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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The cost of dating- I spent £50 last night!

285 replies

Okclaro · 29/05/2022 11:24

It takes me a while to feel comfortable going back to someone’s or having them to me but this can’t keep up 😬

That was dinner, two drinks and a taxi home.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 31/05/2022 10:35

mihimagna · 31/05/2022 08:11

I don't disagree with @DontBlameMe79 I actually think it's sad that so many women don't feel worthy enough for the man to wine and dine them. Men like the thrill of the chase. If a man doesn't want to pay for a date with you, he doesn't think you're worth it in which case why would you even date such a loser. Stop dating losers.

This is bonkers.

You may as well say:
Women like the thrill of the chase. If a woman doesn't want to pay for a date with you, she doesn't think you're worth it in which case why would you even date such a loser. Stop dating losers.

It would make as much sense.

AllAloneInThisHouse · 31/05/2022 10:43

To women saying you want to be ’equals’, the men won’t be thinking like that.
They’ll just know you’ll be cheap.
That’s all.
If men actually cared about equality, they’d do something about it.
It would extent to more thing than just their date paying.

40andlols · 31/05/2022 11:05

your so right @AllAloneInThisHouse

"so gary what did you do this week to support women's rights and challenge the patriarchy?"

"i let my date pay for her own coffee"

pixie5121 · 31/05/2022 11:35

alwaysmovingforwards · 31/05/2022 09:39

@pixie5121

Not sure what your comment means?

A pickme is a woman who thinks she's just so cool and better than other women.

'Pick me! Pick me! I'll go 50/50 on everything because it's 'fair'! Even though I have fewer career opportunities than men, am far less likely to get promoted, have to give birth if we want kids, deal with all the physical aspects of pregnancy and a post partum body, get lumped with the vast majority of the housework and childcare, have to spend money on things like Ubers to get home at night because it's not safe to walk alone...I could never possibly let the poor old menz spend a bit of money on a burger or a glass of wine for me because that would make me a gold digger!'

Clowns, all of you. You've swallowed men's bullshit and can't even see it. They're now in the best situation of all time. They get sex without commitment, no demands of them, their lives made easier, and they don't even need to buy you a bloody drink.

pixie5121 · 31/05/2022 11:38

AllAloneInThisHouse · 31/05/2022 10:43

To women saying you want to be ’equals’, the men won’t be thinking like that.
They’ll just know you’ll be cheap.
That’s all.
If men actually cared about equality, they’d do something about it.
It would extent to more thing than just their date paying.

We are not equals. We are nowhere near being equals. Any man who has any intelligence or empathy is well aware of that. This 50/50 nonsense just benefits men and makes life even more expensive for women.

qpmz · 31/05/2022 11:39

If it's very early days I wouldn't go for dinner, just a drink.

Begoniasforever · 31/05/2022 11:51

I can’t believe some of these responses. It’s so shameful in this day and age, reading what I assume are women trying to justify putting their hands out and free loading simply due to their gender.

it’s toe curling.

Begoniasforever · 31/05/2022 11:52

pixie5121 · 31/05/2022 11:38

We are not equals. We are nowhere near being equals. Any man who has any intelligence or empathy is well aware of that. This 50/50 nonsense just benefits men and makes life even more expensive for women.

Speak for yourself. I’m equal, all day long.

pixie5121 · 31/05/2022 11:59

Begoniasforever · 31/05/2022 11:51

I can’t believe some of these responses. It’s so shameful in this day and age, reading what I assume are women trying to justify putting their hands out and free loading simply due to their gender.

it’s toe curling.

I can't believe so many women are hoodwinked into believing they're equals.

None of the men I work with had to struggle for years in shit jobs because they'd been discouraged from going into tech because of their gender. None of the men I work with have ever had to work twice as hard as anyone else on the team to prove their worth. None of the men I work with have to fork out 20-30 quid for an Uber after team nights out because they're worried about being sexually assaulted on the walk home. None of the men I work with have to worry about maternity leave meaning reduced career opportunities or lack of promotions. They don't have to miss out on parenthood or accept a massive ding to their earning potential. Almost all of the men I work with are paid more than me, despite not having any significant experience beyond what I have.

And despite all of this meaning almost all the men I know are literally thousands of pounds a year, if not tens of thousands of pounds a year better off than me, you think I should feel guilty about getting a few £5 pints bought for me at the pub?

You've been utterly had.

CupidStunt22 · 31/05/2022 12:03

I can't believe so many women are hoodwinked into believing they're equals

I can't believe you've been hoodwinked into believing you're a hooker. Have we gained full equality? Fuck no. You expecting men to buy your dinner and drinks because you've put on heels and lippy isn't helping us to either. Congrats on assisting the patriarchy while whining about it.

DontBlameMe79 · 31/05/2022 12:04

pixie5121 · 31/05/2022 11:35

A pickme is a woman who thinks she's just so cool and better than other women.

'Pick me! Pick me! I'll go 50/50 on everything because it's 'fair'! Even though I have fewer career opportunities than men, am far less likely to get promoted, have to give birth if we want kids, deal with all the physical aspects of pregnancy and a post partum body, get lumped with the vast majority of the housework and childcare, have to spend money on things like Ubers to get home at night because it's not safe to walk alone...I could never possibly let the poor old menz spend a bit of money on a burger or a glass of wine for me because that would make me a gold digger!'

Clowns, all of you. You've swallowed men's bullshit and can't even see it. They're now in the best situation of all time. They get sex without commitment, no demands of them, their lives made easier, and they don't even need to buy you a bloody drink.

