ED - Is it fair men are online dating with this condition?

[mumieone]

Controversy, controversy. I'm aware it's a serious medical condition affecting many men over the age of 40.
Due to lack of education (as with menopause with woman) many men hide thier problem and feel shame to discuss with GP let alone admit to thier partner, wife, date and will blame her, booze, lack of sleep, state of mind, porn....medication etc

MANY females I've known have encountered one of these men on dating apps. It's been traumatic for the woman who have felt that they just were not turning the man on. The men on the other hand manage the shame and embarrassment of thier untreated illness by serial dating online. They just "keep it moving" ...before the issue gets to be a problem they dump, ghost and move on.

My friend argued with one ED man who blamed her being vanilla and not "rocking his mic" so to speak as why things didn't work. He is classic as he has been online dating with the same photo +10 years. Moving from bed to bed blaming woman for his untreated medical condition

I don't think these men should be online. It's ruining woman's confidence having to deal with men not taking control of thier health and seeking treatment before dating and bringing such heavy baggage into a relationship then buggering off and leave woman traumatised & lacking confidence.

That suggests everyone stays with/marries the first person they live with?

I don’t know anyone who did that..!
Pretty much everyone I know had at least one split after living with someone, and then lived on their own for a bit
Few people want to go back to a flatshare set up after living with a partner unless they don’t have any other option

It's almost impossible to live on your own in much of the UK. In London, it's certainly a luxury the vast majority could never afford. The statistics show that only about 10% of the population of the city are households made up of single women, and a lot of those will be single mothers with kids (because 'single adult household' doesn't include minors iirc).

I don't believe for a single second that 'most people' ever live alone in their own flat. Plenty of people do stay with the first person they live with, or they go back to their parents for a bit, or they end up flat sharing with randoms or moving in with a friend.

I'm in a fairly well paid job and colleagues are surprised when they find out I live alone. It's really not that common. A lot ask how I can afford it.

I've always loved living alone, very happy in my own company

I can assure you, as someone who is now 50 and hasn't had anything like a normal sex life since my mid twenties due to two long term partners both with ED, that it is far from trivial. It is soul destroying, damaging and not so easily overcome in a lot of cases! I would give anything for a cure for men with heart conditions, diabetes etc to be readily available but if the pills stop working you have literally nowhere to go that doesn't cost thousands. I so wish the pair of them had been more honest with me before I got invested, especially the first husband who didn't show his true colours and drug free state until our wedding night!

houseonthehill

It is FAR from a trivial issue. Men want us to be understanding and we are! Just by the man not owning up and DOING something about it means that they EXPECT (and a damn big expectation) us to be ok with BAD sex an the constant let down every single time. The anxiety of is he going to be able to perform and am I going to have to HIDE my disappointment and say don't worry honey we are working on it together. WHY should the women have to go through the rollercoaster of never knowing on each sexual attempt if it is going to happen and be great or if it's not going to happen and she will have to be counselling him for the next hour to make HIM feel ok so he doesn't feel shame but at the same time hiding our own disappointment and let down.

To be fair even my mum said this. The guys with ED tend to be very caring and make up for things in other ways. Generous with time, affection etc...

The last guy I ever dated with that issue ....after yes a series of men I'd met over the years. Well when we first dtd and it didn't work I let it go but I was disappointed as hell. Second attempt on another day to dtd - I decided to BURST OUT CRYING. Rather than me letting him be victim I displayed I was the victim. I said exactly what I thought ... that either he had a problem or it was me. Either way I wasn't going to continue with him unless he took ownership. Well the relationship lasted 6 months (dreadful sex) but incredible affection. He had no interest in ever admitting he had a problem nor getting it seen too..
He went to date another lucky lady on POF.

OH BTW before each sexual encounter it had to be so well planned. You could just see it coming v. fake. Then he had to take his viagra x time before and wait for it to work and because the cost of it on PRIVATE prescription is rather prohibitive for your average horny bloke. He wanted to be sure we were going to dtd before taking it etc.
I always said I don't want to know when you are taking it - psychologic thing that KILLS the moment knowing he is taking a pill to get a fake erection ....its so so unromantic and a real passion killer.

When he would try to go discretely to take it I just knew - you just saw the man acting extra nice, trying it on, then checking if you are in the mood then taking his synthetic erection reviver ..omg. So tough for the women dating these men.So any deceit on top is too much.

Agree!

TBH. In todays dating climate especially online. Men bring little or mostly nothing to the table. Infact they are seeking a leg up by matching with a women with a home (so they can move in an cock lodge - meaning they bring nothing to the table but dick).

In such cases when dick isn't working ...and that is the only thing they are bringing to the relationship (don't say love and attention because a good men would love you enough to get it sorted out).

@mumieone
"TBH. In todays dating climate especially online. Men bring little or mostly nothing to the table. Infact they are seeking a leg up by matching with a women with a home (so they can move in an cock lodge - meaning they bring nothing to the table but dick).

In such cases when dick isn't working ...and that is the only thing they are bringing to the relationship (don't say love and attention because a good men would love you enough to get it sorted out)."

Could not agree more

Viagra is a poor choice for many - too full-on and short lived in its effects. Nowadays it's mainly of use for serious ED, especially in its usual prescription form. Alternatives like Cialis etc in its different forms can offer pretty seamless management of ED, if the bloke wants that.

But no ED medication gives you an erection - arousal does that, in the usual way. The pill just makes a response to arousal secure. The vast majority of men with ED can deal with it quite easily if they choose. Obviously there will be some whose underlying health conditions are really serious and put them beyond medical help. Those who just refuse to sort it are being a bit daft, really.

I think the man, men need to be honest.
And with their best interests at heart solve the bloody problem. Far too many men think it's ok to drink too much, be overweight and be in general poor health.
It isn't.

Yes, that and not having daft stigmas around the issue. In many cases, ED is caused by similar problems to those that make people's feet and hands colder as they age. In other ways, it can be seen as the equivalent of HRT. The health issues which affect efficient blood supply to men's cocks are common ones in middle and late age, for men and women. And attitudes like the OP's odd belief that a Viagra hard-on is 'fake' don't help either.