Found videos of my boyfriend

[newstart2022]

Hi
I knew my partner was into porn - some of which seemed a bit strange, not stuff I expected a straight man to watch.
i can handle that but I found close to 50 probably more videos of him masturbating. A video of him taking his jeans off to show my underwear.
a video of him urinating in a glass and one off him jogging on the spot naked.photos of him bent over showing his behind.
honestly don’t know what to make of this.

@Yolojo has the right of it, I imagine. AGP heading down the sissification path, I expect. Sub who feels the best way to be the lowest of the low is to ape women. Get yourself on some of the transwidows threads, thank whatever deity you prefer you don't share kids and run away, screaming. Pleased you found this crap now!

@wellhelloitsme
hi
thats not my take on it. It’s more that I don’t know what he is doing. What he is up to.
i think honesty on his part would help.
x

Yolojo
It sounds like an autogynephile masochist and into sissification. That is, he's masochistic and because to be like a woman is the most degrading thing for a man, so he gets off on watching shemale porn and being made to wear women's underwear. He probably isn't gay, but will want to rebrand himself as a 'lesbian' in a few years and blow all your savings on wigs, clothes and 'feminization' surgery, because it's these men who get off on the humiliation of being seen as a woman who are now calling themselves trans, to the applause of gullible women who think we should all be kind. You should read some of the trans widows threads here, and then run for the hills.

AGP was my immediate thought too, Yolojo summed it up very well. Run, OP. Run and don't look back.

@wellhelloitsme

While many (probably most) bisexual people will be serial monogamists, some only ever having relationships with one sex while attracted to both,
@Justkidding55 may have read the following:

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/956716/Syphilis_Action_Plan_Metrics_2010_to_2019_report.pdf

Syphilis disproportionately affects gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men (MSM). In 2019, MSM represented 78.4% of infectious syphilis diagnoses, followed by heterosexual men (13.5%) and heterosexual women (8.0%).

... The parallel rise in syphilis cases among MSM and heterosexuals suggests
these epidemics are interlinked, potentially facilitated through behaviourally bisexual men, including heterosexually identifying MSM (HI-MSM).

In your boots I would dump him, OP. Those videos te w ll their own story - and it's far from pretty. Now you know why you don't feel enough for him, and you know you never will.

You deserve a lover who finds you desirable, who isn't fantasizing about wearing your underwear. Like PP I recommend you explore the transwidow support threads.

I send you heartfelt sympathy. It's clearly been a horrible shock.

Sorry the comment I made re bi people was to @Justkidding55 (who said a bi person would make them worry about diseases) rather than you.

I think that his behaviour, especially using your underwear without permission or knowledge, would absolutely see me ending the relationship.

As he's clearly been sharing these with other people which is cheating as far as I'm concerned for me personally.

just to clarify my comment was that having possibly secret sex with other men who are statistically more likely to have certain sexually transmitted diseases which he could be meeting online and
doing these things for would worry me. As for me finding dating bisexual weird for me that is because I’d wonder how they could be attracted to both and would question their attraction to me. And yes I would be apprehensive about their sexual history. That’s just how I feel x

I would second this.

@Justkidding55
i get that.
for me thinking that he is attracted to other women is hurtful enough, to add men into the mix would be worse x

@Justkidding55

As for me finding dating bisexual weird for me that is because I’d wonder how they could be attracted to both and would question their attraction to me. And yes I would be apprehensive about their sexual history. That’s just how I feel x

You're entitled to feel that way but it's very strange to question someone else's sexuality.

I wouldn't dream of saying 'I think it's weird that staying people only fancy the opposite sex'. If you had blonde hair but most of his exes were brunette would you say 'I know my partner finds brunette women attractive so I would question his attraction to me and find it weird he's dating me'?

My partner is male. I love him dearly and fancy him loads. I hope he doesn't question my attraction to him, because I'm not missing out on something else just because he's a man.

Based on your comments, you're presumably straight. If you have a partner, you don't want to shag all other men you think are objectively attractive. Same goes for me - I love my partner and don't want to cheat so I wouldn't. Me being bisexual has no bearing on my ability to be monogamous.

You should never, ever have to date someone you don't want to, for any reason at all.

But your comments are quite offensive and hopefully you can reflect on them a bit.

Apologies for derailing OP, i know you likely don't share this posters views, I just felt it was important to address as it's a common but wrong type of misconception.

What?? He missed work days to do this?

I would agree with the posters it sounds like tasks being sent to him from a domme - who could be a ‘shemale’ or whatever they call themselves. It’s also likely he’s paying for this service if that’s the case.

People are into all sorts but the fact it’s been kept a secret would be more of an issue. It suggests there could be more to it. I would end the relationship as I wouldn’t be confident that he wasn’t going to continue and it potentially escalating

@KimikosNightmare
yes sick days and took holidays to indulge.

Ditch him. Aren't you bothered by the fact he was taking time off work to do this?

Also just seen he’s been taking time off work to do this which is an even more worrying sign. He sounds very deep into this and possibly addicted. It’s unlikely to end well if it continues, I’d definitely cut and run now

@KimikosNightmare
yes, all of it bothers me.
i just needed to talk it out if that makes sense

Nah Domme's do this, it's a humiliation/control thing. Some men want to be humiliated. It's not uncommon.

You can as far as I'm concerned with sensible derails like that. The OP might feel differently but I and probably you would have called time on this bloke much earlier anyway.

I also reported that user.

Sorry to hear you’re going through this OP.

He clearly has a whole other world that you’re not invited to (not that him naked jogging is a party you’d necessarily want to attend 😅)

Has he ever intimated he’s wanted you involved any of these acts or seemingly humiliating tasks - has he tried to broach it all before - or has he not bothered to try and go down this path with you and instead is on a pure folly of his own?

If the latter, that’s a whole area of his life that’s secret and deceiving to you, not being honest about his wants and desires with you, his actual partner.

If there’s not that openness his side (& I don’t mean his arsehole), then I would see the entire sex aspect of the relationship as a charade and wouldn’t tolerate essentially being someone’s beard without my consent and knowledge.

I’d struggle to trust him after this.

Sounds like he is downlow. Either bisexual or gay.

@MissStarry
lol definitely not a party I want to attend.
no he hasn’t indicated any of that.
has always been cagey about time on his own and now I know why.
he has been trying to push the boundaries lately but nothing too extreme .

If he's started trying to push boundaries then he'll likely start pushing more and more.

You deserve better than him. He has a secret life based on kinks, likely shared with other people or another person. It's impacting on his work (taking sick days to do it for example) and on his relationship with you. It's become or becoming more important than other stuff in his life.

Add to that you aren't certain he's straight, which isn't for you, and you're left thinking you aren't enough for him.

Those videos could be online somewhere, forever, but to be honest that's the least of it.

I couldn't see him the same anymore.

@carolineshaw
give it a rest.
mumsnet is here for help and support, you are offering neither .

We’re just dropping in to remind everyone that the OP is seeking advice and support about a sensitive/personal situation, and to bear this in mind when responding. If we see posts that don’t fit with this, we’re likely to remove them. Posters who continually derail threads may have their accounts suspended.