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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

714 replies

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:07

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 11/06/2022 21:31

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 10/06/2022 22:34

I think if you ignore or block her, she will be more suspicious, at least I would be in her position. In your position, I'd want to respond along these lines.
'Hi Xxxx, the only relationship I have with your husband is purely professional. We do need to communicate regularly, that is how we have to work together. Please speak to him about your concerns. I'm in a stable relationship and have absolutely no interest in having a personal relationship with a married man. I hope this clears up any misunderstanding, Regards....'

I wouldn't say anything like you're offended

This

if you don’t reply uou look guilty

so the Above message is clear precise and hopefully reassure her

Iamnotamermaid · 11/06/2022 21:33

You have done nothing wrong and they need to prove there is an issue (I would hope). The fact the PM is prepared to talk about it so hopefully that gives you a chance.

Don't do anything with the friend request. Maybe he has form for this sort of thing... do you anyone in the industry who may have worked with him before?

IncompleteSenten · 11/06/2022 21:33

Screenshot the friend request before he deletes it.

Frazzledmummy123 · 11/06/2022 21:33

@BlueMoone have you checked your message requests folder for a message? He might have sent you a message and sent a friend request so you get notified of it? If you check and you see one, don't read it, best leave it unread and screenshot the notification of it. She might be posing as him to trap you, or he has attempted to talk to you about it. Just a thought.

Either way, the girl is batshit crazy, and I think your boss will see all this in your favour. I am.going to hazard a guess this might not be the first time thisnhas happened and it won't take too much detective work for them to find out.

Good luck for Monday, you have done everything right. Sorry this has happened to you.

stoneysongs · 11/06/2022 21:35

Well done OP, you are handling it really well and there's nothing more you can do now until Monday. When you talk to the PM I would be slightly bemused and say that while it's a bit annoying to be contacted by some random spouse you have never met, you can do without the drama, you just want to get on with the edit. I wouldn't mention anything about GDPR / harassment etc. Don't become part of the problem for the PM.

They will want to sort it out as quickly as possible without losing any edit time (or people), maybe they'll tell him tough luck, he works with you or they'll find another editor. Or more likely (at our place anyway, since good editors are hard to find), they'll arrange a swap with another EP to keep the peace, which may not be a bad thing tbh. Fine to sigh a bit at that and say what a pain it is when you two were doing such good stuff together and neither of you have done anything wrong (or at least you haven't, tbc about him), but accept it, move on, carry on impressing them.

(I would have words with him privately though - the wife shouldn't have had your number and you shouldn't have been dragged into his relationship dramas to the point where you're called to a meeting with the PM.)

Hulahihi · 11/06/2022 21:41

Frazzledmummy123 · 11/06/2022 21:33

@BlueMoone have you checked your message requests folder for a message? He might have sent you a message and sent a friend request so you get notified of it? If you check and you see one, don't read it, best leave it unread and screenshot the notification of it. She might be posing as him to trap you, or he has attempted to talk to you about it. Just a thought.

Either way, the girl is batshit crazy, and I think your boss will see all this in your favour. I am.going to hazard a guess this might not be the first time thisnhas happened and it won't take too much detective work for them to find out.

Good luck for Monday, you have done everything right. Sorry this has happened to you.

This is a good call and it would be worth checking as you don't always get alerts when you get a message from someone you aren't friends with and they go into a separate folder. You have to click on the chats icon in messenger to access them.

Wombat27A · 11/06/2022 21:41

Is your manager on MN?

I'd let the mgt deal with this now, management of crap like this is for managers. Get your head down and carry on with your work.

minuette1 · 11/06/2022 21:43

BlueMoone · 11/06/2022 20:29

Thanks all for the replies sorry I haven't read them all yet. Fell asleep last night then woke up early worrying about this. It's moved on a bit today sadly. Had a family member's birthday today so I was distracted and decided to leave things and basically bank on the hope of him not saying anything to anyone else and being able to brush the whole thing under the carpet.

Then this afternoon I got a friend request from him on Facebook. That just made me paranoid that he isn't/ they aren't going to let this lie, so I emailed my production manager (I ignored the friend request).

I said along the lines of "sorry to bother you on a weekend but wanted to make you aware of a strange message I received from X's wife (attached). I want to let you know that this is completely unfounded as has been a total shock to me, her accusations are groundless and insulting. I don't want to cause any delays with the production, im happy to carry on as we are but wanted to flag this now so you know what's going on in case it becomes an issue."

