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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The cost of dating- I spent £50 last night!

285 replies

Okclaro · 29/05/2022 11:24

It takes me a while to feel comfortable going back to someone’s or having them to me but this can’t keep up 😬

That was dinner, two drinks and a taxi home.

OP posts:
Okclaro · 29/05/2022 18:53

Yeah, I'm not opposed to a McDonalds every now and again but I cannot suggest that as a date. No way.

We've been to the cinema and I enjoyed that, but it feels incomplete without a meal afterwards. It just all really adds up!

OP posts:
40andlols · 29/05/2022 18:56

No to mcdonald's from me too. The whole experience the stressful ordering and waiting at the front and the noise and the smell... would leave me drier than the buns they serve Grin

BiscoffSundae · 29/05/2022 18:57

McDonald’s as a date 😬 we are not 13 anymore!

alwaysmovingforwards · 29/05/2022 19:09

DontBlameMe79 · 29/05/2022 14:49

Agree with posters who say he should be paying. Your expenses are greater than his - clothes, hair makeup etc all cost more for us. Maybe a few months in there could be some sharing but I’d be wary even of that.

If this basic good manners and generosity isn’t there there is no point dating him anyway so you may as well find out early.

lol 😂

DontBlameMe79 · 30/05/2022 01:19

Nice to see some more realistic posters on here supporting some of my points of view. I was getting worried 😟.

Trying to act like men to feel equal is so misguided. We have to play to our strengths. We will always be different and thinking being equal = being the same is just sloppy thinking. And look at where it has got many of us…read the threads on here about crap men and the awful situations women have got themselves into. Keep your guard up at all times.

As for the people who insinuate that I’m acting like a prostitute because I value myself highly, please try to see through the red mist and THINK. This attitude that you have is not normal, is harmful to women and is the height of misogyny. You would think that was obvious but apparently not.

AnAfternoonWalk · 30/05/2022 01:40

DontBlameMe79 · 30/05/2022 01:19

Nice to see some more realistic posters on here supporting some of my points of view. I was getting worried 😟.

Trying to act like men to feel equal is so misguided. We have to play to our strengths. We will always be different and thinking being equal = being the same is just sloppy thinking. And look at where it has got many of us…read the threads on here about crap men and the awful situations women have got themselves into. Keep your guard up at all times.

As for the people who insinuate that I’m acting like a prostitute because I value myself highly, please try to see through the red mist and THINK. This attitude that you have is not normal, is harmful to women and is the height of misogyny. You would think that was obvious but apparently not.

Truth. I agree and wrote a similar post. It is indeed a red mist, great descriptor, unthinking and raging. Women raging that they must pay for their dates or else they will go apoplectic with hysterics haha they have no common sense. Then they get on mumsnet later and wonder why their boyfriends and husbands are stingy, with grotesque habits, and sending nudes to other women, and spending all their nights down at the pub leaving them to do all the housework and childcare. These women got exactly what they claim they are fighting against.

donquixotedelamancha · 30/05/2022 02:07

Agree with posters who say he should be paying. Your expenses are greater than his - clothes, hair makeup etc all cost more for us. Maybe a few months in there could be some sharing but I’d be wary even of that.

I wish people would read the thread. OP has already said she lives in Scotland, not 1952.

DontBlameMe79 · 30/05/2022 02:25

The view that I’m acting like a prostitute doesn’t even make any logical sense either.

I’m accepting his financial contribution - as in accepting that he’s paid for my chips, as someone earlier put it. Then I’m NOT promising him sex in return and feel no obligation to do anything of a sexual nature. If I felt like I should be down on my knees just after his credit card pinged in payment that would be different, but I feel exactly the opposite.

That doesn’t seem like a successful business model for a prostitute.

WomanHere · 30/05/2022 02:38

I personally would rather do what others perceive as a low effort date. I enjoy a walk or a drink and always date this way. I wouldn’t go for a meal with a man until a few dates in, such situations are more awkward if you’re not a good fit for each other and it’s harder to get away.

Pinkbonbon · 30/05/2022 02:59

It's really pretty grotesque how some people talk to women and then in the same sentence claim that oh they are great feminists because they always pay their way :/ Paying your way does not make you a feminist. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with doing so but please don't think it helps women achieve equality.

Women are more likely to be the default primary care givers, to do more house work, to have to leave employment to care for relatives, the list goes on...But oh diddums, theres a societal expectation for George from accounting to buy coffee for Sandra on the first date. Oh, the poor man.

Do you see men on boards debating how to help promote equality between men and women? Berating eachother for not doing enough for their wives at home. Do you buggery. Unless, (and ive seen a fair few on mumsnet) their wife has finally had a mental breakdown and so they aren't getting sex anymore and are scratching their head as to why.

And here we are, arguing over how gold diggerish we are to like a man to pay on a first date! Which, newsflash, he doesn't have to! The children won't starve and the house won't full up with trash if he doesn't. He can just say no, go home, and choose to never see her again.

When the bill comes, many of us are still conflicted about how to act and how men might view us as a result of it. About men's feelings and protecting men.

How much better the world would be in men and women put half us much time and consideration into how to protect women from real exploitation. Instead of George from accounts and his £2 coffee dialema.

Bard6817 · 30/05/2022 17:37

Equality and giving guys a hard time for being gentlemen.

I would always insist on paying and arranging safe transport, if i wanted to drink, that meant a taxi home from town to home. If same direction shared, if not, two taxis.

Dinner, drinks and transport were just the cost of dating.

Seems i’m old fashioned, never expected anything other than a smile and a thank you.

Worked out expensive, i didn’t meet my partner til i was in 40’s. I wish equality had come sooner.

