Boyfriend cancelled our anniversary meal ...

[pinkblueoh]

It's our three year anniversary next Sunday.
We had the day planned
Out for drinks then a meal on the Sunday night.
I had bought a new outfit and was really looking forward to it.
Now he has turned around and said the next day he is going away with work for an awards evening so wants to spend the Sunday just chilling out.
So he has said we can go for the meal on Thursday instead.
Would you be annoyed ? How he gets this work invite and all of a sudden our plans have to change.

It's just not something well adjusted adults do.

I'll make sure to tell my husband 😂

We don't make a massive song and dance of it (no gifts usually), but on our wedding anniversary and our "getting together" anniversary we either cook ourselves a special meal or go out for one to treat ourselves. We've lasted for well over 20 years now, 10 of which married, so it's obviously working.

The idea that a couple that isn't married has no reason or occasion to celebrate their relationship is extremely old fashioned imo. Most people I know do celebrate other anniversaries if they choose not to marry.

So many smug, patronising responses here. You don't sound clever or sophisticated or whatever you're aiming for, you sound rude, judgemental and small minded. You also have no desire to chat to the op about her aibu, so just leave surely?

There’s some really unpleasant sneery posts on this thread. Who the fuck are you to tell other couples what they can and can’t celebrate?

Surely the pandemic has taught us that we need more joy and celebrations in our lives ? Its not as if someone celebrating an event that you don’t takes away anything from you !!

Or is it a race to the bottom ?

“ My husband is so shit that he doesn’t make a fuss of me on Mother’s Day / my birthday / our anniversary / Christmas/ Valentines Day so I’m going to come on MN and try to pretend that makes me a better person because I put up with him . When really I’m jealous of others who have better partners who actually give a fuck about them”.

He has postponed, not cancelled.

I don't think it's a big deal per se but could and should have been presented differently. I wouldn't mind at all if my OH said a work thing had come up that he needed to go to and to avoid it all being a rush, what do I think about shifting our planned meal?

I would say it was definitely more important to marry back then than it is today!What a ridiculous comment!

If you slept with someone 'out of wedlock' and people found out you were considered filth, if you happened to get pregnant as well you were an embarrassment to your family and possibly ostracised. Women didn't have career opportunities so they needed the security of marriage to support themselves.

Today, no one bats an eyelid. Women don't need a man to survive and the only time marriage is really advised on is when the woman wants to give up her career to stay home and raise their kids with no intention of going back or doesn't have her own savings/inheritance/security.

I am married as well so this isn't some smugness from an unmarried woman living together with her partner. I see nothing wrong with celebrating relationship anniversaries, we did it before marriage and no we aren't Americans and I am not even British.

He is not going to feel fresh and nice in Friday am if you are actually doing the same thing in Thursday evening.…

which tells me he just can’t be bothered.

Now, why he can’t be bothered can be many many things from the fact he doesn’t want to make an effort to the fact he is struggling with some anxiety/stress whatever.
Whether you should be annoyed very much depends on what else is going on and if there is a pattern there.

Alb0
Thank you for your input, I'll be sure to enlighten my many friends who although unmarried have some of the best relationships and happiest children I've ever known, in comparison to some who are married and are unhappy and feel trapped. Every relationship is different and everyone makes their own choices.

I do not look down on married people, I've been married myself and maybe will again, but certainly not because of people like you who believe that's the only valid way for a couple to exist.

Oh and your insistence that unmarried couples don't value themselves, their self respect or commitment, know their worth, are 14 years old, not well adjusted and have 'arrested development' is quite honestly so insulting it's actually hilarious. I'm very happy for your wonderful marriage but please don't insult others for their own life choices!

It's irrelevant whether it's an anniversary, your birthday, Easter Sunday or National Yappy Dog Day - you had plans and he's cancelled last minute with a really weak excuse.

I'd be expressing how devalued I felt and suggesting he thinks again.

Sorry OP, the thread has gone off on a tangent as often happens! I wasn't sure if your DP meant chilling on the Sunday meant being at your house with you or not. If not then yes I'd be a bit annoyed, but if he just wasn't up for a big evening out on the Sunday I'd make a meal together at yours and celebrate 'quietly'. But take the night out Thursday as well! 😀

But as I think someone else said, could you not compromise and do the night out on the Saturday so it's as near to your anniversary as possible?

We still celebrate our anniversary as the day we started dating, rather than our wedding anniversary which we regularly forget! That anniversary is extremely special for us and marks the true amount of time we’ve been together, rather than when we had our wedding.

In response to the OP, I agree with the above. if I knew I had a busy day the next day, I wouldn't be able to relax as well, so would probably want to shift it. (I also get bad hangovers so even a couple of glasses of wine would make me feel rough the next day)

Moving it to a day that would work better isn't wrong, but he should be giving you the impression that you are less important.

it could have been made into a lunch date, but instead he cancelled ALL weekend.

and this ^ that you are always getting the short end? Op, take off the i’ve-invested-3-years-and-dont-want-to-waste-then glasses and look at the relationship. Is it good? Does he plan equal special time together? Does he act like he values you? Where is it going?

dont think about a wasted 3 years, as it was an experience. Think critically about whether you want to choose to waste another three.

^ he shouldn't be giving you the impression that you are less important.

I'm sorry if I came across as snide, it was not my intent. I honestly don't know any adults (in the UK!!!!) that celebrate dating anniversaries, so I was questioning that as being strange.

If you are in the UK op, perhaps your dp doesn't give as much weight to the anniversary as you? And if that's the case he really should tell you that.

When my dp goes back on plans, it's blimmin annoying, so can understand the frustration.

Us too! We’ve been married for 11 years and still celebrate the date of our first date with a meal or weekend away. Our wedding anniversary is in the depths of winter so it’s a nice excuse to enjoy trips in nice weather.
Possibly outing but when we were given possible dates for my c-section we chose the one furthest away from our first date anniversary.

It's just frustrating as I always feel like I get the short hand of the stick

@pinkblueoh what, in this relationship or life in general? Personally, I don't think anniversaries have to be celebrated on the exact days, just the closest convenient day, and whether I think he's being unfair or not depends on other factors ...
Does he intend to drink quite a lot and originally Monday wasn't a work day? In which case I understand him wanting to change date.

What's his and your working situations? I'm just wondering why Thursday rather than closer to the actual anniversary, so Friday or Saturday

Because I don't want to?
Spoiler alert, not everyone has the want to be married!

So why be 20 years with someone you don't even want to commit to? That's stupid. What a waste.

Are you always so rude? And odd

Do you think that marriage is the only form of commitment available? It's a lot easier to leave a marriage behind and never see the other person again than it is to leave a child behind.

Honestly, it's not PPs that sound stupid here. If neither party needs financial protection (and with both partners working, this scenario does happen), then marriage doesn't really serve a specific purpose. Marriage is a contract to provide the parties with financial protection, nothing more.

I am married, but I don't labour under the delusion that it makes my relationship more committed or more worthwhile than those of the unmarried couples I know.

@Alb0 why are you being so rude? Not everyone judges commitment the way you do !

how is picking a fight with @MoveBitch helping the OP? Please take your own issues and start a thread of your own, it’s not fair to derail someone else’s.

We purposefully married on our dating anniversary as it meant so much. If u don't know ur dating anniversary how do u know how long you've been together?!

It's not a thing, it's really something only kids do.

I don't do it but know that some people do, as evidenced on this thread. How weird to say it's not a thing and only kids do it when there are adults literally on this thread saying they do...

why does it matter?

It's just frustrating as I always feel like I get the short hand of the stick

There it is. This isn't just about your anniversary dinner. You have much bigger issues.