She replied an hour later saying she was aware of the issue he can we chat it through on Monday morning. I don't know if that means she is aware just because of my email, or was already aware because Mr & Mrs Batshit have already been in touch?

Either way I now feel like im sucked into a situation I want nothing to do with.

Sounds like maybe she has done this in the past and the production manager is not too shocked it's happened again.

PurassicJark · 11/06/2022 21:48

What a bitch...

By any chance do you know where she works? Because if she ruins your career from her craziness, I'd be ruining hers too.

CherryPieface · 11/06/2022 21:49

I’m so sorry to read all this OP, I’m sure you’ll get this sorted on Monday, let us know how you get on xx

babyjellyfish · 11/06/2022 21:51

God, they sound absolutely mental.

When you speak to your PM make the point that this is harassment, you've done nothing to encourage it, and you expect her to have your back. You can't afford to suffer professional consequences for something that has nothing to do with you.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/06/2022 21:53

Last page didn’t load. Has moved on

glad you have contacted work but get you are now worried why work knows about it

hope Mondays it is solved

remember you haven’t done anything wrong

Glitteratitar · 11/06/2022 21:56

I’m sorry to say this but something similar happened to me once and I never regained my reputation. I ended up having to leave even though the accusations were completely false.

The difference for me was that I could find a job elsewhere but whenever I bump into old colleagues I still fear that they’re judging me for something I didn’t do.

Really hope you sort it.

CuriousMama · 11/06/2022 22:04

I know you're going to feel shit until Monday now. It's disgraceful.

smileyworld · 11/06/2022 22:06

I'm sorry OP. They sound unhinged

Imnotgonnacrie · 11/06/2022 22:11

Great response OP. Ignore all the people saying you should message her to reassure her etc. You certainly don't need to try to prove your innocence, she's in the wrong not you, and for you this is all about the job and nothing to do with her. As hard as it is, you need to do nothing whatsoever now until Monday (except maybe make sure you've got screenshots of stuff). Have a glass of wine or beverage of your choice.

GettingItOutThere · 11/06/2022 22:13

hope you get sorted OP she sounds unhinged!!

ShaneTwane · 11/06/2022 22:20

Keep a log and screenshots of any contact from either of them and send them to your pm for Monday. Take care this weekend.

Sandra1984 · 11/06/2022 22:20

@BlueMoone She replied an hour later saying she was aware of the issue he can we chat it through on Monday morning. I don't know if that means she is aware just because of my email, or was already aware because Mr & Mrs Batshit have already been in touch?

Maybe "they're aware of the issue" because it's happened before with Mr & Mrs Batshit?

ImAvingOops · 11/06/2022 22:21

You've done everything you can. Wishing you all the best for Monday.
I honestly don't know what goes through some peoples minds, thinking it's okay to send these messages and it never occurring to them that they might be wrong!

Zonder · 11/06/2022 22:44

Hopefully Mr and Mrs Batshit will have made clear how batshit they are.

anditgoesonandon · 11/06/2022 22:56

"She replied an hour later saying she was aware of the issue he can we chat it through on Monday morning."

The unhinged woman has presumedly sent something to the manager or made him do it. Maybe he has asked to be paired with someone else or maybe the manager knows about his personal situation (he has overstared with you so has likely told the manager stuff too.) It wouldn't surprise me if he told the manager something along the lines of "she's done it again, she thinks I'm having an affair and has messaged x from my phone, I've tried to contact her on fb to apologize but not had a response, I can't message her as my partner deleted the number, can I have her number?" to which the manager probably said "no, we'll sort this out in person on Monday." I'm speculating but it wouldn't surprise me.

It honestly sounds like a nightmare situation if she got pregnant so early on in their relationship and is now acting irrationally but he has to appease her because he has a child with her. This is of course not your problem, the only person who will look bad from this at work is him, I'm sure of it.

Fernticket · 11/06/2022 23:30

PurassicJark · 11/06/2022 21:48

What a bitch...

By any chance do you know where she works? Because if she ruins your career from her craziness, I'd be ruining hers too.

If you get kicked off the job for this I would be taking legal advice.

Isaidnoalready · 11/06/2022 23:30

Well you have evidence of you doing absolutely nothing to deserve this bullshit

Do you have friends that might have worked with him in the past if they were discreet I might be asking if he has form for this

littlefireseverywhere · 11/06/2022 23:41

You’ve got proof of your messages, they would be very remiss to take it any further. I think it’ll end up being awkward for Mr & Mrs batshit.