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Original poster

Boyfriend cancelled our anniversary meal ...

159 replies

pinkblueoh · 12/06/2022 08:52

It's our three year anniversary next Sunday.
We had the day planned
Out for drinks then a meal on the Sunday night.
I had bought a new outfit and was really looking forward to it.
Now he has turned around and said the next day he is going away with work for an awards evening so wants to spend the Sunday just chilling out.
So he has said we can go for the meal on Thursday instead.
Would you be annoyed ? How he gets this work invite and all of a sudden our plans have to change.

OP posts:
superram · 12/06/2022 08:53

If it’s the same format it probably wouldn’t bother me, does it matter whether it’s Thursday or Sunday? Is it a long way to travel? Does he have to go early?

NicolasSarkozysCumDumpster · 12/06/2022 08:53

Yes I would be too, be honest and don’t pussyfoot

Original poster
pinkblueoh · 12/06/2022 08:55

@superram it's a hour away and they are getting a mini bus
Leaving around 10am

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 12/06/2022 08:55

He should have discussed it with you before just announcing he was changing the plans you agreed on together.. I can understand that he may want a quieter day to chill out and pack etc for a work event the following day but he should have talked to you about it. So yes I would be annoyed with him.

NicolasSarkozysCumDumpster · 12/06/2022 08:55

@pinkblueoh Why does he need a rest for a one hour bus ride? Is he usually this much of a princess

Original poster
pinkblueoh · 12/06/2022 08:56

I think it's because we would Be having a few drinks and he must want to feel fresh.
It's just frustrating as I always feel like I get the short hand of the stick

OP posts:
Glitterspy · 12/06/2022 08:58

Pick your battles. A 3 year anniversary is chump change, don’t sweat it. Just go out on the Thursday, a Sunday night meal will be deathly anyway.

Forestdweller11 · 12/06/2022 09:00

10am start? 1hr bus ride? Unless he has underlying issues that mean he is fatigued if he does 'too much' he's taking the piss. Does he want to see you at all on the Sunday? Even I could manage drinks and dinner in the Sunday and then a meeting on the Monday. Has he has a better offer? Or does drinks and dinner mean he will be totally rat arsed because he's got no self control? Either is bad.

LIZS · 12/06/2022 09:00

He could limit his drinking, does chilling at home also include drinking? Presumably he will still need to eat! Seems a bit flaky and he must have known about this when you made plans.

1VY · 12/06/2022 09:04

So he could have the meal as planned and have one or two drinks, and then come home and have a romantic evening with you.

But instead he would rather postpone it to another night when he can have a heavy drinking session and come home ( presumably )pass out drunk or at least be incapable of sex.

He sounds lovely ! Hmm

Is he usually unable to enjoy himself on a night out without getting really drunk? Or does he have performance problems in bed?

cushioncovers · 12/06/2022 09:05

1VY · 12/06/2022 09:04

So he could have the meal as planned and have one or two drinks, and then come home and have a romantic evening with you.

But instead he would rather postpone it to another night when he can have a heavy drinking session and come home ( presumably )pass out drunk or at least be incapable of sex.

He sounds lovely ! Hmm

Is he usually unable to enjoy himself on a night out without getting really drunk? Or does he have performance problems in bed?

This.

RhiRhi1996 · 12/06/2022 09:06

I think he isn't really putting in effort. If my husband had a plan come up the day before a special day for us, he would still make sure he made the day with me.
This could involve limiting his drinking or not staying super late.
Some may say it isn't a big deal, but for me it does show lack of care for the relationship, that he prioritises other things like that.
Nobody saying he can't go to the event but with a little self control, he could manage both.

layladomino · 12/06/2022 09:46

In some circumstances I've said does it matter if you celebrate on Sunday or Thursday.... I thought you were going to say he has to leave at 5am on Monday in which case I'd say it's reasonable to to expect that could put a downer on your evening so it's fair enough to move it to a day when none of you have such an early start.

however, leaving at 10am? So just make sure you're home for 11pm (presumably you wouldn't expect to be much later on a Sunday night?) and don't drink too much. No reason to cancel your plans.

