Found videos of my boyfriend

[newstart2022]

Hi
I knew my partner was into porn - some of which seemed a bit strange, not stuff I expected a straight man to watch.
i can handle that but I found close to 50 probably more videos of him masturbating. A video of him taking his jeans off to show my underwear.
a video of him urinating in a glass and one off him jogging on the spot naked.photos of him bent over showing his behind.
honestly don’t know what to make of this.

It all seems pretty harmless, weird bit harmless, but I couldn’t deal with that.

😁

Fk is there any thread they won't derail with "wot about the menz" bullshit.

Even in threads where the menu are clearly treating women extremely poorly.

He may be on onlyfans or similar.

@Strawberriesaregreat
i agree.
he will never tell me what these videos were about.
but I thought they seemed to have gay tendencies- and yes that is ok but not ok if involved in a relationship.
i think he is narcissistic too.
it’s been an absolute nightmare and I am just trying to get my head round it and get the closure I need

Charley50 · Today 08:45

"Cor blimey @carolineshaw - not sure if you've been on Twitter lately but there are rape and death threats (not jokes) dished out to women every day.. no-one gets banned for them."

Twitter isn't Mumsnet. My point was about what is acceptable here.

"Not sure if you have heard about that recent policeman rapist / murderer who was called 'the Rapist' by his colleagues for a 'joke!'?"

Not the same thing at all. That sounds like they had suspicions about him without having hard evidence.

"The joke someone made here was funny and in context. If you don't think women are the butt (no pun intended) of unfunny (and sometimes funny I suppose) rape and assault jokes on a regular basis, you must be extremely selective with what you see, read, and listen to."

Again, not my point. If we are in an unregulated space then anything goes. My point is what would or wouldn't be tolerated here.

I'd buy him a stack of primark knickers and leave them on his bed with a note saying "you're apparently in need of these".

@LooseGoose22
i just made this point too.The comment was trying to make light of a really crap situation and made me laugh.

@LooseGoose22 i remember the panic in his face when I was throwing them out. Makes sense now!

The more you talk about it, the more red flags are coming up, yes. Put it down to experience and move on. It's better being single than being with someone who makes you feel like you're not enough. The insecurity he will make you feel might lead you to compromise yourself and before you know it you'll be pandering to all his needs, without having any of yours met. Don't let him sweet talk you and convince you otherwise. Good luck x

LooseGoose22 · Today 09:57

"Fk is there any thread they won't derail with "wot about the menz" bullshit."

Who are they?

"Even in threads where the menu are clearly treating women extremely poorly."

He isn't offering violence or joking about it and if women don't call out hypocrisy men certainly will.

Do you honestly think two men making a similar joke on here would be tolerated and anyone raising an objection would be treated to 'wot about the womenz bullshit'?

@carolineshaw
think you are taking this out of context.
i doubt a man would object to this comment, it’s clearly a joke

but I thought they seemed to have gay tendencies

Its not impossible but seems unlikely a (female) domme would be getting him to bend over to show his arse/arsehole etc. It does seem more likely to be with a man.

@carolineshaw
had this before where people join to not help with the actual situation and just create an argument.
i need advice for the situation I asked about not an ongoing argument about a joke.

CaptSkippy · Today 09:56

Porn use alone would be a no-go for me. There is no bigger sign of disrespect and potential fetishization of women than a guy using porn.

Good luck at finding a man with a sex drive who doesn't watch porn

I think OP and everyone have probably got the message now, the thread is now just being derailed when everyone has said their piece on the joke.

Do you honestly think two men making a similar joke on here would be tolerated and anyone raising an objection would be treated to 'wot about the womenz bullshit'?

This is a female dominated forum ...I've been on male dominated forums and the things that are said about women on there, and not deleted, would traumatise you.

Much much much worse than you'd ever see on here.

And that's generally without the woman being joked about being one who's clearly treating the op very poorly, like here.

Stop derailing this thread with your "equality/hypocrisy" crusade .... there is no such equivalent crusade on male dominated forums, I can tell you.

The op needs support, someone chose to give it with some black humour. Get off your high horse and stop crusading and derailing . Give some actual support instead.

newstart2022 · Today 10:06

had this before where people join to not help with the actual situation and just create an argument. i need advice for the situation I asked about not an ongoing argument about a joke.

Do you really need advice? Don't you already know what to do?

His kinks turn you off and he appears to be involved in some sort of infidelity. You either accept that or dump him and move on. I imagine you'll do the latter.

Oh ffs.

Another derail, and more ball licking.

What reasons did he give for engaging in such behaviour?

Do you really need advice? Don't you already know what to do?

The decency, empathy, sympathy and kindness emanating out of your post is really quite overwhelming.

@carolineshaw

do I need advice or help?
you have no idea what I am going through, if you did you wouldn’t be making the comments that you make.

@Unicorndreamsnight
he said it was a mistake
always kind of had a feeling something was up. He always liked time on his own, thought it was just porn but never expected this.

😬😄

I’m so sorry you are going through this OP, you don’t deserve this nonsense. If you were comfortable with/interested in unusual sex stuff maybe it would be worth working through and addressing the deceit aspect. However I’m sure there are plenty of great potential partners for you who don’t come with this sort of crazy baggage so maybe best to let this one go and take from it that weird sex stuff, even just a lot of porn, may be a line you don’t want crossed in future relationships.

FWIW, I do think there was a betrayal here but I really don’t think it’s in anyway personal to you, it doesn’t sound to me like there could be anything you would be able to do to scratch this itch. I imagine he’s ashamed of all this on some level. Whether or not he’s gay or bi or just interested in women and transwomen is for him to figure out I’d suggest, what you know is you’re not having fun so maybe just time to bail?

Since I am not looking, it's not an issue. I'd rather be single than be with a man who gets off on violence against women, which is what most porn consists off.