Why are some women happy to do more domestic chores?

[GenuineInterest]

That's it really. I've name changed for this. I'm genuinely interested in why some women are happy to do more domestic chores than their male partners.

I'm not happy to do more domestic chores. I think that home stuff should be split, taking into account hours worked outside the home etc. We have reached a good balance now, but it took years and endless arguments to get to this point. I suspect for many women it is jus easier to do themselves than to have the endless arguments. Also, notwithstanding the endless arguments, DH is a reasonable person who would listen during these arguments and who has slowly but surely come to accept that he needed to step up more.

Also, it has to be said, we went back to a cleaner and I feel now like I'd cancel everything else before that because while she only comes fortnightly, that's a significant amount that previously was still mostly being done by me. Which bred endless resentment on my part.

Maybe they just don’t think that the carpets need to be hoovered four times per week, so refuse to do it more than once, meaning the woman who does want it done four times doing it three times as often as he does.

This kind of comment annoys me. Because n real life, the so-called controlling woman isn't wanting it done 4x a week. She just wants him to get the vacuum out more often than once every 6 months.

Not going to be liked but it seems very innate to me as a woman. Love looking after my home.

I'm married and hubby said I could work but I didn't want to I want to take care of my home and family. I worked as a senior in the medical profession. And to be honest hated work! I work at home and love it. I look after DS and love it I feel so fulfilled taking care of my home being comfortable and never stressed as with work.
P.s I worked since the age of 16 - paid my way through University and never took money from others always been self sufficient and stopped working after 18 years.

My husband works loads he works in the home to. Super hands on with our son even in the newborn phase. Helps with chores too. And he is the mam to fix things around the house our cars, DIYs etc. So we have equality as we both contribute to the household upkeep.

I'm happy to do most of the domestic stuff as I work part time and at home, whereas DH runs his own business and works very long hours. He appreciates that this frees up his time so he can concentrate on the business.

I also don't find it difficult to keep it reasonably clean and tidy - we don't have small children anymore though so that helps.

Agree with @Vallmo47

Whatever needs doing, gets done by someone. I am shit at mowing the lawns or unblocking toilets or cleaning windows so I don't do it. I'm happy to do the washing (just can't get my head around why people get so upset about this), and hoovering, the grocery shop etc. We both work the same amount of time, I earn slightly more but all of that is irreverent in my opinion. I just can't get worked up over the division of chores.

Because I have higher standards than he does and care about keeping on top of dust and dirty floors whereas he’d just let it get really bad then blitz it.

Because I work fewer hours than he does

Because he does all of the diy, gardening, car stuff, insurance stuff etc and I don’t even have to think about any of that beyond saying ‘there’s a nail in my tyre’ which he then fixes.

I do sometimes get annoyed like if I’m going out but still have to sort dinner for everyone, or if people make a mess and leave it for me to clear up, or when his diy creates a load of extra cleaning but overall I’m pretty happy with how we work.

I would also add not sure why people don't discuss this prior to marriage / serious relationship - prevention is better then cure.

It’s a mix of:

• Splitting housework so we have equal free/ leisure time. I work slightly fewer hours so have more time at home.


• Working to strengths: DH does DIY and gardening as he’s better at those. He’s better at ironing so I do all the laundry while he does the ironing.


• Some things are more important to me (tidiness, how often we need to Hoover) so I take responsibility for those. So DH would leave stuff lying around for longer than I would, but always tidies up his stuff when I ask.

Daily stuff (cooking/ washing up/ school runs, bath & bedtime) are split equally, but I probably do more day-to-day housework while he does DIY/ gardening/ other messy jobs on a less frequent basis.

I'm particular about how things look, so I just do it myself. I don't mind at all. Similarly, I do most of the cooking but that's because I love cooking (and hate washing up).

I dislike painting, mowing the lawn, trimming hedges, emptying the dishwasher and ironing, all of which DH takes on.

My parents had a very traditional marriage, my mother had to give up work when she got married (the norm in the '50s) and never got the chance to WOH thereafter.

This influenced me to do well in exams, get to university (as father did & mother didn't) to get the sort of job where I don't get landed with the chores.

DH ran his own household for ten years. He is elderly now and not just so well. Now I do do more than he does, but I don't mind because he pulled his weight while he could.

