Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The cost of dating- I spent £50 last night!

285 replies

Okclaro · 29/05/2022 11:24

It takes me a while to feel comfortable going back to someone’s or having them to me but this can’t keep up 😬

That was dinner, two drinks and a taxi home.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 29/05/2022 13:04

Was it a 50/50 split?

Time to suggest some cheaper dates, just explain you can't afford to many nights out.

Rewis · 29/05/2022 13:39

I've never been on a dinner date in the early dating phase.
Do cheap or free stuff. Picnic, walk, coffee, drinks, cinema, activity that you'd want to do anyway, walk around a market etc. Dinner and drinks is not the only option.

Original poster
Okclaro · 29/05/2022 14:16

This was 3rd date so beyond the coffee/ walk time - and it is FREEZING in Scotland just now so really not appealing.

I know it’s just what you need to pay but it’s a lot to be forking out every few weeks! I did get really outside the socialising loop woth Covid too I suppose.

That was halfers. No way am I expecting a man to pay for me.

OP posts:
DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 14:49

Agree with posters who say he should be paying. Your expenses are greater than his - clothes, hair makeup etc all cost more for us. Maybe a few months in there could be some sharing but I’d be wary even of that.

If this basic good manners and generosity isn’t there there is no point dating him anyway so you may as well find out early.

CupidStunt22 · 29/05/2022 14:52

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 14:49

Agree with posters who say he should be paying. Your expenses are greater than his - clothes, hair makeup etc all cost more for us. Maybe a few months in there could be some sharing but I’d be wary even of that.

If this basic good manners and generosity isn’t there there is no point dating him anyway so you may as well find out early.

What a load of bollocks. He should buy you dinner because you bought a pricey lipstick or bought new shoes?
The 50's called, they want their opinions back. FFS

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 14:55

CupidStunt22 · 29/05/2022 14:52

What a load of bollocks. He should buy you dinner because you bought a pricey lipstick or bought new shoes?
The 50's called, they want their opinions back. FFS

Show quote history

Rather than rudeness and bad manners, why not explain why this doesn’t make sense. There is no denying that getting ready for a date in the traditional way is more expensive for us. So overall each party will roughly contribute equally if he pays. Sounds fair no?

Original poster
Okclaro · 29/05/2022 14:57

No way is a man paying for me because I may or may not be wearing lipstick!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2022 14:59

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 14:49

Agree with posters who say he should be paying. Your expenses are greater than his - clothes, hair makeup etc all cost more for us. Maybe a few months in there could be some sharing but I’d be wary even of that.

If this basic good manners and generosity isn’t there there is no point dating him anyway so you may as well find out early.

I insist on halves and as a result have dated fewer arseholes.

DH is very generous and kind and we always went halves. Well, more turns but worked out as halves.

Insisting on men paying means you only date men who are basically a bit sexist. Except for going out with parents. DH fights over the bill with my father!

girlmom21 · 29/05/2022 14:59

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 14:49

Agree with posters who say he should be paying. Your expenses are greater than his - clothes, hair makeup etc all cost more for us. Maybe a few months in there could be some sharing but I’d be wary even of that.

If this basic good manners and generosity isn’t there there is no point dating him anyway so you may as well find out early.

So if his mortgage or car is more expensive, who pays then? What if he's wearing a designer suit?

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 14:59

Okclaro · 29/05/2022 14:57

No way is a man paying for me because I may or may not be wearing lipstick!

Well that explains why you’re finding it expensive then. Not complicated…

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 15:01

girlmom21 · 29/05/2022 14:59

So if his mortgage or car is more expensive, who pays then? What if he's wearing a designer suit?

Show quote history

We’re talking about the cost of the date itself.

girlmom21 · 29/05/2022 15:02

@DontBlameMe79 yeah the car he drives to the date in or the suit he's wearing on the date are exactly the same as the OP's make up (that she might not even wear)

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 15:05

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2022 14:59

I insist on halves and as a result have dated fewer arseholes.

DH is very generous and kind and we always went halves. Well, more turns but worked out as halves.

Insisting on men paying means you only date men who are basically a bit sexist. Except for going out with parents. DH fights over the bill with my father!

Show quote history

This isn’t my experience, I’ve found just as many idiots who try to go halves or worse.

Lack of generosity is very unattractive to me so I test for it early on. Others mileage may vary of course - but remember how many cocklodger threads there are on here. Start as you mean to go on.

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 15:06

girlmom21 · 29/05/2022 15:02

@DontBlameMe79 yeah the car he drives to the date in or the suit he's wearing on the date are exactly the same as the OP's make up (that she might not even wear)

Oh dearie me

CupidStunt22 · 29/05/2022 15:10

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 14:55

Rather than rudeness and bad manners, why not explain why this doesn’t make sense. There is no denying that getting ready for a date in the traditional way is more expensive for us. So overall each party will roughly contribute equally if he pays. Sounds fair no?

Show quote history

Don't tell others they have bad manners when you're leeching off unsuspecting men!

And no, it does not sound fair. It's no more expensive to get ready as a woman than as a man unless you want it to be, and expecting a random guy to subsidise you is pathetic.

CupidStunt22 · 29/05/2022 15:11

Lack of generosity is very unattractive to me

Then you must find yourself extremely unattractive. I imagine the men you date agree.....

Onwards22 · 29/05/2022 15:16

Does he drive?
If so could you arrange something closer to home.

I think taxi is the biggest expense so could you arrange something where you can get a bus instead?

And only drink soft drinks when you go out too.

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 15:19

CupidStunt22 · 29/05/2022 15:10

Don't tell others they have bad manners when you're leeching off unsuspecting men!

And no, it does not sound fair. It's no more expensive to get ready as a woman than as a man unless you want it to be, and expecting a random guy to subsidise you is pathetic.

Show quote history

You need to value yourself appropriately is the fundamental thing. This is another example of “right on” approaches to dating hurting women. Why we do it to ourselves I’ll never know. Men are usually so desperate for the chance of sex that they will happily pay, and whether they get it or not will be up to me. Remember, we are the prize in the dating world, not them.

Original poster
Okclaro · 29/05/2022 15:19

We both drive but the cost of city centre parking is outrageous too. I'm just venting really, because there's nothing to be done about it, it's just another frustrating part of dating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Okclaro · 29/05/2022 15:20

I don't have the words for that post.

OP posts:
40andlols · 29/05/2022 15:22

Yeah i feel the same. if i'm spending £50 i'd rather spend it going out with friends and be guaranteed a good time. Dating is a numbers game and if you're doing this with a new guy every week it's v.costly

Useranon1 · 29/05/2022 15:22

Why "oh dearie me" @DontBlameMe79?

@girlmom21 a point was an accurate rebuttal, why are you dismissing it?

HereIAmBrainTheSizeOfAPlanet · 29/05/2022 15:22

clothes, hair makeup etc all cost more for us

No they don't. Perhaps stop wasting money on these things and you can afford to pay for your own meals and drinks.

girlmom21 · 29/05/2022 15:23

Useranon1 · 29/05/2022 15:22

Why "oh dearie me" @DontBlameMe79?

@girlmom21 a point was an accurate rebuttal, why are you dismissing it?

She clearly doesn't do common sense, reasonable debate or anything 21st century. Don't worry Grin

Onwards22 · 29/05/2022 15:26

you’re dating wrong if you are paying early on tbh.

Do not listen to this BS.

It’s no wonder so many women aren’t seen as equals and end up in financially controlling relationships with these sorts of attitudes.

I can imagine these are the sort of women who try and find a husband just do they can stop working.