My fiancé wants to have days out with his Ex

[Badger9591]

I would like to know if I am being unreasonable; my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all
his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships. he expects me to go to events and gatherings that she will be at and if I don’t want to go he’s going to go regardless. I don’t want to put myself in a position where I can be antagonised and put my safety at risk. We have a little girl and are engaged and it seems he would rather put these gatherings before my safety and well-being. She is always posting things aimed at me and tries to get a rise.. Am I being selfish?

You don't have the slightest intention of listening to the advice you've been given, which is basically unanimous, btw. You're just going to carry on and allow this man to ruin your life and the life of your child.

The moment you get married your will becomes null and void until you make a new one.

I am not a lawyer and maybe lawyers here could comment, but if the new will excludes your husband, I think he could possibly challenge it -or try to - on the basis he has your DD to raise and the assets 'should be for her'..

I'd suggest making a trust for your daughter and have an independent trustee to administer it for your daughter's benefit.

Oh well crack on then. Be happy and all that.

If some posts on here are to be believed many women tire of their men to some extent after a while. Would it make sense therefore to accept upfront that you’ll end up wanting to spend less time with him, and so come to some sort of sharing agreement, where he spends one week with you and one with her?

@Badger9591

Seriously, OP please, please get some proper professional legal and financial advice. I very much doubt what you are thinking about protecting your assets would not stand up if/when challenged in court.

I just don't understand why you'd consider legally shackling yourself by marrying this uncaring man and put your - and your child's- financial security at such risk. I'm sorry - being in love just doesn't cover it. Be sensible please and take measures to protect yourself. 🌹

OP this is ridiculous. Of course you keep your child away from anyone doing class A drugs. Just like her father should. You don't allow them in your home.

You make the house a company asset and your will is no longer relevant. You could lose the house if business goes bad.
You keep it as a marital asset and when you divorce it'll go up their noses.

Why are you staying with him? Why are you the special one who's going to stop him cheating?

You aren't listening to any advice on here op. HE is the problem, not her. HE chooses to socialise with her. If he cared about you at all, then he wouldn't put you in that position. The fact that they always gravitate to each other means it's not over between them. He purposely puts himself in situations where they get to spend time together knowing how she behaves with you but he still chooses to do it. That is your problem right there.

@Badger9591 please don’t marry him. He’ll have a legal claim to your property and money and other assets. He’ll use this to treat his ex/current gf (seems like they never broke up).

How long have you been in a relationship? When did you get engaged? Is the Dd both of yours?

Why are you with a serial cheater? You need to be a good role model to your dd - leave him and show your dd that she shouldn’t stay in a toxic relationship.

Well aren’t you a lovely little cash cow no wonder he doesn’t want to break up with you and he’s manage to have a baby with you you’ve just fallen hook line and sinker for this shit.

you are in a wonderful position you sound fairly smart just dump him and meet somebody nice, it’s so easy honestly it really is.

I think you both should split up. Because it is toxic.

in terms of prenups etc; If I do marry him I’ll put this property as a company asset and just be a director so that should prevent him from getting any of it..

I really hope this is a wind-up now.

Do you own a business? Have you ever even worked in one?
Do you know how to offset a privately owned property as a company asset?
Do you understand your responsibilities & liabilities as a director?

Who fed you fed you this bullshit that you're spouting?
Because even if you could pull off the points above - your husband would still 'own' half the company asset, ie half your house.
ANYTHING you own, no matter how you dress it up via company structuring or financial instrument - will be owned 50% by your cheating scammer husband when he decides to divorce you to liquidate it.

And again for the hard of thinking - in the UK, there is no such thing as a watertight prenup.

Dump him.

and please please speak to a good divorce lawyer before you marry this pathetic excuse of a man to make sure you fully understand what's at stake should you divorce. For your daughter's sake if nothing else as you could lose your home...(including your sister)

I’m just concerned that I’m being unreasonable stopping from going to gatherings where she’s there;
Totally unreasonable.
You need to send him off with a smile & a wave to the next gathering she is at.
And then never welcome him back.

I don’t want my little girl around someone who is doing class a drugs and could try and attack me..
It's a bit late for that though isn't it?
It was too late as soon as you decided that, despite his committed relationship with his mistress, you were going to be The One Who Changed Him. When you decided that having a child with him was a dandy idea, & would bring him to heel.
When he trots off to these 'gatherings', do you seriously imagine he stands at her side while she ingests class a drugs, but remains angelically sober himself?
How long will it be before these gatherings are regularly held at your "sociable house" - because you are unable to say "no" to your fiance?

And if you marry him - you won't be able to say "no" to him bringing anyone he wants to your house - which will now, legally be the marital home. They'll be staging 'gatherings' at your gaff, off their heads on coke, shagging in your guest room before you know it. That'll be lovely for you & DD.

@KettrickenSmiled makes a good point actually @Badger9591 how long do you think it will be before social services remove your child from you to protect her from your boyfriend and his mistress and their antics? Somebody will report you and no doubt those dick heads will give evidence against you, thinking that it will turn out well for them.

or they’ll do something that will mean you end up in prison and that potentially put your child at their mercy, remember that poor little boy in Birmingham who was murdered by the idiot father and the stepmother. That only came about because the mother was imprisoned for murdering her boyfriend due to domestic violence. Catastrophic turn of events.

He's a cheater. You may have a dc together but you'll never be able to trust him. Focus on your child and your business and stay away from the drama.

You've had pretty much everyone here telling you he's a cheating scumbag and to LTB and don't even consider marrying him but you seem to be entirely focussing on whether you're unreasonable to not go to events that the ex girlfriend will be at????
Why are you focussing on that???

So no, you shouldn't go to the events because YOU SHOULDN'T BE WITH THE SCUM BAG!!!!

Jeez.

The drip feeding, super focused on events with the ex rather than calls A drugs and cheating scumbag fella ... pretty sure this one is a wind up now!!

Why are you even thinking “if” you marry him! He is vile and seems to be in love with someone else. And your house / company idea is not going to work!

Why are you even considering still marrying him? Even if you don’t decide to leave him what benefit could you possibly have from marrying him?

Do NOT get married. Keep your assets for your DD. Whatever devices you try marriage can override them. You feel uncomfortable now you'll be in a much worse situation.

Set your boundaries if he flouts them please get rid.

He is in a relationship with her and you are the other woman. If you were to marry him she would make it her lifes mission to have sex with him and parade the proof in your face. They can't live together you say, and clearly cannot leave each other alone.
Save yourself years of suffering. Hand the ring(assumed) back and ask him to leave. Perhaps he can be a good father, he sure as Hell will never be a good partner.

I’ll be honest, I inherited close to a million when my brother died so the house is paid for outright so I am a little sceptical as she will be laughing if he left me for her.. I don’t know what to do as I want to make it work for the baby’s sake

Good grief. Do not marry him.
She's playing the long game here and he probably is too.
You marry. He hangs around for a while. She's still on the scene.
You end up getting divorced. He gets his hands on quite a lot of your assets.
They'll be laughing all the way to the bank.

You have to get rid of this loser now.

Run like hell. Don’t marry this waste of space. End things. Sod the gatherings, just dump him and don’t go back. You won’t change him. My XH wouldn’t stop drinking/doing drugs for the sake of his family, and he fucked off with OW (tbh the best thing he could have done). Your “D”F won’t stop either. He probably loves the idea of two women fawning over him: you being the gravy train and the ex/whatever the hell she is being there for the sex/drugs/rock and roll.
Please don’t screw yourself over because of this guy.

my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships

And you blame her for this?