TheJade · 30/05/2022 18:11

Is that all you doing your usual life? Do you not do any hobbies, for example I love going out walking or hiking. I totally get that that isn’t everybody’s bag, but is there something else you could do together whilst on your date?

pixie5121 · 30/05/2022 18:20

Bard6817 · 30/05/2022 17:37

Equality and giving guys a hard time for being gentlemen.

I would always insist on paying and arranging safe transport, if i wanted to drink, that meant a taxi home from town to home. If same direction shared, if not, two taxis.

Dinner, drinks and transport were just the cost of dating.

Seems i’m old fashioned, never expected anything other than a smile and a thank you.

Worked out expensive, i didn’t meet my partner til i was in 40’s. I wish equality had come sooner.

Ughhhhhhh gross.

So you weren't actually doing those things because you are a genuine nice guy or gentleman, you were doing them because you felt you had to. You wish equality came out sooner so that it would have been acceptable to send a woman home from a date alone at night on the tube, or make her pay for her own drinks or meal at a time women earned less than men and had fewer opportunities than men (and to be honest, this is still true). All the advantages of being a man and you resent the one tiny thing that benefits women a little bit.

I have never wished more that I was gay than reading this thread.

threatmatrix · 30/05/2022 18:26

Sounds cheap to me.

Xmasbaby11 · 30/05/2022 18:48

That's what I pay for a night out with a friend, cinema, dinner, couple of drinks and taxi. However, the difference is that I know I will enjoy myself and I only do it once or twice a month. I agree it's a lot of money when it's a gamble and you don't know whether you will enjoy it, and possibly you have to go out quite a bit to meet a few men. At the same time, you definitely need to be doing something, somewhere with an atmosphere that makes it easier to get along, and most people have limited free time in the day for coffee / lunch because of work. I don't know what the answer is really but it is a big cost.

AnAfternoonWalk · 30/05/2022 18:54

pixie5121 · 30/05/2022 18:20

Ughhhhhhh gross.

So you weren't actually doing those things because you are a genuine nice guy or gentleman, you were doing them because you felt you had to. You wish equality came out sooner so that it would have been acceptable to send a woman home from a date alone at night on the tube, or make her pay for her own drinks or meal at a time women earned less than men and had fewer opportunities than men (and to be honest, this is still true). All the advantages of being a man and you resent the one tiny thing that benefits women a little bit.

I have never wished more that I was gay than reading this thread.

No, no, no.

He was doing it because he wanted to, he is a genuinely nice guy, and a gentleman. His whole post was about wanting to do it. He was being sarcastic at the end, obviously.

Went right over your head.

MrsPetty · 30/05/2022 19:09

I’m with @Suprima it doesn’t bode well…

pixie5121 · 30/05/2022 19:16

AnAfternoonWalk · 30/05/2022 18:54

No, no, no.

He was doing it because he wanted to, he is a genuinely nice guy, and a gentleman. His whole post was about wanting to do it. He was being sarcastic at the end, obviously.

Went right over your head.

'Obviously'?

I've read a million posts like this from men and none them were being sarcastic, so I'm not sure how it's obvious.

Apologies if this poster was one of the genuine few.

Crikeyalmighty · 30/05/2022 19:22

Cinema with a cocktail /wine afterwards then OP. I don't think a meal has to come into it every time - is this something in your mindset maybe or his?? I know times have changed but when I met my H 27 years ago I don't think we had any meals out for first couple of months and I did see him 3 or 4 times a week ..

dogfishman · 30/05/2022 19:45

Am a chap and have been on dates with at least 30 different women. I've always managed to work out (I think reliably) whether she was rich, comfortable or skint either before or during the date. If she's rich, we split the bill; if comfortable then I might pay for the first one but would expect to split thereafter; and if she's skint then I'dalways pay. I've never had to spend £50pp and certainly wouldn't expect anything in return, nor would other guys I know. If she behaved like don'tblameme79 and refused to pay for anything then if she was a skint single parent, fine; but if she was earning about the same as me then I'd quickly conclude she was an entitled PITA and move on.

40andlols · 30/05/2022 20:01

@dogfishman that's a good point actually that i hadn't considered. i've always had the man happy to pay (apart from once and he was really weird about it, took offence when I asked what he did for a living and accused me of "assessing his resources" then said "just so you know, i'm not going to be paying") maybe it's because i'm a single mum.

dogfishman · 30/05/2022 20:53

40andlols any decent & solvent man would offer to pay in that situation, and would also understand if you wanted to ascertain that he had a half decent job. That's not gold digging, it's common sense. You did well to give that guy a swerve. If OTOH you had a good career, no dependents and your own home then I think for a guy to pay everything for months might be a bit much particularly if he didn't have all those things. Which an alarming number of men don't.

MrsLighthouse · 30/05/2022 20:58

As others have said, parks, museums, free events. I would find a a dinner definitely too full on for the first couple of dates . What if you know you don’t like him after 15 minutes , you’re stuck there for a good hour 😳

ruthgordon123 · 30/05/2022 21:37

Great idea!

Moonface123 · 30/05/2022 21:45

l don't have a car so l either walk or l once met someone who loved cycling like l do, we would cycle to a nice country pub, have a couple of drinks , maybe a snack, and cycle/ wobble back through the fields on a nice summers evening. (l did know this chap from work, not a random stranger ) he was a perfect gentleman.
I also have a love of gardening so have sometimes met up at a nice garden centre for a coffee, also close to where l live we have a big lake where you can hire a rowing boat, the lake is quite busy at weekends so you feel safe enough, we also have local miniature steam train rides popular for all ages, and various local village shows , farmers markets , car boot sales etc , you can definately have cheaper dates.

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