Boyfriend cancelled our anniversary meal ...

[pinkblueoh]

It's our three year anniversary next Sunday.
We had the day planned
Out for drinks then a meal on the Sunday night.
I had bought a new outfit and was really looking forward to it.
Now he has turned around and said the next day he is going away with work for an awards evening so wants to spend the Sunday just chilling out.
So he has said we can go for the meal on Thursday instead.
Would you be annoyed ? How he gets this work invite and all of a sudden our plans have to change.

I don't know anyone that celebrates their 'dating' anniversary apart from my 15 year old child. So.. Yeah. Sorry, didn't realise it was a thing.

Agreed. It sounds more like something us kids did in school, like a 'one month anniversary', when you've been boyfriend and girlfriend for a month, or 6 months.

It's not a thing, it's really something only kids do.

Some mumsnetters love to look down on anniversary type things.

What matters is you had plans and he’s decided that something else is more important.
Not even something on the same day, something the day after.

Also work ceremony at 11am on a Monday?
Sounds very odd. I’m not sure I buy that.
When does he think he’ll be back?

Why is he offering Thursday? What’s wrong with Saturday instead?

Do you live together? Do either or both of you have children?

Here to tell you that it's not just kids. DH and I have been married for nearly a decade and still acknowledge our dating anniversary with a card. It's nice to look back on amid the busyness of life/kids etc.

I would be annoyed at cancelling these plans at this point, yes. Assuming the plan wasn't to get trashed, he could have just not had much to drink.

Anyway op, as pp says, why not Saturday? Then you can have a nice evening out without worrying about hangovers etc

All these responses saying it's odd to celebrate dating anniversaries sound miserable. It's not like the OP is expecting presents or other people to join them, she just wanted to do something nice to celebrate an important milestone in the relationship. Fine if you only want to celebrate once you are married but other people may not plan to get married/may view their relationship as important before getting married. Fair enough if her BF didn't want to celebrate but it sounds like he originally agreed to the plans.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest . I don't recall any special anniversary plans when we were dating and wedding anniversaries might include a meal on the weekend nearest the date - or they may not (depends on what else is going on).

I have noticed though that my son and his GF seem to have lots of little anniversary celebrations (more often than annually!)

I suppose it depends on how important this is to you personally . Your partner is unlikely to change so you need to consider whether prioritising your anniversary each year is going to be a biggie or not.

This is telling. You think you always get the short end of the stick? You don't feel valued?

My question to you is do you want to be in a relationship with someone who gives you the short end of the stick, who doesn't value you but sees you as down his list of priorities?

Personally I'd be rethinking this relationship. He is showing you who he is and what he thinks of you, I would take note.

I'm not married and we recently celebrated our 20 year anniversary. We use the day we met.

Can confirm I'm definitely not a "kid"

There are a lot of nasty, snide posts on this thread. Relationship Anniversaries ARE a thing, how long you've been together is something many people celebrate, so stop being so nasty,

@pinkblueoh I could understand him wanting to change the plan a little, maybe a walk or a movie in the afternoon instead of drinking, then dinner after. But postponing the entire thing until Thursday is weird. Why doesn't he want to 'chill' WITH you on Sunday?

you're already feeling you don't take priority in his life. Do you really want to hang around feeling less & less important?

beware of Sunken Cost thinking

You know full well what she means. The 3 year anniversary of the day they met

I wasn't being nasty.. It's genuinely not a thing to literally anybody I know other than children. Which is why I asked if the people celebrating the dating anniversary were American.

I'm not getting married, still don't celebrate dating anniversary.. Would have no clue when it was. But then, I also haven't ever 'dated', that seems an American term, too.

I think as he's rescheduled the date I wouldn't think too much of it. He's probably stressed and worried about this work thing and wants to make sure he gives you his full attention and not be distracted about thoughts on the next day

So why not just marry then?

I was with my exP 11 years and we celebrated every 'dating' anniversary during our 40s and 50s, so definitely not children/teenagers. Both divorced, neither of us had any wish to marry again. I'm pretty disappointed that the smug marrieds out there would deny those that don't want or need to tie the knot the celebration of each year spent together. Not every couple has to get married to feel like a legitimate couple, this is 2022, not 1822!

What a ridiculous comment. Did you think it was clever?

You can have an anniversary of anything. Anniversary of starting your job, anniversary of someone's death, anniversary of lockdown starting....

If you wouldn't celebrate being with someone for a year, then that's your choice, but you're in the minority.

It's not about the 1800s, being married is in fact, probably more important today than it was back then because women are more vulnerable now because men leave easier. And it is about the proverbial not giving them the cow/milk for free, about respecting yourself. You may not value marriage and commitment, but don't be so smug as to look down on those of us that value ourselves, our self respect and our commitment and know our worth.

If I was with a man who doesn't realise it's possible to go out and have a lovely evening with his gf for an anniversary without getting completely trollied then I'd probably be reconsidering the relationship anyway.

I wasn't being 'clever', I was questioning what on earth the op was on about an anniversary when she wasn't married....

I'm just going to assume you're all American 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm not in the minority of adults in the UK.......

Also, I've been married 10 years, and we still celebrate the day we got together. Why not? It's an extra day in the year for us to make a point of doing something nice together to celebrate. What kind of weirdo would begrudge that?

Getting together with my husband represented a more significant shift in our lives (single > not single) than getting married did. Getting married didn't actually change anything about our lives in a practical/day to day sense.

Actually I'd say they're in the majority. Most people don't celebrating dating anniversaries unless they are 14 years old. It's just not something well adjusted adults do. But it does seem these days that adults have lost the ability to actually adult and have arrested development.

I would say fine I understand and then back off a bit. Make a great plan with friends and wear your intended outfit. You'll look fabulous and he will either not care - in which case your relationship is on dodgy ground. Or he will get a twinge of worry. He hasn't treated you well so back off a bit and see if he is still interested.