ED - Is it fair men are online dating with this condition?

[mumieone]

Controversy, controversy. I'm aware it's a serious medical condition affecting many men over the age of 40.
Due to lack of education (as with menopause with woman) many men hide thier problem and feel shame to discuss with GP let alone admit to thier partner, wife, date and will blame her, booze, lack of sleep, state of mind, porn....medication etc

MANY females I've known have encountered one of these men on dating apps. It's been traumatic for the woman who have felt that they just were not turning the man on. The men on the other hand manage the shame and embarrassment of thier untreated illness by serial dating online. They just "keep it moving" ...before the issue gets to be a problem they dump, ghost and move on.

My friend argued with one ED man who blamed her being vanilla and not "rocking his mic" so to speak as why things didn't work. He is classic as he has been online dating with the same photo +10 years. Moving from bed to bed blaming woman for his untreated medical condition

I don't think these men should be online. It's ruining woman's confidence having to deal with men not taking control of thier health and seeking treatment before dating and bringing such heavy baggage into a relationship then buggering off and leave woman traumatised & lacking confidence.

Are you repsonding to the OP or just the thread title?

My friend argued with one ED man who blamed her being vanilla and not "rocking his mic" so to speak as why things didn't work. He is classic as he has been online dating with the same photo +10 years. Moving from bed to bed blaming woman for his untreated medical condition

How does she know this? I mean the photo bit is obvious but how does she know he's been moving from bed to bed blaming woman for his untreated medical condition?

this might be bollocks and sorry if someone else has already said this but I think some men are addicted to very vigorously masturbating (sometimes quite extreme) porn to the extent that they aren't able to get physically aroused by normal sexual contact. Disclaimer: nothing wrong with masturbation, lots wrong with porn (in my opinion)

And a very good idea too.

In my dating experience this is so so common. Men who bury their head in the sand and won't do anything to help themselves. I couldn't understand why so many men in their 50's I dated only wanted intimacy if it involved kink. Then it dawned on me it was because of ED issues. They tried to skirt the issue by having a wardrobe full of floggers, rope, dildos etc but would not face the fact they couldn't get hard

Why? So you can waste even more time? The guy I dated with ED wanted to 'wait until we knew each other better' for sex. Thought it was sweet at the time, that he wanted to build a relationship first and wanted something long term. No, he just wanted to get me invested before unveiling that he couldn't get an erection and had no real sex drive either.

Not falling for that again.

again with the anger and projection
It is not surprising men with standards don’t want you if this is how you are

I’m baffled as to what has given you the impression I have low standards…

Ive been happily married for 10 years, to someone who makes me incredibly happy, is a brilliant dad, partner and friend and shares my outlook on life in every area, including sex

good luck with your continued awful dating journey

I think that any serious medical condition that might make someone think twice about a relationship should be disclosed early doors. Either they'll be fine with it or they won't, the decision should be theirs.

I went on a date with a guy who had a serious, progressive, neurological disorder which would mean he would be dead by 50 and very disabled for a good while before that. He knew from my profile and our chats that marriage and children was my goal so I don't understand why he pushed for a date and didn't tell me before. He was a lovely guy but couldn't have children and would need a carer within 10 years. I was never going to take it any further.

@SW1amp If you are so happily married, as you claim, why are you lashing out and wishing another poster an "...awful dating journey"?

Look at your pathetic internalised misogyny. A woman remarking on things is 'angry'. God forbid a woman would have opinions, eh? Want to be treated well? Expect honesty and decency? Would a man be considered 'angry' for expecting basic decency and not to be lied to and misled?

Plenty of men with standards want me. I've been asked out twice in the past fortnight and have declined. I'd rather be single than be with someone I'm not highly compatible with. If that means being single for a long time, then so be it.

I'm sure your pickme ways make it much easier for men, yes. You'd probably have dated my ex and thought he was amazing and brilliant. Women with low standards don't often realise they're so low.

Because people who yap about 'projection' are always the first to do it themselves.

It's so laughably transparent.

