and equal in my book.

[Raow]

I’m very lucky. Mine does the bins, garden, walks the dog 90% of the time, cooks tea 80% of time, puts the washing on and hangs it out in the morning, usually empties the dishwasher, sorts DC out for school and sorts all the finances! We both work FT and he earns more than me.

[RJnomore1]

What’s that lucky as opposed to functional?

[BigFatLiar]

@Raow

I’m very lucky. Mine does the bins, garden, walks the dog 90% of the time, cooks tea 80% of time, puts the washing on and hangs it out in the morning, usually empties the dishwasher, sorts DC out for school and sorts all the finances! We both work FT and he earns more than me.

I suppose there is an element of luck in that people do change. Neither partner can be 100% sue of what their partner will turn out like in the long term.

All I'd say is that you made a good choice (as did I), many on here did not

[BakewellGin1]

I work a 37 hour week in a responsible job close ish to home whilst DH works approx 50 hours and is out of the country a lot so physically cannot. He earns 3x my wage so pays more of the bills.

Therefore I take on all household jobs, childcare, appointments, general sorting of shit people like to call 'life admin'.

When home he does plenty with DC and helps a bit but generally I do it anyway as it's my routine and I know what's what. Easier this way and just how it works for us.

[DoItAfraid]

@Raow

if your DH does all that then what do you do? Not being goady just a genuine question because your set up seems a bit unfair on him.

[AryaStarkWolf]

@Raow

I’m very lucky. Mine does the bins, garden, walks the dog 90% of the time, cooks tea 80% of time, puts the washing on and hangs it out in the morning, usually empties the dishwasher, sorts DC out for school and sorts all the finances! We both work FT and he earns more than me.

It isn't "luck" you chose to be with a man who treats you as an equal and your home as something you both need to maintain. Would you have stayed with him if he did nothing around the house?

[Brendabigbaps]

he does the ironing, I hate ironing, I’d rather do everything else and not have to iron. Simple really

[AryaStarkWolf]

@Brendabigbaps

he does the ironing, I hate ironing, I’d rather do everything else and not have to iron. Simple really

I never understand why people put so much pressure on themselves to do stacks of ironing, I don't think I've ironed a single piece of clothing in years. DH irons his shirts, that's about the full extent of ironing that ever gets done in our house

[Thefroglover]

My DH does nothing in the house in terms of cleaning, tidying, sorting, arranging things or any planning. I do it all and have now accepted that this is the way. If I ask him to do something, it never gets done and results in resentment from me. I want the showroom type house, I want the spotlessly clean house, so I do it all and ask nothing of him. He has special needs (undiagnosed) and just the sheer ask of anything of him is more than he can cope with. He can barely cope with wiping his own arse. He is lazy and would live like a slob if it wasn't for me

[Thefroglover]

@Sweetandsaltycaroline

I do virtually all more domestic chores but I'm not happy about it! 🤣🤣 But if I waited for DH to a) notice what needed doing or b) actually do it, it would be absolute chaos
I do occassionally mow the lawn but I generally concentrate on chores inside because we spend more time indoors and DH notices more gardening chores

///\ THIS

[Ouchmytoe100]

We are a team. We have different strengths. Splitting everything 50/50 out of principal makes no sense. It's better that he does what he's good at, and I do what I'm good at!

He does do chores in the sense of cooking and dog walking, but i definitely do the majority of the cleaning because I'm just better at it than him! If he did it I'd have to stop myself from just walking around after him redoing it 😂

He's good at stuff I'm not good at so je can do the vast majority of those things.

[icelolly12]

Agree that not every task needs to be split 50/50 and calculating it would lead to resentment...however I am quite bemused that there are some women who are doing all domestic chores and think that 'researching investments' (lets face it quite a nice hobby for those interested) or 'car maintenance' is a genuine 50/50 split. Sorry but what is car maintenance other than a yearly MOT and driving it to the car wash/valet? Plus topping up the air/oil every few weeks which takes 5 minutes maximum. This is not equal to multiple grinding hours a day of chores!!!

[icelolly12]

I'm thinking that because many women have never done 'car maintenance' they don't realise how easy it is with modern cars, and that if there's an issue you simply drive it to the local garage and pick it up again... I'm wondering if on the flip side these men don't realise how time consuming housework is, if they don't do it.

[icelolly12]

@TulipCat

I don't really believe in everything being split 50/50 in a marriage. I think it's an inefficient way to operate as a couple. We much prefer to have one of us taking "the lead" with the other helping as required. I work PT so it makes for me to do the bulk of the meal planning and prep, laundry etc as that frees up more family time at the weekend. DH looks after all things to do with the car as I have zero interest in this, as well as insurance, plus he always does the accommodation research when we go away. We prefer it that way, hence I do more domestic stuff plus look after our cleaner.

So he does accommodation research which takes a few hours and is quite fun, and car maintenance which is...driving it to a garage once a year, car wash and putting air in tyres. All of this is less than 35 hours a year and none of it is taxing as the mechanics do the actual work on the car. Compare that to three hours of domestic drudgery a day (and I'm sure you probably do far more) which is over 1000 hours a year. Hardly equal. Not to mention the emotional load which women take on.

Can't believe women seem grateful for their husbands doing a few hours a year of online research and a bot of pootling around in their car, they really do have us conned don't they 😂

[BigFatLiar]

I'm surprised that people do 3 hours domestic drudgery a day.

[icelolly12]

@BigFatLiar

I'm surprised that people do 3 hours domestic drudgery a day.

Really? Food shopping, meal prep, cooking, laundry, housework, bill paying, life admin, school runs, childcare etc etc etc