Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

This sounds very familiar to Mr Cherry. Though it sounds like your iron doesn’t want a relationship but is probably worried someone else will snap you up. I really don’t understand it. I think I have been friend zoned too, I really don’t know what happened today, it felt odd like he just wanted the company not no intimacy, but a couple days ago we were kissing and touching.

@Lovemusic33 mine was fully invested..more than me..poss too much in ways so it’s baffled me. We did end up sleeping together but he did tell me odd things like ‘I may not want to’ ‘I may want to’ ‘that be had low libido’ of which I’m pretty certain he didn’t. Mixed messages galore.
I don’t know how a guy can go from that to suddenly thinking we’re ok to answer a ‘hi how’s you?’ And be mates?!

what did you find hard about the date? (Minus the sexual frustration?!)

Oh @Lovemusic33 sorry to hear that 😔 had he had a bad day?? Maybe he wants to take things slower if you met up recently (yesterday?) ? Hope you're ok try and think positive x

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow he might not think I’m good looking! Maybe he was scared.. lol I don’t think im very scary though. Hoping my pal is going to do a bit of instigating behind the scenes though not sure what she’s got in mind!

I so agree it’s the sparkle in life isn’t it? Absolutely love it 🥰

I’m really not sure, he seemed stressed when I got there but then ok when we were out. I saw him 2 days ago but it was him that said he was free today or tomorrow. I’m ok, just feel a bit rejected and confused. He hasn’t messaged me to check I got home ok or anything and I really can’t be bothered to message him. He’s been single a while and I think he may be (or has recently been) depressed. I have been gentle with him and not pissed for anything but it’s starting to make me feel like he doesn’t fancy me.

Bless you @Lovemusic33 maybe he just wants to take it slow and just enjoy getting to know you, last guy i was dating it was 3rd or 4th date before we ever kissed. I guess not every guy is rushing to have sex.. he sounds like a nice guy? I think he likes you… hang in there! 🙂

He seemed a bit erratic at first, really on edge/stressed, we then went out and it just felt like we were going out as friends, no hand holding, no kissing, just general chit chat. Then went back to his and it just felt like he didn’t want me there so I went.

Minus the sexual frustration?
it’s so fascinating reading this thread, I never really used to realise that women get sexually frustrated , used to think it’s just a male thing.
not sure I have ever dated a sexually frustrated women ( sexually disappointed after being with me, quite possibly),
I just pray that women don’t burst out laughing or run of the room screaming when I drop my pants 🩲 that and the blood dripping out my knob, doesn’t put them off either…, jeez

I think a lot of men (and some women) don’t understand that woman crave sex, especially at certain times during their cycle, hormones have a lot to answer for.

I would absolutely not be pursuing this.

I’m sorry but awkwardness and no hand holding or physical contact AFTER a date where you’ve kissed and been physically close is something that warrants some sort of explanation from him because it’s obvious it’s a change and is noticeable. And no checking to see if you got home okay. NO.

My last iron also didn’t text to see if I got home okay and I just think this (alongside other indications) is a sign of limited attachment romantically.

I think dating is a bit of no-win situation for some men, if you rush to sex, the woman will say you only want one thing, if you wait a bit it gives off the vibe you are not interested..

ibelieveinmirrorballs I agree, it feels like I’ve done something wrong. He’s not big on sending messages anyway so rarely checks up on me. I usually message him and thank him for the date (or for taking me out). I haven’t bothered this time and the fact he hasn’t bothered to check I got home ok kind of says a lot.

I think most of the time it’s about being in tune with each other.

I’ve never thought a man who wanted to kiss/be physically affectionate was “just after one thing”, it’s a dance between the two of you by the time you get to that point.

I think men who are “only after one thing” are mostly very good at making that clear way before you actually meet - usually by being utter sexting bores or just having no interest in any other conversation.

Well - how dare anyone be leaving you feeling as though you have done something wrong.

It sounds as though his heart isn’t in it and he’s not been bold enough to be upfront about it. I only say that as this sort of confusion doesn’t really happen when the person is genuinely keen (and I’ve been on the receiving end of the confusion!).

You don’t need to be making excuses for him (the old ‘maybe he’s shy?’ line) - he’s not making you feel good. Why are YOU having to text him thanking him for the date? NO.

Hi all.

nothing to report with me. Mr C has been off grid doing that thing that always happens when a date is suggested and completely not discussing arrangements. The strange thing is although I do like the sound of him, I’m not really bothered. Is that bad? I think it’s because I’m not over invested in him at all. It does feel good to feel that way for a change ❤️

PS. Lovely news on the Turk front, @ButterflyOfShay ❤️

Have to say reading your update @Lovemusic33 its not sounding good? It kinda sounds like he’s actually with someone already and is feeling guilty about seeing you??

Thanks love 💓💓

I think women have just as much libido as men, if not more! I was completely sexually frustrated in my last rship but like @hotnakedgelato my ex used lack of intimacy as a control technique. Well he tried to… then I fucked him off, no room for an abusive twat in my universe.

@ButterflyOfShay 💗💗

I’ve read through all the thread now and have learnt so much!
Joined Match last sunday and have three dates lined up, three “irons” for Friday, sat and sunday!
Cant quite believe this! All seems very odd but fun and exciting too!
Been a very long time…!
Shallow I know but I’m enjoying the choosing the outfit, getting ready aspect the most!

Yeah, I never really thought about that, I suppose an issue that some couples have is it that mens libido is more linear, our (mens) sex drive just kinda’is’ , whereas as@Lovemusic33 says woman’s can fluctuate, so I guess as different time periods one person or the other will be wanting more (or less) sex than their partners.

@ButterflyOfShay how’s mr K?
Thanks for asking Shay, he's good, we're good, just doing our thing.

I've finished my counselling now, it's done me so much good, I'm so pleased I went.

How's yours going?

Great news on speaking to Mr Turk🤞

Lovemusic33
I’m also less enchanted with this one
for you
others have given wise insights

i just think you deserve someone who makes you feel sexy and wanted and keep you smiling
and he’s not doing that , and hasn’t been since forever.

id be deleting him , not texting and if he does try and make
contact ask some fairly direct questions before you grace him with your time x