Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

[BlueMoone]

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

To be honest they both sound absolutely insane and drama seeking. I agree, don't delete anything at all. I know you are worried about your own career but I think he has more cause to worry. This is harassment really.

Don't delete the friend request.. screenshot it and leave it hanging.. it's more evidence you are not actively causing issues... all the best op I've just read and it sounds incredibly stressful

if they sideline you for this me too them . this is a power thing from a senior man. It sounds to me like he maybe was a little attracted to you or something, or his wife thinks he's attracted to you, and rather than deal with his own marriage and keep it separate from work it's interfering in your life. As this could have such catastrophic consequences for your career if you believe that you will get the reputation for being difficult, I personally would not take it down quietly

Actually maybe screenshot it and then block

That's good then. If there's nothing she can screenshot herself and spin into something different, there's no reason why this shouldn't just go away as far as your PM is concerned

Sorry to read about this crap situation.

I can not get my head around the fact that people behave like this. There's times when I have taken a disliking to a female colleague of my OH but I would not even think to message them and tell them to back off.

You've done the right thing messaging your PM even if they have got there first. Hopefully the PM will see it is their own personal issue and advise Mr. Batshit to sort the issues without involving other people and ask HIM to move on if it is going to cause issues with his work.

As for the Facebook request ignore it, but also check your message requests (if people not friends can message you). I've had a situation in the past where a Miss Batshit got her friends to message me trying to claim my OH was cheating (he wasn't, Miss Batshit got firmly rejected and was wounded) and they sent friends requests, im guessing to send me a notification so I would check my messages. While this might not be the case it may be further evidence for you if you may need it.

I hope this all quickly resolved for you without any negative backlash for you.

What a nightmare, so sorry you have to deal with this crazy. IMO the facebook request has come from the wife accessing the husbands account, trying to 'prove' her theory if you accept it. They both sound awful.

She replied an hour later saying she was aware of the issue he can we chat it through on Monday morning. I don't know if that means she is aware just because of my email, or was already aware because Mr & Mrs Batshit have already been in touch?
It could mean either. It could also mean it's Saturday night and she might be a few wines down and has sent a quick reply so you know it's on her radar but without getting into things in any more detail with a fuzzy head. Part of the PM tool box is dealing with out of hours issues without the team knowing you're tequilaed up on a hen do.
Worst case would be that the Ed and/ or his wife have been in touch with her already. If the wife has, then that backs up your story of her massively over stepping - I would only expect to hear from a colleague's OH if there was some sort of family emergency we needed to know about. If he has, well what is he going to say? My wife kicked off at OP for no reason, so I don't think I can work with her any more. He knows how that'd look so seems unlikely.

Obviously don't accept the friend request but don't delete it either, just in case it helps with the papertrail.
Try not to think about it too much over the weekend, if you can. Easier said than done but there's not a lot you can do now other than not engaging with the madness coming from her/ them.

Absolutely this.

Absolutely not this.

I have a feeling he will be grovelling on Monday. I’ll have £20 this is all the wife.

I sort of think he is having an affair …just it’s not with you. I hope that it will be a simple internal swap and will not be an issue. Try as best you can to keep yourself relaxed so you can be calm and clear on Monday x

Nobody will think it's you OP.

This all points to the batshit wife and who knows about him.

One missed return call and she's gone nuclear.

It’s a sexist issue this wouldn’t be happening if you were a man.

Your email was spot on - hope it works out for you.

Screenshot the friend request too so you can show that even after he and she have said all this, he is still reaching out.

Screenshot your call lists and times too. Take a screenshot of the Facebook email of the friend request coming through all time stamped. Good luck

I wouldn't engage with him until you are both with the PM, he ought to quit if this is an issue. You will probably find out she is famous for this kind of thing.

I’m a TV PM. Your email sounds good. The PM will have to discuss this with the series and Exec producers/ head of production etc which is probably why she’s been non committal at this stage. I wouldn’t worry about that.

You’ve been upfront and honest and shared the screen shots, it’s clear you’re not at fault. Try not to worry, the issue is clearly with him, not you.

I would text her and say you are not interested in her husband and how you are in a loving and committed relationship and you only work with her husband that is it.. She must be having issues with him and things must not be good with them and maybe he was mentioning you. Just continue to work with him but keep it more professional and not sharing personal stuff as no wonder if she is pissed off if he is sharing all about his life with you and you just met.

Hope it all works out okay OP, I think you’ve responded appropriately to everything including the email to your PM

This is so unfair OP.

Don't accept the friend request, it might be his wife doing it.

Maybe your PM is aware of the situation because of mumsnet… as much as I want to know that it all works out for you on Monday maybe it would be in your best interests to ask for this thread to be deleted. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong by posting but it mightn’t look very professional if it’s discovered.

If I were your Exec, I’d absolutely have your back on this.

Unfortunately, it seems that he had already contacted the PM…

Im sorry @BlueMoone . They really put you in the shit didn’t they?
But apart from other posters have said (go in with a copy of the messages between you), I’m not sure what you can do….
I would still assume he might be playing dirty just to placate his wife.