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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

714 replies

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:07

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

OP posts:
MrsClarkandPercy · 11/06/2022 23:47

I would accept his fb friend request so he can explain what the f is going on

Nonicknamesleft · 11/06/2022 23:52

goldfinchonthelawn · 10/06/2022 22:31

I'd reply, I think you have messaged the wrong person. I called your husband once out of office hours in response to a call from him. If someone from work is pestering him, it isn't me. i prefer to keep home and work lives firmly separate.

This is the perfect response. You don't need to say you have no interest in him thank you very much - that's a bit insulting imo even though true. This wording says that exactly but in a much nicer and less defensive way. A 'surely some mistake' response is more diplomatic than 'god no, I'm not interested in him' rack. Avoid putting backs up, even though you are blameless. Good luck!

Nonicknamesleft · 11/06/2022 23:53

*Tack, not rack! Idiot!!

PersonaNonGarter · 12/06/2022 00:00

Poor you. Just save everything and lodge a complaint on the grounds of sexual harassment if it isn’t cleared up by lunchtime on Monday with no further mention of it.

disco82 · 12/06/2022 00:01

I wouldn't accept the FB request. I think it's her trying to spy on you. If he wanted to contact you separate to text, he'd just email you or talk you on Monday at work.

I think you can position this as harassment to your PM - because it is. Trying to get you sacked/tarnish your reputation because of a personal vendetta must have legal consequences! And I would say it's HIM enabling it by by not dealing with his wife. He should be the one worried about never getting a job again as it's his wife causing drama and harassment for everyone.

I do wonder if he is cheating with someone else and has used you as an excuse to talk to/meet other woman. Or saved her number as yours as well. Not your problem though - I hope your PM sees your side and asks him to maintain professionalism at work.

Frazzledmummy123 · 12/06/2022 00:21

MrsClarkandPercy · 11/06/2022 23:47

I would accept his fb friend request so he can explain what the f is going on

He can still message op without her accepting the request though.

PrinnyPree · 12/06/2022 00:29

I agree that you should not accept the friend request but do take a screenshot that YOU have been requested by him.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, how fucking dare they jeapordise your career.

Don't agree with a previous poster who said you should accept if they try to swap which project you're producing on though, fuck that, why should you. I'm not in televison production but I am in a different creative media industry and I've had enough of the bloody misogynistic boys club that women have to tolerate in their careers and be moved like chess pieces so as not to upset the career progression of over familiar men.

Blowthemandown · 12/06/2022 00:30

If you two are working well together, work won’t be interested in this cr*p. Maybe wife is just feeling insecure because he is with her when they got pregnant on second date. Probably is feeling awful. Not that you should have to, but keep cutting them some slack as you are.

VioletToes · 12/06/2022 00:30

Absolutely don't accept the FB request

What a nightmare OP. I hope Monday your PM let's you know she knows it's not you, it's totally them.

Booklover3 · 12/06/2022 00:34

That’s disgraceful

Booklover3 · 12/06/2022 00:35

That’s disgraceful. Sorry that you are being put in that situation!

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 12/06/2022 00:39

amter · 11/06/2022 20:54

What a nightmare, so sorry you have to deal with this crazy. IMO the facebook request has come from the wife accessing the husbands account, trying to 'prove' her theory if you accept it. They both sound awful.

I think this too.
Poor you op what a terrible situation

BobISMyUncle · 12/06/2022 00:56

Please don't block her, yet. It makes you look complicit Keep the messages, you may need them I think, if this kicks off.

meowzeer · 12/06/2022 01:01

Hope Monday goes OK op

growandhope · 12/06/2022 01:11

He needs to be removed from the position if he can't keep things professional and prevent his personal life spilling into his professional via a third party. His wife has lost him this job (if life is fair and just to you) How 'icky' a situation to be catapulted into.

AdaHopper · 12/06/2022 01:11

That really sucks. How well does the PM know him? As long as mr Barshit is not having an affair with her, hopefully you'll be fine. 🤞🏻🤞🏻

AdaHopper · 12/06/2022 01:14

That really sucks. How well does the PM know him? As long as mr Barshit is not having an affair with her, hopefully you'll be fine. 🤞🏻🤞🏻

glowstix · 12/06/2022 01:15

That really sucks. How well does the PM know him? As long as mr Barshit is not having an affair with her, hopefully you'll be fine. 🤞🏻🤞🏻

LovelyTeePee · 12/06/2022 01:33

If you have a chain of messages then this should support your side of things. Hope things work out well.

WeAreTheHeroes · 12/06/2022 01:35

Poor you OP, this is like something from a parallel universe. I think you need to think through the possible scenarios and prepare for each of them. Either he, or his wife, has told the PM you are coming on to him or he's told the PM you and he have or had a thing (he could be a complete fantasist) or he's told the PM the truth that it's nothing other than a professional working relationship with you and he has issues in his marriage. It's possible that his wife is unwell, or he could claim that.

Make a note of the timeline of events, save your screenshots of everything. When you speak to the PM make it clear, again, that you don't want to get involved in the drama, you have behaved professionally, but you've been contacted several times now by her/him/both of them and it's not on and has you worried when you've done nothing wrong. Keep things factual.

He may have someone else's details saved as your name or part of your name in his phone, e.g. Claire and Claire Jones.

FavouritePi · 12/06/2022 01:39

Wow, what a mess! His wife sounds unhinged.

Do not accept the friend request as this could go against you in an effort to 'prove' something to your employer or the wife that isn't true.

I hope this gets cleared up on Monday and he's the one to be moved on.

Lanareyrey · 12/06/2022 02:45

Sorry this is happening to you OP. How absolutely disgusting these people are. I wouldn’t block, instead I would screenshot all evidence, text messages, friend requests etc. You may even need to go to the police to prevent her harassing you. I hope it’s sorted Monday for you.

Snoozer11 · 12/06/2022 03:29

This reply has been deleted

Trollhunting

expat101 · 12/06/2022 04:21

It's good that it's out in the open. You have done nothing wrong, but take copies of all the messages that were sent over this weekend.

What a terrible thing to do to someone else... try and have an easy Sunday OP.

Imogensmumma · 12/06/2022 04:44

I’d be having a chat to a defamation lawyer, even if nothing happens professionally when mud is thrown something sticks and it is not ok action by your colleague and his partner.