I don’t think I’m lashing out

I posted an opinion and a very chippy poster accused me of gaslighting, internalised misogyny, has made some amazing assumptions about my standards, my relationship etc

She is clearly a very angry person, and her posting history shows she has a very unhappy relationship history, and is very unhappy about it all

It saddens me when women aren’t able to have the relationships they want, but when someone is this rude and openly angry, it doesn’t surprise me that she isn’t inundated with offers from decent men

You posted a nasty, gaslighting post minimising the very real effect of dating men with ED who blame their female partners for it and then you didn't like when I (rightly) told you what I thought. And now I'm 'angry' for pointing out your shitty, victim blaming opinions and your arrogance in thinking you get to decide what other women are traumatised by.

You don't seem like a good person at all, so perhaps your idea of 'decent' is rather different to mine.

@SW1amp

This is part of the first post you made in this thread:
And if a woman is genuinely ’traumatised’ by a man she has just started seeing not being able to get an erection, I think she is the one not in the right place for OLD, not the man

You accused another woman who says she was traumatized of not really being so. How can you tell? Were you there?

No I didn’t

read it back again…

I said if someone is so easily traumatised (quoting ‘traumatised’ from the OP) then the bin fire that is online dating is not a good place for them

If that is all it takes for them to be traumatised, they need therapy

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Sounds like the guy I’m dating..

I've never tried online dating, but I can imagine how it might possibly be traumatic to be blamed, for what is actually ED, during something as intimate as sex.

Yes, I think anyone in possession of even the slightest bit of empathy could imagine how that could be traumatic.

@SW1amp

You can read that back again. It's a direct quote from you. It doesn't say "easily" anywhere, nor in the rest of that comment.

It's not so easy to backpedal on a forum where you can't change you comments, now is it?

well first of all, I’m sorry but this is NOT a serious medical condition. Yes it isn’t make it hard to have sex but it won’t stop you living your life. I think we need to start by stopping to massage men’s ego who somehow think that their worth is directly inked to the size of their erection.

this kind of comment shows a lack of understanding of what long term ED really means, for guys with the occasional issue with new partners etc, its certainly not an issue, but long term ED for older men points to heart issues, potential prostate cancer, pulmonary hypertension and several other life altering and life ending health issues .

don’t take my word for it.

www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/018-low-testosterone-in-men-professor-geoffrey-hackett-dr-louise-newson/

if anyone reading this is in a relationship with guy 40 + with chronic ED , please listen to the podcast linked above as the guy might be on the road to a heart attack or even early grave, ED is a symptom of this, but you need to look at the bigger picture and not just ED in isolation.

Well I have a chronic condition that means I’m functioning at about 30% of what normal people can do. Yes that includes jot being able to cook for myself.
The rate of suicide fir people with my condition is 6 times higher than normal, because it’s that so shit to live with it.

So yes I have no issue saying that ED is not a serious problem, despite the effect it has on MH. Because yes I’m also aware it can affect those men MH.

Having said that, the issues you are mentioning (heart problems, diabetes etc…) are linked to ED because they are the CAUSE of ED. Which means people are not suffering from a serious Heath issue because of ED but because they have another issue, that is serious yes. But it’s not the ED that is at the root if their problem.
As a matter of fact, If ED was a disease that was putting life at risk, they would be treating ED. They’re not.

So no, I think I actually have a good idea of what LT erectile dysfunction can do. And I maintain that ED is nowhere near the most serious health condition you can have.

Depends on the man. One of my online dates was upfront that he was asking meds that affected him, and he did have a problem maintaining it, but he's got a tongue and fingers as well, and ensured I had a brilliant time. And there are other men around his age (mostly men in their 50s) who definitely don't have a problem with ED. But an imaginative, caring man with ED is probably going to be better in bed than a selfish bastard with a strong, long-lasting erection. <looks pointedly at last night's date>

@EBearhug I totally agree with you.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I know you were answering the PP's point but this can be another example of men burying their heads in the sand and not talking about it or seeking help. Which really is the point of this OP.

@StarCourt yes I agree with you, I’m a man in my 50’s who freely talks about Men’s Health to anyone who will listen and it pisses me the way many men adopt the ostrich attitude with health in general not just ED.

I saw my father die of cancer a few years back due his ostrich attitude about health & it really changed my attitude, so I’ll keep banging on about ED and why it’s a potential early warning sign for men for more serious issues.