Found videos of my boyfriend

[newstart2022]

Hi
I knew my partner was into porn - some of which seemed a bit strange, not stuff I expected a straight man to watch.
i can handle that but I found close to 50 probably more videos of him masturbating. A video of him taking his jeans off to show my underwear.
a video of him urinating in a glass and one off him jogging on the spot naked.photos of him bent over showing his behind.
honestly don’t know what to make of this.

maybe it's something you could occasionally incorporate into your lives/sex lives, if that is something your cool with

Op would hardly be posting on here about it if she was cool with it ... and everything she's said in every post shows she not cool with it .... not sure why you havent picked up something so obvious (or are choosing not too).

Wonder how many men would be recommending a guy incorporate it into their sex life if his partber had been caught making videos of herself wearing his jockey shorts, passing in a glass, jogging naked, bedding over to reveal her genitals and asshole etc ... extremely likeky for someone else's consumption ?????

They'd be advising to dump her and she'd be called some choice names.

The shit some women expect other women to accept it their sex life and relationships ..... boggles the mind.

*pissing, obviously

The videos were sent to someone, clearly. Why on earth would he make videos of himself jogging on the spot naked, or pissing in a glass? That's clearly someone asking him for those videos. It makes no sense at all for him to randomly do those things and film it for his own amusement.

I agree with the PP's saying he was instructed by a dom. You will never know 100% unless he admits it to you, which he probably never would, but I think you can be pretty damned sure.

The shemale porn thing doesn't mean that he's gay. Human sexuality is a strange thing, and humans are curious, complicated creatures. There could be all sorts of reasons why he gets off to shemale porn without him being gay or bisexual. I don't think it matters that it's shemale porn - it's just porn. If you have an issue with him watching porn then that's understandable and I get why you're bothered by it, but I think being bothered by the specific type of porn is a bit of a dead end.

I think I'd walk away from this. He's lied to you and he's sending compromising sexual videos of himself to someone else, or uploading them onto the internet. I class this as cheating and I wouldn't be able to trust him again. I'd always be wondering if he was still doing this but just covering his tracks more carefully.

Cor blimey @carolineshaw - not sure if you've been on Twitter lately but there are rape and death threats (not jokes) dished out to women every day.. no-one gets banned for them.

Not sure if you have heard about that recent policeman rapist / murderer who was called 'the Rapist' by his colleagues for a 'joke!'?

The joke someone made here was funny and in context. If you don't think women are the butt (no pun intended) of unfunny (and sometimes funny I suppose) rape and assault jokes on a regular basis, you must be extremely selective with what you see, read, and listen to.

So sorry this has happened to you but I think you are absolutely right to end the relationship. I hope that in time you can look back on it as a lucky escape.

Once men with paraphilias start pushing boundaries they tend to get more and more extreme in their search for a thrill. It must hurt that he is sharing intimate moments with someone else (or possibly a group of other people), but at least he hadn't yet reached the stage of emotionally blackmailing you into doing stuff you are uncomfortable with.

I know a lot of people have suggested he made the videos for a domme, but it is also not unusual for men to share these videos with a group of others who share the fetish and egg each other on.

I don't know if you recall the case of Jess Bradley? Might be worth a Google. This individual was suspended by the SU for allegedly sharing videos of Jess whipping out Jess' dick at work and allegedly encouraging Jess' friends in the group to whip their dicks out in women's toilets and on public transport.

@LooseGoose22 I am just considering ALL possibilities. The fact she hasn't kicked him to the curb straight away would signify to me that she wants to work on the relationship/doesn't want to end it, in that case I'm suggesting the options. As I think it's naive to think that if she asks him to stop, that he will. If this is his fetish, he will most likely be unable to not participate in it for a long time. Then, this is the only way I could see it working.

She isn't cool with him lying or interacting with other women i.e a dominatrix surely but I wouldn't say its definite she wouldn't be okay with exploring his fetish with him. Perhaps some of the tasks aren't her thing, but she doesn't have to give them or partake in them.

My first suggestion WASNT "oh just cater to him yourself" but if she isn't going to dump him, I was thinking of ways it could work. In an ideal world, we would leave every person who ever done something we didn't like or felt betrayed us, but that doesn't always happen with feelings etc.

The shemale porn thing doesn't mean that he's gay. Human sexuality is a strange thing, and humans are curious, complicated creatures. There could be all sorts of reasons why he gets off to shemale porn without him being gay or bisexual. I don't think it matters that it's shemale porn - it's just porn. If you have an issue with him watching porn then that's understandable and I get why you're bothered by it, but I think being bothered by the specific type of porn is a bit of a dead end

I'd disagree.

I doubt truly hetero men get off on she male porn.

They learly enjoy some gender mash up of some sort.

At best they have, as someone pointed put, some kind of autogynaephiliac fetish. If "best" is the correct correct word.

(You'd find the vast vast majority of hetero men green in the face af the prospect of gay or she male porn. Studies have actually found male security to be much more set and narrow than female).

There are also men who consume "she male" porn and are open to sex with trans women, whether paid or not .... who.consider themselves hetero. I'd argue anyone who has anal sex with a "she male" or even reviews oral sex from them is not heterosexual ... however much they may like to see themselves as such.

