Found videos of my boyfriend

[newstart2022]

Hi
I knew my partner was into porn - some of which seemed a bit strange, not stuff I expected a straight man to watch.
i can handle that but I found close to 50 probably more videos of him masturbating. A video of him taking his jeans off to show my underwear.
a video of him urinating in a glass and one off him jogging on the spot naked.photos of him bent over showing his behind.
honestly don’t know what to make of this.

LooseGoose22 · Today 10:10

"This is a female dominated forum ...I've been on male dominated forums and the things that are said about women on there, and not deleted, would traumatise you."

Doesn't make it any better when we do it.

"Stop derailing this thread with your "equality/hypocrisy" crusade .... there is no such equivalent crusade on male dominated forums, I can tell you."

Doesn't make it any better when we don't do the right thing or have double standards.

"The op needs support, someone chose to give it with some black humour. Get off your high horse and stop crusading and derailing . Give some actual support instead."

The OP knows what to do already. There isn't any other course than dumping him. You can't be with a man whose kinks turn you off and who is unfaithful.

If you have no children I'd be off like a shot

I actually think that he is seeing what he looks like before sending these videos to other people

A mistake he repeated 50 plus times.

Right.

I think he means not finding them and deleting them from the phone.

Op, some other poor fkr is going to end up married to and with kids with this possibly closet gay, sub fetish-y, secretive, deceitful, narcisstic, flirtatious, inappropriate, oddball guy ...... and I dread to think what he'll have escalated to by then (if he hasn't already, what is found tends to be the tip of the iceberg) .. . Just be v glad it's not you.

They'll be left wory the feeling there's something not right, they'll be sealing with Inappropriate & disrespectful flirtation, they'll be dealing with the inappropriate "friendships", they'll be finding stiff like this and worse. He may be wasting money on it too.

Not a little for any woman.

@carolineshaw
if I am looking for advice and peoples opinions on my post.
start your own post.

LooseGoose22 · Today 10:11

Good luck at finding a man with a sex drive who doesn't watch porn

"Oh ffs. Another derail"

It's not a derail at all. It's central to the discussion. The OP seemed to suggest she was not that bothered about his porn use in general but the kinks and possible infidelity did bother her. At least that was my reading of the matter.

And again, are you so deluded to dispute that almost all men and a hefty number of women watch porn?

"and more ball licking."

Not before lunch thank you.

Doesn't make it any better when we don't do the right thing or have double standards.

Expecting women to have higher/better or different standards of behaviour from men is discrimination and misogyny.

Whh do you feel the need to start a derailing personal crusade about it in this thread anyway.

Don't forget that he is paying or this shit too

'honestly don’t know what to make of this.'

It's pretty simple - your bf is a fetishist. The complicated bit is working out whether you want to live with it.

It seems to me that your standards are extremely low. Just because it's unlikely to be able to find a man who does not watch porn, does not mean you have to accept one that does.

The harms of porn use have been documented in too many studies to count. There is even a movement of men who turned away from porn (addiction) because they see the harm it does to themselves and their relationships. This could be anything from not being able to see their (female) partners as human, to erectile dysfunction and to addiction.

He's not sexually into you is he. He'd rather do his own thing and have you as his "look I'm a normal person with a normal girlfriend" accessory.

Don't live as an accessory to a man.

Find someone who actually fancies you and wants you and only you.

Have you spoken to him about breaking up?

newstart22 I've reported @carolineshaw for de-railing. S/he needs to start their own thread about what it is politically okay to joke about.

You owe @carolineshaw no response whatsoever. It is bullying, plain and simple, giving you such a hard time when you're going through this kind of distress.

My thoughts are that the only good news is that you don't live with him so you don't have to look for somewhere else to live.

I fear for my daughter, I really do. There are so many useless fuckers out there.

And Mumsnet and jokes aren’t real life FFS. No man was hurt in the telling of that joke.
You know why it’s different the other way around? Because men actually do rape, abuse and sexually assault women at an alarming rate. Many also get away with it, never spending time in prison. Many make rape jokes, wank to porn that shows women in pain, and buy access to female bodies for their own gratification. That’s REAL, that’s what you should be concerned about.

Jordan Peterson who is extremely unpopular on here, but incredibly influential for young men is vehemently anti-porn.

He talks at length about how destructive it is for young men and how they need to step away from it if they want to find happiness and success.

I quite like Jordan Peterson.

Think we can we derail this thread further..?

I practically cheered reading this. Perfectly put. It deserves repeating.

Why should women and men be held to the same standard in that respect when they’re overwhelmingly the ones who rape and sexually abuse us, not the other way around.

Do you understand that a white person telling a racist joke about a black man, isn’t the same as a black man telling a racist joke about a white man?

Sorry @LooseGoose22 i quoted the wrong post!

For those suggesting the OP could try to work her partner's kinks into their sex life, er, no. It might be one thing if this had all come out in a discussion about their sexual preferences and the OP was open to it, but the man has been going behind OP's back and most likely paying for sexual services or taking part in sexual activities with others. I think most women would understandably be turned off by the weird porn obsession alone, never mind all the betrayal. You don't have to pander to his kinks, you only have to decide if you're into it as well and clearly you're not.

Sorry @LooseGoose22 i quoted the wrong post!

No worries, I guesses as much.

You made a very good point too.

@Yolojo - I agree with you re not incorporating his kinks into their sex life!

I recall when this man messaged me about his kinks and obviously asking me to do this to him. I couldn't think of anything worse and worse of a turn off and I told him so. It's one thing dressing up, spanking etc - another thing pegging etc.

I'm thinking you don't live with him because you said the glass he pissed in was his own. Can't believe what I'm writing and what is normalised now, and how people fall over themselves to be cool with it. I hope you don't share a place.

Your username is @newstart2022 so you're part of the way there. You know it's over bar the practicalities. I wish you well.

All studies I have seen on this suggest that in the UK, and lots of other European countries, the rate of porn use among men is around 50%. It’s true that 95% have seen it as some point (just like around 70% of women have too) but it’s wrong to say more or less all men use it. I’m sure there maybe be higher rates at younger ages but by late 20s it starts to drop significantly.
Men who do use it will tell you that everyone does it all the time and it would be weird not to, but I imagine they have their reasons for pushing that line

Good morning,
Just tiptoeing in to politely request that posters refrain from derailing this thread.
Best wishes,
MNHQ

@Gettingthingsdone777
this is a middle age man. So chances of this changing are slim.

Wow, you poor thing OP, what a shock. YOu don't need to figure it all out 100%, just feel and take note of your reaction. You know he hung about the house for a few days jogging on the spot and wanking. Whoever that was for, you had a reaction to that. Be guided by that. <3

This.