Why are some women happy to do more domestic chores?

[GenuineInterest]

That's it really. I've name changed for this. I'm genuinely interested in why some women are happy to do more domestic chores than their male partners.

SOCIALISATION

People have already posted many of my thoughts, UWhatNow very well.

Women are judged on their homes in a way men never are. How many men would describe themselves as houseproud?!

Jobs that are traditionally "male" such as mowing the lawn or DIY can be done at leisure anytime where as "female" jobs such as cooking, food shopping and washing are essential.

The structural inequalities of our society mean that women are more likely to work pt or be a sahp and so the cycle continues.

Do you not believe it’s possible for women to genuinely enjoy those roles?

Of course ForestFae, I love cooking and am rather good at it so I do that side of things.

But none of our choices are made in a vacuum and I'm sure if you did a straw poll in any town more than 50% of women would be the one that cleaned the loo. That's not because they love the smell of domestos.

I agree if it’s a case of both work full time but it still all falls to the women. I don’t think more women choosing to be SAHP is necessarily due to sexism though. I know for myself I would have felt heartbroken to leave my kids, I imagine other mums might feel similar.

It gets done quicker and properly (or the way I like it) it's far more effort to explain my way to do it 😜

@ForestFae

Are men not heartbroken to leave their kids?

What is it about having a penis that makes men incapable of working a hoover?

It’s generally based on which sex is able to bugger off leaving the other one with the choice of raising the children or letting them die.

In mammals that’s the male.

Nothing makes men incapable of using a hoover and I’ve never suggested otherwise - in fact I’ve been very vocal about men should be doing their part when they’re in the house.

im sure some are, yes.

Oh they don't have a clue and just mess it up? Have you not heard of weaponised incompetence?

DH 34 years ago made me realize that a large number of chores women are trained to believe are essential (by tradition other women and/or marketing) are "nice to haves" and not essential to the running of a household at all.

Can you give examples of what these unnecessary chores are?

By lack of 'good communication' I actually mean I ask DH to do something and he doesn't do it eg 'Could you bring the bins in?'
Him: yes
Doesn't happen. I mention it again and he makes an excuse or moans because I am nagging

Depends on whether they are lazy gits or are simply not doing it to your standard. This idea of 'weaponised incompetence' (however its phrased) can simply be bullying 'do it my way or else'. (Visions of mumsnetters micro managing their partners, critiquing every move with white cotton gloves to check for dust).

Surely you knew what your partner was like before you married/moved in.

He works and I don’t (but I also have a cleaner coming in 5 days a week because I don’t actually like cleaning). So it means I just sort laundry, washing up, take care of toddler, we both tidy in the evenings and he does breakfast for DD on days he’s at home but mostly I cook.

Tbh having a child definitely changed the balance of things, mainly because one of us is usually keeping an eye on her while the other is doing stuff.

He does other stuff too obviously, takes bins out, empties fridge etc sometimes does the on-line shop. I rarely ask him to do anything because he just gets on with it.

@GenuineInterest

Doesn't happen. I mention it again and he makes an excuse or moans because I am nagging

Yeah, I agree the issue here is not about communication, it's about his refusal to take responsibility for his share of the chores.

It may even be worse, that he may even think that all the household chores are really your job. He sometimes, if he is feeling generous and not too busy, may help you out.

That would be consistent with his current approach.

It gets tangled up in the cord? 😱

@AryaStarkWolf

Is that what is?

I thought maybe it was a lack of oxygen to the brain

Weird how it affects the ability to work hoovers and washing machines but not IT.

😂So odd isn't it?

By lack of 'good communication' I actually mean I ask DH to do something and he doesn't do it eg 'Could you bring the bins in?'
Him: yes
Doesn't happen. I mention it again and he makes an excuse or moans because I am nagging

This is where my point about nagging being invented by men to make women stop expecting them to actually do what they said they'd do applies.

The answer is some variation of:

"This is not nagging. It's me having to remind a grown man to do a task he agreed to do."

Or perhaps

"If you don't do a work task and your boss asks you to please get on with it, do you tell her she's nagging?"

Fuck me! Why exactly do you believe women have to be given permission to work by men? Do you see us as property?

My DH was raised by a SAHM to not lift a finger in looking after himself or the house. I was raised in a dirty and slovenly house by alcoholic parents and not taught how to clean or 'keep' house.

However with time, practise and a steep learning curve I eventually learned how to make my house nice. I do do more of the housework but its not because he can't or won't but because I am certain that my DD will grow up in a clean and tidy home environment and it makes me happy to give her what I didn't have. And potentially I am more aware/focused on it then him.

Actually male lions are the protectors of the pride while female lions get the food. Not so much different to the human role of cooking

Ha! Male lions don’t protect anyone but themselves. They’re just as likely to kill their own cubs as another lions. It’s lionesses that protect. I don’t know why everyone keeps trying to insist men are protectors, they’re not, they’re the danger.

we don’t split every type of task 50:50. We play to our strengths so we can get stuff done more efficiently because we are so exhausted and never get enough done.

he does sewing, life admin, computer stuff, tidying, garden, bins, most of diy.
I do kids stuff, car, bathrooms. Share cooking.

if I want something done more urgently, I just inform him that I will do it myself. Sometimes this kicks him into action (because he is fussy about how it is done). Sometimes I do it myself.

I have high tolerance of mess. I guess Whoever has lower standards tends to do less in that area - and men tend to have lower domestic standards.