The fact she hasn't kicked him to the curb straight away would signify to me that she wants to work on the relationship/doesn't want to end it...

Do you actually know anything about relationships, or people?

How long ago did op find these videos?

She didn't even think k sbout the dom/me possibility until getting some responses.

It is very clear indeed, that now she has, it has only cemented her view.

You seem to be reading a different thread.

How would you slam a door on a pussy? Asking for a friend!

If the videos were in a WhatsApp file in the phone then it means they've been sent or received and the phone has automatically saved them. WhatsApp default settings do this and you have to change your settings for each chat individually, manually. It's a shame that he's probably lying about it all as perhaps being open and giving you all the facts would be fairer on you. You have the right to decide what you're comfortable with

We have been together a while.
i found the porn a while before the videoes.
not my cup of tea but each to their own.
finding the videos was different- was always worried about our sex life.
it was like he was never satisfied with me - now I know why.
reading all this makes sense.
its not something he will ever be open with , no way.
i do love him and have found this hard but I can’t be involved with this.
i get the feeling this is possibly the tip of the iceberg with him.

@feellikemyselfagain
thats what I thought about the WhatsApp videos.
its weird I could remember him telling me
lies about some of the days he was doing all this.
one day he had got home from work and was naked on his couch naked masturbating about two minutes after getting home from work.
one or two videos I could have handled but there were close on 50 plus and these are probably just the ones he didn’t delete

a few years ago I'd just started internet dating. Met a fairly nice man (not that attracted to him but he was nice) who was posh, and also a trust fund kid, didn't have to work and liked eating out and so on. Had a few dates but more in the friends zone and I eventually ended it.

He then added me on FB a few years later and we got chatting and suddenly the chat changed to pegging, what he wanted women to do to him (all sounded very gay as it was with strap ons). I told him he was filthy and blocked and deleted. He'd actually married a woman and divorced her. Swore blind he wasn't gay or bisexual. Said very few women liked to do what he wanted.

In your case OP, run away very very quickly. And block and delete.

You deserve someone who wants you sexually for you, without having to pander to their sexual obsessions and being little more than a prop. If there are over 50 videos then it clearly is an obsession and not just something he tried on a whim, and we've been shown time and time again on the trans widows threads how these things escalate. I had a boyfriend who was a cross-dresser many moons ago. It didn't turn me on and I told him so, but I otherwise had no objection and so he did it when I wasn't around. These things are like an addiction, however, and he was obsessed with wanting to be a lesbian, his fantasy was being gang raped by lesbians and when I jerked him off would have his eyes closed and make 'girly' sex noises whilst fantasising. Despite this being the most male sexual fantasy ever, my ex now claims to be an actual woman. Please don't put yourself through that or similar, I'm sure he's got redeeming features or you wouldn't be with him, but it's really not worth it.

newstart2022 · Today 08:33

At this moment in time I would like to trap a lot more than that in a door to be honest. it was a lighthearted joke - not something I am going to act on.

I didn't imagine you would and that isn't my point. It is viewed as lighthearted because it is directed at a man. I don't think a similar joke aimed at a woman would be viewed as quite so lighthearted.

Oh yeah, and I found my ex doing sex chats online also, I think your guy fits the same profile.

I am just considering ALL possibilities.

You are including in the possibilities that op accept what is extremely likely cheating behaviour, or at best totally inappropriate behaviour (uploading these vids onto a porn site without your partner's awareness, even so far as using her underwear), and then go along with it in her sex life.

Even though she's already indicated she's not OK with the cheating aspect and, entirely naturally, turned off by the "activities"!

Why would you normalise the above as an option/possibility?!

Oh and it is very likely cheating with a domme or dom chat sex worker into the bargain.

So he's probably been wasting op and yes joint household income on.this shit.

On top of the infidelity aspect.

(by profile I mean behaviour patterns)

it was like he was never satisfied with me - now I know why.

Well you won't feel like it now but this is actually a positive that youve found these now, instead of being made to feel like this for years more of your life.

So he made 50 mistakes. Don't think so. He was wearing your underwear. He was bending over. All sounds like gay tendencies and I'm saying this from experience of having a bf who was gay but still in the closet. Which frankly is sad.
This is only what you've found, there's bound to be more although anything on his current phone will now be deleted.

@Yolojo
there have been loads of red flags I ignored.
i have just been left a big shell shocked by it all.
to add to it he openly flirts with people too. And is now friends with someone who I said I was uncomfortable with.
he is a real catch.
i need some closure and just needed to know what other people think.

i get the feeling this is possibly the tip of the iceberg with him.

It usually is.

@carolineshaw
but it isn’t aimed at a woman, it was said in jest to make light in a really horrible experience .
i am not sure what point is trying to be made but it’s a bit lost on me.
my thread is about what has happened.

Porn use alone would be a no-go for me. There is no bigger sign of disrespect and potential fetishization of women than a guy using porn.

You should check out what Ted Bundy had to say about porn use. It would make your skin crawl that a guy could even consider using it unless there was something seriously wrong with him.