My wife is so untidy what can I do

[DadofDD]

would really welcome a female perspective on this, my wife is so untidy. She leaves clutter everywhere. I wipe the worktop down come back it’s got crumbs on it. Every surface in the house has stuff pilled up on it, cupboards brimmed with papers and stuff.
We have argued over this for many years our DD is 8 and each year it’s gotten worse. It causing me serious resentment towards her. She’s a very emotional person I tried to tell her how I feel and it was a whole night of upset tears argument….I love my wife and family so much, when we’re not arguing over we get on really well…but I feel this is really pulling us apart ..what on earth can I do.?

The second two pics look normal to me. We are a family of 5 and I'm not the tidiest of people, DH is much tidier than me. The first pic, stresses me a little bit how long has it been like that? How old are the DC?

Wow. You're a total dick, your poor wife.
Do you realise those photos could potentially end up in a tabloid paper?

Pictures 1 & 2 are family mess, no 3 looks fine to me.
Why is it her responsibility.

For context, my dh has adhd and is incredibly messy & disorganised. I support him and never in a million years would I shame him by posting photos online.

Totally get it - I work with getting clutter sorted and I never work unless both people are on side otherwise you sort it clear it and it goes back to how it was very quickly. I make it very clear to both parties that an infrastructure needs to be put in to stop it reverting that could be a cleaner house keeper whatever it takes otherwise why bother doing it ? Having done this type of work as a hobby now a business it’s impossible to change people everyone has to be on board

I completely agree with OP, the home is a house the mess is horrendus I would leave my partner if they wasn’t pulling there weight and the house was this bad! Get a skip and throw away all clutter (and the wife if she doesn’t buck her ideas up)! That’s the first problem sorted. Then set tasks were jobs are 50/50 not all on the wife!

100% this.

I'm surprised you have had any positive responses to this thread. Not surprised at the ADHD diagnoses though

There IS a dishwasher.

Those plates are clearly stacked waiting to go in the dishwasher. Yes it’s not nice to look at but happens sometimes.
the other 2 pictures aren’t bad at all and if they’re the worst you can find I don’t know what you’re fussing about.

Yes, throwing away all their crockery and their daughter’s shoes & schoolbag is really going to solve the problem!

The kitchen picture = YANBU. Leaving food out and not putting rubbish in the bin is not really ok.
The other pictures would only take a short time to tidy. I guess it’s the whole picture that matters. Is she a stay at home parent? Could you do more to keep on top of it? Would a morning or two a week to blitz the place help?
I think if you love her and things are otherwise ok, you need to work together to improve the situation. Better storage? A big declutter? Get the kids to help with things like putting their shoes away, divide and allocate jobs etc.

Have a look at aslobcomesclean.com - her podcasts and blog posts are very enlightening and helped me to clear a lot of clutter from my home.

It’s not great having so much clutter on the kitchen surfaces and makes it difficult to keep clean/tidy and use it for prepping food.

In the first pic I’m seeing poss recycling. Is it possible to get some stackable boxes/drawers for recycling? In the second pic there’s a lot of crockery. Are the cupboards overloaded?

Getting a cleaner in might be an idea but they will be battling to get round.

Maybe worth getting a bigger shoe rack and/ or a box to store bags/excess shoes.

How does your wife respond to having a clear out? Without arguments or accusations, is your wife ok with having clear outs? If not, she may need some help to understand why she wants to hang on to items. When was the last time these areas were clear of clutter?

Pics 2/3 look fine to me. The kitchen is pretty bad but could be sorted in twenty minutes. Does she work full time?

Why can’t you clean the kitchen? Why can’t you tidy the kids shoes?

Wow, I'm pretty sure that if this was the other way around then people would be a lot happier to attack the husband!

I get the impression that the Op probably tidies constantly and when he doesn't, this is what happens.

Some people are just insanely untidy, just because they are and they're happy to live like that. Other, like the Op, have their brain fried by having to live in that kind of shit hole.

Im totally in the Op's camp on this one. If your other half is happy to live with the kind of mess in the first pic then you're fighting a losing battle.

I missed that, just reread it - why can’t OP empty the dishwasher if it’s full?

I feel for you OP.
I couldn't live in conditions like that. It looks filthy and the mess is horrendous. Skanky.
Your wife sounds very, very trying. And histrionic.
Feel for you.

Obv your kitchen is messy but is that constantly or is it sorted by bedtime? Why can't you empty the full dishwasher and put a load of washing in. You say you don't want to cook so is she expected to cook and tidy up after cooking every night? How do the other chores fall?
Hallway needs better storage.
Bedroom is fine

“Hi,
Would really welcome another perspective on this, my husband is a perfectionist and expects the house to be pristine when he comes home.
Our house is too small for all our family clutter. I try my best to organise things but we’re bursting at the seams!
DH doesn’t help with anything to do with the house or DD at all and thinks it’s all my responsibility. Sometimes if the dishwasher isn’t emptied or DD’s shoes aren’t on the rack when he comes home he starts having a go at me.
When we’re not arguing over we get on really well…but I feel this is really pulling us apart ..what on earth can I do.?”

Op you've not answered what you're doing to contribute to the housework. The dishes I assume are not all of hers. Shoes look like kids shoes.

Do something instead of taking photos and shaming her on the internet.

…Sorry just reread my post “female perspective” sort I never meant to be sexist.😬

The OP is desperate - and I understand. Too. Much. Stuff.

honestly, I couldn’t live like that.

Other than the kitchen what is so bad? And the kitchen is clearly like that because it’s been used to make meals, which is what a kitchens for. The other two pictures look fine. Your reaction is a bit dramatic.

Why is the OP desperate? Why is there too much stuff? Why is it the responsibility of one person?

To be honest things have got so bad that I cook,wash my own clothes, my daughters sometimes…I mostly clean the house as and when I can….it’s all a bit gross because I work so many hrs in the summer.