ED - Is it fair men are online dating with this condition?

[mumieone]

Controversy, controversy. I'm aware it's a serious medical condition affecting many men over the age of 40.
Due to lack of education (as with menopause with woman) many men hide thier problem and feel shame to discuss with GP let alone admit to thier partner, wife, date and will blame her, booze, lack of sleep, state of mind, porn....medication etc

MANY females I've known have encountered one of these men on dating apps. It's been traumatic for the woman who have felt that they just were not turning the man on. The men on the other hand manage the shame and embarrassment of thier untreated illness by serial dating online. They just "keep it moving" ...before the issue gets to be a problem they dump, ghost and move on.

My friend argued with one ED man who blamed her being vanilla and not "rocking his mic" so to speak as why things didn't work. He is classic as he has been online dating with the same photo +10 years. Moving from bed to bed blaming woman for his untreated medical condition

I don't think these men should be online. It's ruining woman's confidence having to deal with men not taking control of thier health and seeking treatment before dating and bringing such heavy baggage into a relationship then buggering off and leave woman traumatised & lacking confidence.

As a matter of fact, If ED was a disease that was putting life at risk, they would be treating ED. They’re not.

While i cannot disagree with this statement, health care professionals and pharmacists do have specific guidelines when men present with ED that point towards testing for cardiovascular disease, as ED is not really a disease as such.

www.guidelinesinpractice.co.uk/mens-health/erectile-dysfunction-is-an-important-marker-for-cardiovascular-disease/454259.article

Things might change if a general prostate screening programme was introduced into this country in the same way that breast cancer has a screening programme, but current PSA tests are reliable enough for that.

This was my experience too. And while I wasn't traumatised (I've experienced actual trauma, leading to cPTSD) it did affect my self esteem etc.

Not selfish but not kind to not disclose this at an appropriate time ...ie not to long. We know most men love sex.

A lot of women love sex too.

When OLD we go in assuming all normal..all functioning.

Anything that's falls outside of this ....that's likely to have an impact on the relationship or the other person's right to make an informed choice must be out in the open

If you have just come out of prison, if you have mental health issues, if you have hiv etc ...it's not really right to hide this

They get to decide if that's the sort of drama they are willing to allow into thier life.

Yes most don't want to talk about their ED or admit they have it let alone seek ANY help

Yes they eventually ghost after you've been through a rough time mentally putting up with it. Seriously men are not children they need to admit they have a problem at some stage and get help or tell the woman they have no interest in getting help and happy to continue to disappoint.

You need to disclose issues, debts...like crazy spending addictions or anything else that the other person is going to need to nurture you about.

Some people do not have the capacity to take on people's 'stuff'. Think of the person you are entering into a relationship with.

I wish people would put themselves in the other person shoes for a min and have a little think.

If you are struggling like that are you really in the right place to be dating? Dating is harsh enough as it is.

Because the same man online gas written to a number of us when we were online with the same invite (not aware we know each other).

I knew my friend dated him and how awful he was then ghosted her because he failed to get it up when they tried after some dates to dtd. When he wrote to me I said no thanks. He wanted dinner then go to his for drinks after .
We know that means for sex. I declined and said he shouldn't be inviting woman over knowing he can not function

Mine had the nerve to say I was mean because I started getting frustrated and telling him he really needed to go to the doctor or I'd have to end it. Six months I wasted! Six bloody months during the last of my best fertile years with this absolute sap who was basically incapable of having sex. He literally expected me to just keep tolerating it indefinitely. How do people develop so much entitlement?

It's not about wanting to date but in order to meet someone and have a relationship it's an unavoidable process

One unfortunately which isn't fun. Men don't even want to go on dates anymore they just want you dressed up in heels taking a daft walk by the beach in the rain or some dodgy pub or a coffee shop ..who wants to get togged up for a coffee. So boring honestly.

It would and does mess with every woman's head I know who has had to deal with a man with ED.

They are ALL every single of of them out there OLD saying it's never happened before (spin that around!! That translates to it is only YOUR vg or YOUR body that's not doing it for me).

And as for Viagra..no one finds a fake erection flattering.

Men shouldn't be going around spreading insecurities like this. Terrible thing to do it's a form of gaslighting.

I can also say that +90% of these men with ED have no intention of ever admitting it's a problem, speaking to a doctor or getting anything done about it.

Then they will get Viagra and the cost (private prescription ...they will start talking about the costs). Doubly killing the whole vibe.

Lol been there. You can wait but tease him. Put your hand down there on occasion, brush passed it etc....if the reaction and if it stays up. But don't go all the way...say you are waiting.

No man on earth would refuse being touched ,'horny buggers'

All the women here trying to shame other women for wanting the truth and loving sex are truly outing themselves as starfish bed layers. Keep telling on yourselves…

You need help if a woman who wants a healthy sexual life is so abhorrent…. At any age.

You also need to get the few brain cells clanging round your head to feel something for the women who bent over backwards (literally) to excite a man only to be blamed because of this or that…. Never disclosing their broken tackle. He hasn’t a working member so it’s a woman’s fault I guess?

it’s her fault huh?

