Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

hotnakedgelato

sounds like a rock in the road , which happens to us all
and maybe not a suprising one

I knows it’s hard to NOT react
but maybe 🤔 have a think
you are both upset right now so maybe a
conversation needs to wait a few days

hang tight

sounds Like a good night Mila

i thovk good sex and intimacy can stir up a lot as it makes you really like them
and then you overthink
at least I do

Jealous of the sex fest.

Im hopefully seeing Mr Cherry tomorrow (4th time) and I’m desperate to have my wicked way with him but also nervous because sex can be a deal breaker and I really like him. It’s really important that I find a match in the bedroom department, I find it hard to compromise 😬

Sounds like Performance Anxiety,
he might like the longer sessions as it mentally reduces the pressure to get and keep and erection, whereas you wanting “more” sex, he might feel the pressure to have more erections and satisfy you ( poor choice of words but I cannot think of any phrases),
TBH, I’m in the same boat with Ms H, I’m pretty sure she would like more sex (in the time period we have together) than I can really manage these days.

I think this is where the long term relationships comment comes in, as I can see how this would “even out” the sex to daily or every other day etc, rather than 3 times a night etc.

@Mila14 Mr C sounds like a fun companion, but you have definitely had reservations about a more serious relationship for some time. Seems fine to just keep seeing where it takes you?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow i would find the bleeding bit frightening in the moment and would worry while it was healing, but wouldn't be put off overall. You must have really been going for it!

@Mila14 You need to talk about sex. Everything else is perfect and you can and should get this sorted.

I think that this is right. We both like each other enough after 3 months to want a serious LTR. This is hard to find.

@Stepcount thanks for sharing your experience with MrV. Mr S has successfully been able to have full sex several times now, but it does seem to be dependent on how he is feeling emotionally. I think this might just be part of the package with him - I love how kind, sensitive, and in tune with his emotions he is. The other side of the coin might be..this

@Thisisworsethananticpated I was feeling utterly dreadful this morning, and I still feel weird and off, but I know that I need to try to take it in stride. My ex used to withhold sex for months and months and it really scarred me. But MrS is not my ex and he's definitely very affectionate in ways that my ex never was.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow thanks for this perspective. An LTR where we have daily or nearly daily opportunities for sex would be ideal (though not if it's a 2 hour session each time, ain't nobody got time for that).

Unfortunately, I have been trying to keep him separate from my daughter and my nerves are absolutely frayed from this effort. I don't feel able to sacrifice myself fully on the altar of motherhood when it looks like I have an opportunity to have a great relationship with someone really wonderful and kind. I'm starting to think that I am going to have to incorporate him into our lives so that I don't go nutso, and maybe the sex bit will work itself out in this way too (though so far I have been too worried to have sex with my daughter in the house).

Based on what you have said, it sounds like you and Ms H have a good, steady thing going on. It sounds like she's content enough even if you can't offer an endless circus ride of sex!

You must have really been going for it!
no actually, ms H is post menopause and we usually use lube, but didn’t this time (mental Note) and err, well, not fun.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow 😨😨😨

Lovemusic33
and maybe you shall join the sex fest !
have a nice time whatever happens

My ex used to withhold sex for months and months
oh that’s a horrible thing to do
why 🫤

My ex used to withhold sex for months and months
that’s unbelievable - can’t understand why anyone would do that, it’s stupid

He said that we didn't feel close and intimate enough because we kept arguing (background was a clear intimation that I was too troublesome and difficult to deserve affection)

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-technology/new-dating-app-uses-dick-pics-for-profile-photos-to-save-everyone-time-20220610222070?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR3vSx6luXaDQ8dYMHzL0up9B6fL3gAm0g6UAR5BVYfN2O3bWfxPa_VoAEU#Echobox=1654876358

Hope you feel better tomorrow gelato

Another funny daily mash dating one

@hotnakedgelato I'm sorry to hear things with Mr S have not been smooth sailing.
background was a clear intimation that I was too troublesome and difficult to deserve affection Have you asked if your intimation is correct? If you haven't it is a big leap from just not feeling close.

Are you actually arguing or having discussions/debates?
Arguing this early in is not great but discussions are fine.

I'd be worried about him using his ED against you and you feeling like you can't raise issues in case he doesn't feel 'close and intimate' and can't have sex with you. You should be able to raise issues.

@SortingItOut sorry, I was unclear - this was the background with my toxic, emotionally abusive ex! Mr S has been at pains to tell me that nothing about this is my fault and he is extremely cuddly and affectionate, sex or not.

@hotnakedgelato Phew, sorry I got the wrong end of the stick.

Saw Mr ex yesterday and took me to very swanky resto. Had awesome evening. It made me remember how important it is to click culturally and in joint interests. I told Mr C not to come this evening as I’ve got a cold. I haven’t texted him at all today and I don’t particularly feel like seeing him right now. I’m busy for the next week or so and have the kids so I will go quiet. I need a second iron I think. It’s not enough being nice and a gentleman and give you awesome sex… the mental connection is not there …I will talk to Mr C next week when and if we meet
I didn’t DTD with Mr ex but we had a kiss or two. I think we want to not pass any barrier that would jeopardize our friendship. I told him I would see him from time to time but no bedroom action whatsoever.
I am having a “ meh” day ☹️ and I’ve got a cold !

Mila14
i knew it !
why is he an ex ?
fair enough , he might be upset though as I thovk he likes you no ? Mr C I mean

Mr C is still in the picture but a conversation is needed. Mr ex and I have been back and forth for the last 6 years. He’s not the person I want a LTR with. There are many things I don’t like about him and his life. He’s in a transition and I don’t feel we can be FWB… resentment and demands come in that play so I better keep him as a top friend.
I don’t think I can fall in love with MrC either…but it’s soo difficult finding good irons I like …
patience …

@Mila14 whoa, it's amazing it just took one meeting with someone you do connect with to put you off MrC. I think that this is important - when you go too long without meeting the right kind of man, you can totally lose perspective on what you need to be satisfied in a relationship.

MrC has called and WhatsApp. He’s looking forward to seeing me in a week.He’s being nice and concerned about my cold. I think we deserve to get together and for me to tell him what worries me
Both MrC and Mr ex are ultra busy men ( I quite like this so I do my thing)
I can’t see anyone more attractive or more my type than Mr C … so it’s tricky to find better options
Mr ex is very attractive too I must say 😝

@Mila14 well at least you seem very tuned in and in control. I envy your relaxed approach about not seeing irons often. I find myself getting insecure when we dont meet up. I would so love to be more chilled at times but also realise my need to talk about what I need a year in. Hes calling tonight after work to see me before I head away with my daughter so I'm hoping to just chill and not get into anything too heavy tonight.