This is a very accurate summary in the last paragraph. You could say we have shot ourselves in the foot, but in the head would be more accurate.

pixie5121 · 31/05/2022 12:05

CupidStunt22 · 31/05/2022 12:03

I can't believe so many women are hoodwinked into believing they're equals

I can't believe you've been hoodwinked into believing you're a hooker. Have we gained full equality? Fuck no. You expecting men to buy your dinner and drinks because you've put on heels and lippy isn't helping us to either. Congrats on assisting the patriarchy while whining about it.

The patriarchy have successfully conned you into thinking accepting a drink from a man makes you a hooker.

With women like this in the world, who needs sexist men? You're every bit as bad.

pixie5121 · 31/05/2022 12:07

@CupidStunt22 and by the way, I don't wear heels or lippy. I just don't and will never feel guilty about a man who has had far more opportunities than me financially buying me a fucking pint.

40andlols · 31/05/2022 12:08

CupidStunt22 · 31/05/2022 12:03

I can't believe so many women are hoodwinked into believing they're equals

I can't believe you've been hoodwinked into believing you're a hooker. Have we gained full equality? Fuck no. You expecting men to buy your dinner and drinks because you've put on heels and lippy isn't helping us to either. Congrats on assisting the patriarchy while whining about it.

how is pp a hooker? is she having sex in return for money? she's not.

and it would cost a damn lot more than the cost of coffee or even dinner if she were a hooker

pixie5121 · 31/05/2022 12:14

40andlols · 31/05/2022 12:08

how is pp a hooker? is she having sex in return for money? she's not.

and it would cost a damn lot more than the cost of coffee or even dinner if she were a hooker

It's utterly sick. It genuinely is. So many women brainwashed by men into thinking being bought something makes you a hooker. Vile misogyny.

I often pay for drinks and coffees for people because I enjoy their company and it's a nice gesture. That's literally it. If I go for a coffee or a beer with a junior at work, I usually pay because I know I have more money than they do. Yet somehow when a man buys a woman he's dating a drink, she must owe him sex?

Some people on here need serious help.

TeachesOfPeaches · 31/05/2022 12:15

Modern women are expected to be the baby carrier and default parent, the cleaner and administrator, take care of her appearance including the gym, hair, nails, clothes etc, provide sex on tap, be educated and have a career and be a financial provider.

Men are now expected to pay 50% of bills, that's it.

I say this as someone who was a fully paid up member of the 50/50 club. I paid for my own maternity leave and still paid half the bills. Who was the winner there?

Been a single parent for 6 years and have my own mortgage and career but will never go 50/50 again.

DontBlameMe79 · 31/05/2022 12:18

CupidStunt22 · 31/05/2022 12:03

I can't believe so many women are hoodwinked into believing they're equals

I can't believe you've been hoodwinked into believing you're a hooker. Have we gained full equality? Fuck no. You expecting men to buy your dinner and drinks because you've put on heels and lippy isn't helping us to either. Congrats on assisting the patriarchy while whining about it.

Classy casual stigmatisation of sex workers here as well. Lovely…

CupidStunt22 · 31/05/2022 12:19

Classy casual stigmatisation of sex workers here as well. Lovely

Show where exactly?

Casper10 · 31/05/2022 12:19

In my experience women are happy to contribute to dates. I will usually pay the greater share but to be honest those that don't contribute at all are raising a red flag.

You can't have equality when it suits. You either want it or you don't.

40andlols · 31/05/2022 12:22

Casper10 · 31/05/2022 12:19

In my experience women are happy to contribute to dates. I will usually pay the greater share but to be honest those that don't contribute at all are raising a red flag.

You can't have equality when it suits. You either want it or you don't.

If counter that by saying "you can't give equality when it suits"

TeachesOfPeaches · 31/05/2022 12:24

@Casper10 I presume you've achieved equality in the bedroom as well as the dinner table? Thought not.

MintJulia · 31/05/2022 12:24

It's a lot to spend if money is tight.

Better do daytime stuff at the weekends, or don't drink alcohol, or go to your local within walking distance (and provide your neighbours with some gossip 😊).

Last weekend I arranged to meet someone on Sat afternoon, cycled in, we took a boat trip along the canal, a glass of wine while cruising along in the sunshine, £17 each. I worked the calories off cycling home. It was blissful. 😊

Casper10 · 31/05/2022 12:31

40andlols · 31/05/2022 12:22

If counter that by saying "you can't give equality when it suits"

You can't give equality?

Oh is this the tyrannical patriarchy

Casper10 · 31/05/2022 12:35

TeachesOfPeaches · 31/05/2022 12:24

@Casper10 I presume you've achieved equality in the bedroom as well as the dinner table? Thought not.

No idea on this one.

If a date told me I should pay because of patriarchy or other such similar suggestions Id struggle not to burst out laughing. I would pay out of politeness but there'd be no second date.

To be fair most women do seem to want to contribute. This place is so odd as it talks of equality etc but then will try to justify the opposite.

iklboo · 31/05/2022 12:40

This 50/50 nonsense just benefits men and makes life even more expensive for women.

I earned - and still earn - more than DH. Was I supposed to make him pay for everything when we started dating?

You can't give equality?

I think that's a typo - should say 'have'. Happens on here a lot. Especially as the sentence starts 'if' rather than I'd.

I presume you've achieved equality in the bedroom as well as the dinner table? Thought not.

What does this even mean?