Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

ButterflyOfShay
you said HELLO ! 😂
this is heating up lady

@Lovemusic33 i think youve got to assess how he's making you feel - sounds to me like he's making you feel a lot worse than you would if he wasn’t about so that immediately says to me get rid! You sound absolutely lovely - he isn’t worthy!

@Thisisworsethananticpated honestly I’m so excited haha!! I say hello to everyone lol but with him it feels huge and significant! Need to try and be chilled however as no idea if he’d see me as attractive or nice or anything!

@SortingItOut glad everything’s good with you… I’ve had 5 sessions of therapy but feeling like I don’t want to go anymore as kind of run out of things to say and feel like it’s a slight waste of time in a way?? Feel like I’ve come a long way and don’t really need any help now 🤍

Regarding sexuality and women

I think it’s one of natures cruellest things how womens libidos drop when they have small children to tend for
thread after thread on this
and argument after argument caused
and worse ….

and I agree Men sexuality is on the whole pretty linear !! I find it quite hilarious

mine went for far too many years ! came back whenever i got a crush on someone at work
then came back with a vengeance in summer 2021

My heart was thrashing babe! Felt like I was going to have a heart atrack 😂😂 I'm so uncool haha x

Such a good observation on mens libido being linear 🙂 I always learn from this thread x

ButterflyOfShay
id say the constant checking out , looking at each other , coffee shop gazing means there are reasonable odds he does like you

what we need next is drinks or a BBQ that your friend can arrange and you can rock up

make it happen 😂

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

embrace not being bothered ! the mental peace 😇
cops are also super busy , I’d allow some flake to anyone working in the police or medical
only some , mind you

Pretty sure there is no one else. I have known him on and off (online) for several years. He’s a bit of a loner and does spend a lot of time on his own and working alone.

I'm going to just try and forget about him today, I’m going to work for a bit and then have lunch with dd.

go and find him and do some flirting, and you will be fine…

@ButterflyOfShay I think yours is through work, if you stop now can you use the unused sessions in the future or is this your lot now?

I think that you may need more once you get into a relationship because things can trigger us that we didn't see coming and it's good to talk it through.

My counsellor offers one off sessions so if in the future I need her I can get an appointment at quite short notice.
The things that have triggered me over the last 9mths have been surprising soI know there might be future things that also trigger me so its good to know she is there in the background.

Is 63 too old for OLD? Had a look at a few websites, and a close friend got lucky, but it all seems to be older men wanting younger women, and most of them describing themselves as 'attractive', when they just really aren't!

I was widowed 19 months ago, so still feeling quite vulnerable and not sure that I have a thick enough skin for all of this. I don't think that I even want a LTR at present, as nobody can replace DH, but I am sick of being alone and I miss intimacy.

I Suppose what I meant was if you could somehow measure libido on 0 to 10 scale teenage boys go from 0 to 10 almost overnight as puberty kicks in, then as they move to adult life it will settle to whatever for that person, say 7, and will pretty much stay that though out adulthood, with small fluctuations for meeting new partners, going through stressful times etc, but pretty much describes a mostly straight line over time, tailing off in older years.

where as women’s seem to fluctuate based on hormone levels, life events, etc, so I could see how a woman could move from wanting more sex to less sex more often than us boring old men.

In fact, even writing the above I’ve realised that my sex drive is probably beginning to tail off and that ms H possibly wants more sex than me, if we ended with each other, I’m not really sure I would even want to try and begin another relationship, or even think about sex again 🤷🏼‍♂️

Definitely not old. I agree with men’s egos in general. They have a very elevated image of themselves as they age. You can start a nice relationship keeping your space, home and time to yourself to start with. I don’t want to live with any man as I have teens at home and prefer a love interest that allows me my time and space. Just enjoy it and check your suitors well

This is very confusing…MrC has been suddenly messaging a lot and he’s looking forward to seeing me next week and doing stuff. I text very little to be honest but he’s the one keeping this thing going to be honest. It’s still really difficult to see any other iron I fancy physically as I fancy him. And, oh well, sex with him is out of this world…however…I’m starting to realise the one who’s not emotionally available is me. I think it’s not him…it’s me 😂😂😂😂

I don’t see why not, but yes, older men do tend to look for younger partners, sorry, that’s just how things are really. If you do find your age, intimacy might be an issue, be prepared for low sex drive and not very hard erections / ED and viagra ( if you are thinking about sex ).

I am pretty sure that I read a thread on here relatively recently that said that women in the peri menopause can have a surge in their sexual appetite, where some can see their desire for lots of sex increase significantly. I was probably one of those women but I could never quite work out whether I was feeling this way because I was suddenly single again in my mid forties and for the first time in 20 years I was dating again or if I was thoroughly amazed how many men seemed to find me attractive and I was taking full advantage of what was being offered. Now I am settled in my relationship with Mr V ( and maybe his ED has played a part in this) I don’t have the same level of need for lots of sex. Or maybe I do but I know it’s not going to be a feature of being with Mr V.

This ( what I am about to say) kind of links to a theme that came up on the thread yesterday and the underlying issue that some people find when they are not sure what the other person wants or is offering. It was similar in content to a conversation I had midweek with a close male friend who has had a couple of ‘dates’ with someone he knew from school. He’s lost his dating mojo, having been predominantly single for a few years. He was expressing his frustration that women are often very ambiguous in their behaviour and he’s not sure what signals his recent date is giving off. In his case he’s being cautious because they haven’t met in a dating context although she is definitely single. I gave him a shove and told him that he should make his feelings or interest known otherwise he could become ( he has already) over invested in a situation. Equally though his date should also make her feelings clear- whatever they may be. If you find yourself saying ‘ oh this always happens to me’ then it may be time to look at what you are doing that keeps putting you in the same position.

God, men as a class are so awful. I don't know why they feel they need, and are entitled to, younger women.

(sorry if this doesn't seem productive - it is just totally rage-inducing to encounter this type of male entitlement. I consider men who insist on a younger woman to be poor quality options anyway - self selection)

I think if they have money and a power job…they can date 20 years younger. Even if they are really ugly and are oafs. They can’t see the younger woman is dating money and position not the man himself.
I date my age and around it but I know it’s a lost war for most of us as we age
We do loose amazing younger years with pregnancy and little kids too as @Thisisworsethananticpated mentioned and I think most couples I know could not survive the kids/fertility years and divorce loomed at some point in later years.
I don't believe in ever lasting love unfortunately. I think I have a few years left to enjoy myself and feel loved and admired but honestly…after you are 40…window starts closing even if you are super fit

@Mila14 I'm 46 this year and not super fit - god help me 😆😆😆

@Slothmomma …NONSENSE…you are beautiful and sexy with it😊

@Mila14 too kind 🤗

Well quick update from me - Mr local stayed in touch and called round this morning before work as both childfree 😆 we had fun 😁 time is still limited for us both but we are planning to see each other again - when we can

I feel all flat and disappointed.. it’s pathetic!
Saw mr turk walking up the road today it was just the timing was out as he was just crossing as I was continuing to walk. No chance to say hi.
Going for a big day out tomorrow in a new area.. see some new sights and do new things.. just break up the week! Im irritating myself with the fixation 😂😂😅