The cost of dating- I spent £50 last night!

[Okclaro]

It takes me a while to feel comfortable going back to someone’s or having them to me but this can’t keep up 😬

That was dinner, two drinks and a taxi home.

This 50/50 nonsense just benefits men and makes life even more expensive for women.

I earned - and still earn - more than DH. Was I supposed to make him pay for everything when we started dating?

You can't give equality?

I think that's a typo - should say 'have'. Happens on here a lot. Especially as the sentence starts 'if' rather than I'd.

I presume you've achieved equality in the bedroom as well as the dinner table? Thought not.

What does this even mean?

@Casper10 Well I doubt many women felt they had achieved equality after paying 50% of the bill and then enduring 3 minutes of listless horizontal grunting as their prize for doing so.

@iklboo men orgasm 90% - 100% of the time they have sex, women only around 20% of the time. Men are focusing on the wrong equality.

@TeachesOfPeaches - sorry, that's not my personal experience. Listless, horizontal grunting? What are you doing - just lying there?

clumsy use of word on my part. the point i'm making is that you say women can't pick and choose when they want equality. im saying you can't pick and choose either. if you want women to pay half on dates because "equality" what else are you doing to help achieve it?

I would never tell you that. Or anything. But if you didn't even offer to pay - even if the expectation was I'd get the next round - there wouldn't be a second date.

@iklboo I've been celibate for 6 years, I don't do anything. Men don't deserve it.

You're not getting it.

It's not about 'making men pay for everything'.

It's about not being made to feel guilty for accepting petty things like drinks and meals because it's 'gold digging' or 'being a hooker'.

It's about not being hoodwinked into accepting stinginess and a miserly mentality under the guise of 'equality'.

Funnily enough you mention sex there pp as I was just thinking, in comparison, i wonder how often have we as women, committed to helping a man reach orgasm - and not had that returned? Sometimes not so much as them even asking, let alone attempting to help you with it.

I do get it. I've never felt 'guilty' when someone's bought me a drink or dinner. I just don't expect it, nor do I think a man should pay for me just because I've put some make up and heels on - which I'd more than likely have in the house already and NOT gone specifically out to buy just for the date.

As a woman, you're risking far more than a man is to go on a date. You have a far, far greater chance of being assaulted. If it's an evening/late date, then getting there and back is much more dangerous for you than for him, and potentially more expensive, if you've opted for a taxi. You will have almost certainly put more time into getting ready because the threshold of what's 'acceptable' for women is so high compared to men. In terms of effort, time, stress and money, you will almost certainly be spending far more than he is.

And after all that, he resents buying you a drink because of 'equality'?

Yeah, no.

A woman who drags herself out on a low effort date to a park as if she was a golden retriever, and insists on paying for her own cappuccino at the cafe because ‘pick meeee! I’m not a golddigger!!’ does not seem to be a woman who has a wealth of options.

Lots of very good posts on here from people who really understand that you can 50/50 date all you want- but the likelihood is, your relationship will be 100/0 with you giving everything: child-reading, cleaning, life admin sacrificing your career, etc. 🤡

50/50 date all you want if you are older, retaining your home and not blending families- but telling women who are seeking heteronormative relationships and a family life that this is the way to go is just pure clown shit. Not all men who want to take the lead on the first date are princes, quite the opposite- most men are pretty awful. But all men who have weird notions of ‘eQUaLiTY’ ‘I AiN’T pAYING fOr hEr sTeAK!’ end up being lazy, valueless, miserly partners.

That's quite funny.

Clearly I'm kind of an except 😇

Exception!

Clowns, the lot of them.

I am regularly bought coffees, drinks and occasionally food by men I'm not even dating. I have a colleague who almost always pays for my drink(s) if we pop to the pub after work because I'm good company and he's aware I'm saving for a flat deposit and I wouldn't necessarily choose to go to an expensive pub after work.

Imagine thinking so little of yourself that you don't feel worthy of being bought a drink by a man you've dressed up to go on a date with.

@Casper10 perhaps you can offer an orgasm guarantee. If you don't fulfil the contract, the lucky lady gets her 50% of the food bill back? It's all about equality after all.

This thread went from mildly interesting observation about the cost of going out and about to an utterly fascinating debate.

Lots of anger verging on destructive bitterness, but alternative views are always good to hear.

Doesn't Keith offer that in The Office. I don't he'd have had many takers 😅

Yeah I could live with that.

Agree @alwaysmovingforwards, there are some people here I'd consider too fraught for relaxing dating, but listless horizontal grunting is going straight into my lexicon and repertoire.

And @Suprima the likelihood is, your relationship will be 100/0 with you giving everything: child-reading, cleaning, life admin sacrificing your career, etc - I think you're hanging out with the wrong people. I don't know any families like this. Get some new friends & role models who are less depressing.

Totally agree.
Many on here seem to be whining / projecting their own crap experiences as fact.
Trust me, plenty out there who are certainly not what is being described by some.

The posters stating that they certainly don't feel indebted after accepting a meal might want to read up on the psychology of gifting and ask themselves why things like promotional pens continue to exist or why gifts from clients are such a big topic for compliance departments.

The 'payback' was my company. That's it. I got dressed up and looked lovely and put myself at risk to meet them, and in return they got some interesting conversation with a potential partner. An absolute bargain compared to what I spent, both financially and in terms of time, effort and risk.

Why do so many women feel expected to 'put out' because someone bought the a drink?

And yet the Relationships forum is full of page after page after page of women who feel trapped in shit relationships with men who don't remember their birthday. Who have to do all the childcare. Can't afford to leave because they gave up work or were forced to go part time. Aren't allowed any 'spending money' to buy anything for themselves despite their childcare and housework contribution allowing their partner to work full time. Women whose partners expect them to continue paying 50% of the mortgage and bills while they're on maternity leave or are working part time on 16K a year.

Yeah, 'equality' is really working out.

Denial of the empirically documented ‘double burden’ placed on women is pure misogyny and handmaiden behaviour.