As PP have said, does he drink to excess and doesn't consider it a proper night out if he isn't drunk? If so, I'd rethink the whole relationship. That's at best very immature and at worst the sign of worse to come.

And if this is part of a bigger picture - ie he regularly drops you for other plans / doesn't prioritise your relationship in any way - then I'd rethink. You deserve better than that.

SuziSecondLaw · 12/06/2022 09:50

Erm, it's your boyfriend, how is it your anniversary? 🤔

ermagerdabear · 12/06/2022 09:51

Wouldn't bother me. I've been married nearly 20 years and I think we've only really celebrated our 10th anniversary. Dates aren't really that important to me though.

I'm also in agreement with him in that I wouldn't want to be to drinking before going to a work thing. If he's offered to do it the week after, does it really matter, unless there are other issues at play? I'm sure lots of people will be here to tell you he's terrible and you should end it though.

SingHallalulah · 12/06/2022 09:53

Who thinks that they are going to get so hammered at an anniversary meal that they won't be fit to go away for work the next day? Confused

ermagerdabear · 12/06/2022 09:59

SingHallalulah · 12/06/2022 09:53

Who thinks that they are going to get so hammered at an anniversary meal that they won't be fit to go away for work the next day? Confused

I don't know how old OP's bf is, but I'm in my 40's and even after having a couple of drinks these days, I'd like a lie in the next day. I very rarely drink to excess, in fact I very rarely drink, but I don't go anywhere near alcohol if I have to be in work the next day.

goldfinchonthelawn · 12/06/2022 10:05

I might feel a bit second best. But I wouldn't celebrate a dating anniversary only a wedding one, so wouldn't be hugely bothered. He;s not cancelled just rearranged the date. You still get to wear the new dress and have dinner out.

Alb0 · 12/06/2022 10:09

Normally I would be upset, but he is only your boyfriend, not your husband. And it's only 3 years, not 5 or 10 years, so not a proper milestone anniversary. If/when he marries you then you can have an actual anniversary dinner, until then he is merely your boyfriend and you are being over the top and unreasonable. It clearly means far more to you than him, men don't get sentimental over these things, especially when you're not even actually married and are really only boyfriend/girlfriend, and having an 'anniversary dinner' for 3 years is batshit imo.

theyetijumpedoverthemoon · 12/06/2022 10:13

SuziSecondLaw · 12/06/2022 09:50

Erm, it's your boyfriend, how is it your anniversary? 🤔

🙄 I'm sure you know lots of people value their dating anniversary, particularly if they aren't married and so don't have a wedding anniversary

RhiRhi1996 · 12/06/2022 10:13

I disagree with others saying its batshit to celebrate dating anniversaries. I think it's maybe an age thing, the younger generations celebrate dating but perhaps older people didn't/ don't.

A lot of people choose not to get married anyway. I think it's still nice to celebrate your relationship. However, being honest, I haven't always in relationships, out of laziness. But if I had went to the effort to plan something and my partner didn't seem to care, I would be hurt.

Useranon1 · 12/06/2022 10:15

SuziSecondLaw · 12/06/2022 09:50

Erm, it's your boyfriend, how is it your anniversary? 🤔

What? Do you think time doesn't pass until you're married?!

theyetijumpedoverthemoon · 12/06/2022 10:18

Some fairly unpleasant responses here. 2-3 years in is fairly pivotal to most relationships - it might seem like nothing once you've been married a while but you don't get to 5/10 years of marriage without valuing the beginning bit.

SuziSecondLaw · 12/06/2022 10:18

theyetijumpedoverthemoon · 12/06/2022 10:13

🙄 I'm sure you know lots of people value their dating anniversary, particularly if they aren't married and so don't have a wedding anniversary

Show quote history

I really thought only kids did that in the UK? Or an American thing.

I wouldn't have a clue what date I got with my dp 🤷🏻‍♀️

RollOnWinter · 12/06/2022 10:19

Does it really matter what day you have the meal on? It's not as though it's a wedding anniversary or your birthday. You haven't had to get a babysitter. He's given you a week's notice.