Its not wrong for women of any age to want sexual satisfaction and honesty…. Also to not want to have a mans inadequacy projected upon her.

By all means, keep telling on yourselves! It’s hilarious! You haven’t got hold of the plot yet but I’m rooting for you!

I really am, because I am well taken care of and I understand that sexual fulfillment and honesty is actually a thing (some poor summer souls haven’t that knowledge) and I feel bad for these women.

To blame women for a problem they haven’t caused is wrong….. notice….. women don’t ever tell men it’s their fault when they have a physical problem…. Wonder why?

Hoping OP doesn’t listen to these chicken heads clucking to mask their inability to realize that they deserve more…

These dissenting women popping off about not wanting to be judged about their parts not passing muster (so i guess you’re wrong to want honesty) don’t understand that they’ve never projected their perceived physical failure on the man they are with.

These dry birds need to link all the advice men ask for because they can no longer excite their women. They need to provide the heavy evidence that men get blamed unfairly when women have these issues and how men in these situations want to excite and please their female partner in order to have a mutually fulfilling sex life…. I’ll wait.

Clown world timeline is what we are living in.

PS isn’t it crazy these types of ED men don’t take pleasure from making a woman feel good? Hell, if your knees where quaking you’d be less likely to care and you’d feel closer. These types are selfish in bed and not worth any high value woman’s time. Leave ‘em for the low value women….

Same as the other thread, just dump the softie and move on, plenty horny blokes to go around

Tell us you spend six hours per day on Female Dating Strategy without telling us you spend six hours per day on Female Dating Strategy 😂how's that working out for you...

Are you in the USA ? as you don’t need a prescription for viagra / Sildenafil in the UK , you don’t need to see a Dr just a pharmacist and, for men with chronic ED the pills are cheaper than having a fancy coffee.

I was about to post that ED destroyed my marriage but it didn’t. My ex husband’s refusal to face it destroyed our marriage.

You’ve really opened my eyes to something here. My current boyfriend. We’ve been together over a year. At first the sex was very regular, some issues but nothing major and I just thought it was his age. The issues got worse and I realised he was on medication (he never mentioned it before), did my research and it can cause ED. So I blamed that. We were down to sex once a week, maximum. During that session he’s okay. If we try anymore than that, nothing. Or nothing much anyway. He kept saying this has never happened before, he didn’t know why. Then I found cheap Viagra in his bedroom, he said he never needed it but his last fling was a lot younger and wanted it more than he could manage. Said it didn’t work for him and made him feel sick anyway so he stopped using it. Said it wasn’t a problem she just wanted it too much. Well clearly I want it too much too because once a week isn’t enough for me but he seems happy with it, he doesn’t bother to use the Viagra with me (I’ve counted the pills) and we only have it once a week. It’s good when it happens! He never “tries it on” and it always has to be started by me. He’s always shocked when it doesn’t work (even when it’s regular). Never blames me to be fair to him but also won’t admit there is a problem. Won’t talk about it afterwards. Then he started a new medication which killed his libido completely, and even my once a week wasn’t happening. Eventually he was able to stop all medication and the problems remain, although his libido has come back slightly (months later) so it clearly wasn’t those. When we started talking online he claimed to have a high sex drive, would never turn down sex, if he did he was obviously sick etc etc. He doesn’t bed hop though to be fair to him, he just denies there’s a problem- blames tiredness, time of day, stress, anything he can. But this really doesn’t wash after 6 months or more. I’ve just accepted it now. Once a week is better than never! I do love him and I’ve very invested in the relationship now. But what worries me is it getting worse as he gets older.

Forgot to say, he always makes sure I’m satisfied (once a week anyway). And when I start things and he can’t perform then he will try to satisfy me in other ways, he’s pretty good at it. But I love PIV, other things are great but that’s what I want from sex mostly so it does bother and affect me. To the point I don’t even bother trying now, I can satisfy myself and just wait for him to indicate he’s in the mood (even then I have to “start things”). I say all the right things as I’m aware I could make it worse and I do care about him, but it’s not easy.

@NeverNoticedBefore this is the perfect example of what this thread is about. This is why they don't talk about ED because this is the result they are hoping for.

I know. Genuinely never thought about it this way before. I know that sounds stupid. But it’s like it finally makes sense now. I’ve never blamed myself as such, and he’s never blamed me at all but I do have very low self esteem anyway so being told it had never happened before was a bit of a knock to my confidence.

@StarCourt i don’t blame them for wanting a relationship with someone who loves them and who is ok with the sex side. If this were an issue with a woman, we would say they should be loved for who they are etc etc But I guess it is fairer to be up front about it from the start, so it is a choice whether to get emotionally involved or not

Bingo.

They want us to drop our standards and expectations lower and lower, not get any of our needs met but still pander to their precious 'feelingz'. All because they're too pathetic and weak to actually admit they have a problem and seek medical help.

It's incredibly selfish and cruel.