We don't have DC together and can afford to outsource anything.

This is the life I wanted for myself. Like many men, I'm not great with domestic burdens and happy to leave it to someone else.

This changed for any of my friends who found once they had DC they just found themselves 'doing whatever needed to be done '. This isn't some great mystical skill women have, it's only when your focus is on the domestic that you feel it's your job.

Because he works longer hours

We just split things according to personal choice and ability (I'd much rather do the laundry than use the heavy hedge trimmer, eg and my husband feels the same about certain things). He's an engineer so he's better at servicing the mowers and I tend to be better and more imaginative with the cooking. But we both spend a similar time on things and lots we do together, such as general gardening and cleaning every day.

Where on Earth did you pull “controlling” from? No-one’s mentioned that on here.

You seem quite annoyed that other people have different preferences to you around how the jobs are split.

I'm married and hubby said I could work
Aaaaaw isn't your hubby a generous free spirit @MixedCouple - & so enlightened!

it seems very innate to me as a woman.
This seems very strange to me, as a human.
Do your XX chromosomes mean you understand more about how vacuum cleaners work or something?

It very much depends on a balance of responsibilities.
I do more domestic chores in my house. I work part time and DH full time. He does a lot of other life admin such as insurance, holiday bookings etc
He will step up when needed, if I am ill or away for example.
I don’t feel put upon or hard done by. We a
share the things that need doing to keep our lives on track.

The tone of the post I was commenting on was pretty clear that the person thought that women did more because they expected more/had unrealistic expectations. "Controlling" might be a slightly strong word but yes, I do get irritated at that excuse that "a woman just 'sees' the dirt more" or "women want it done more often" where the implication is that women seem to want it done excessively. Which is not, in my experience, the case.

I work part-time, he works full-time. Makes sense that I do the housework on the two week days I don't work. I enjoy cooking, so don't mind doing this every day.

Because he's shit at them! I end up doing it all again after him anyway!

Sexism

Simply because my DH works long hours and I work 17 hours per week. I have the time and I'm at home more. Admittedly I'm a bit of a control freak too. Even if we both worked the same hours I'd probably still want to be in charge of the cooking and a couple of other things. I just like deciding what we'll eat, I enjoy cooking and I like things done my way.

Because at the end of the day there’s still this engrained belief in many women that the state of the home reflects on them and/or they despite sacrificing their own earning potential to raise children need to make up for that sacrifice by creating a nice house for the man.

there’s also the need to be needed I think. There’s plenty on this thread saying their husband couldn’t possibly manage to maintain a house so they NEED to do it.

Women are definitely judged a lot more on a dirty or messy home. If guests come over and it’s untidy they think “oh gosh, her house is a state” but they don’t think it as much about the husband.

I like this. It’s more or less what we do. I work less hours and have a 5 min commute, DH works longer hours and has a long commute. It makes sense for me to cook dinner when I’m home at 5.30 rather than waiting for him to arrive at 7.30 or 8. He loves cooking, and does all weekend cooking. We also, together with DD, clean the house together at the weekend. I do the laundry because I’m happy to. Everyone irons their own stuff. He mows the lawn, organises the car, and does the bins because he’s happy to. Even though I’m the one who uses the car more. I don’t think either of us do “more” than the other - we do different things, and also share lots of things.

Before dc it was fairly equal. Cooking was 50:50, we had a cleaner and both worked full time so the house was fairly clean and whoever was most desperate for clothes did the washing. Nicely slobbing along together.

I'm sahp now, I learned to cook so I cook and he does most of the clean up. I don't care about the grass he does but that's not his "chore" because I consider his grass obsession his own thing- similarly birthday party's, Christmas, decorating presents etc is my obsession so I can't count it as a chore either. (Coordinating wrap and ribbons isn't essential apparently) but I do take on more of the domestic stuff because he works full time and I'd rather his household contribution (beyond financial) be focused towards the kids so they have as much time with him as possible. They're fairly small now so that will probably change as they get older.

Several reasons:
-I WFH so it's easy for me to put a load of washing on and deal with it throughout the day.
-I'm on the computer all day for work so easy for me to pay bills etc
-I'm more organized
My DF works long hours in a physical job, he earns more money so that's what he contributes. I handle most of the house related stuff, that's my contribution.