My fiancé wants to have days out with his Ex

[Badger9591]

I would like to know if I am being unreasonable; my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all
his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships. he expects me to go to events and gatherings that she will be at and if I don’t want to go he’s going to go regardless. I don’t want to put myself in a position where I can be antagonised and put my safety at risk. We have a little girl and are engaged and it seems he would rather put these gatherings before my safety and well-being. She is always posting things aimed at me and tries to get a rise.. Am I being selfish?

The other thing here is, if she’s hung around long enough to see off ‘several relationships’ and is still around during yours where you’ve had time to conceive, carry and give birth - and with you saying ‘little girl’ rather than baby, I’m assuming your relationship is years not months? Then she isn’t going anywhere fast.

And the reason for that is he’s actively encouraging this. If he’d said ‘I’m with Badger now and it’s serious, we’ve got a child, you need to back off’ unless she’s sone kind of masochist, she’d have got the hint.

The other option of course is he’s just so handsome, witty and irresistible she just can’t keep away 🙄 In which case do you want to be part of his ego boosting cheer squad?

Whatever you do, do not marry this guy unless you can ring-fence every penny of your inheritance.

Please do not marry that man, OP!

If he's not prepared to cut the blatant homewrecker out of his life then why would you risk losing half of everything you own for him?

That would be a HELL NO, from me!!

Think of your child and keep you both safer by making sure that if he does do what he's ALWAYS DONE and start shagging her again then you are in as good a position as possible.

Get a bloody grip and dump this twat!!
Why on earth would you want to hang on to such a loser!!

Did your relationship with him start after you inherited 1 million pounds?

Was the baby planned?
If so, was the planning after you inherited?

Is he some sort of loser that every woman in your locality has had and you feel 'lucky' he has chosen you?

I really hope I'm wrong but the cynic in me thinks he's with you for money and his ex will always be his main woman and they probably don't really care about the other having their bits on the side. They like playing games, that's their relationship.

As someone has already said - don't marry this loser.

Days out…… riiiight.
He’s doing a Charles and Camilla on you. He’ll marry you and keep up his relationship with her. There will be three of you in the marriage. Only your situation is worse than Diana’s because the other woman sounds completely toxic.
If you have any self-respect whatsoever, bin him right now. If you marry him you’re a gullible fool.

Just take a moment and imagine this scenario:

You get married, find out he's shagging his ex and you have to sell your home to give him half of the marital assets. You and your DD lose your security and step on the property ladder whilst those fuckwits put a deposit down on a new house to shack up in. Using your inheritance. Your brothers money left to you.
How would that make you feel?

It's a potential outcome. Get rid of the cunt.

Wow. As others have said, you need to re-frame this. If I am reading it right your partner has cheated on many previous partners with this woman, and is now telling you that he’s going to go out and see her?

She’s not the one who’s wrecked his relationships, his cheating on them has.

You do understand what he’s going to do when he sees her, don’t you?

Or worse - you feel trapped because of the house situation. He will use this to his advantage and you'll be trapped between selling up or watching him shagging about.

Right now you have choices, independence, security for you and your daughter. You'd be insane to risk that by marrying him.

You hold the power cards here, you're in a strong position. There is no way in a million years I would have anybody in my own home who was trying to intimidate me. They'd be getting physically removed.

He's putting this woman before you.

Tell him to fuck off, your future self will thank you for it.

He is not going to leave her. He’s possibly going to have her round to your lovely house and have ses within her in your bed while you are out though, if the picture you are painting of him is at all accurate.

So you already feel about 1 cm talk because you've given him a perfect life and family but he's so fucking special you're not enough for him. So his sad ex who he's dumped a 1000 times is gloating because he's still fucking her despite how much you've got on offer.

Do you not see how sad this is?

So you marry him. He keeps fucking her. He divorces you and he keeps 1/2 the house and 1/2 the money. The money that the person left to YOU and your kid. Not this rampant arsehole.

Are you normally this down trodden? Please find some self respect. And if you can't find some borrow ours. We will all happily guide you through the process of getting shot of the walking STI.

What everyone else has said. You have a 'does whatever he wants and always cheats' fiancé problem not a batshit ex problem. Getting pregnant and having a child does not make a liar and a cheat magically faithful. So that was a miscalculation.

If she is genuinely harrassing, stalking or attacking either of you, go to the police. Someone needs to set some boundaries. It should be you with him, and him with her. If his account is accurate. If your account is accurate. I wonder what she would write?

He’s probably telling her he can’t leave you because your mental or unstable or you’ve threatened suicide.

She might think he wants to be with her and your stopping him.

Is it worth him taking your child along when he goes, so she can get to know her future stepmother while it’s still all relatively cordial?

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN!!

You will have to give him £500k when u divorce because he fucked his ex ... he is using u for the money. Run away while u can!!!

So he’s a womaniser and you decided not only to marry him but have a baby with him.

You’re full of brilliant ideas, aren’t you?

Jesu it’s depressing seeing what trash women tolerate just to have some cock.

Hopefully you gain some sense and don’t allow this hornball to steal your inheritance before he fucks off with his lover. Get regular STD checks, obviously don’t marry him.

Well this puts a new spin on things. Oh dear god, please do not marry this idiot. 😱For your baby's sake as well as your own.

Sorry OP, I'm afraid I agree with this. Really time to get your self respect together and kicking this person - who does not have your interests at heart - to the touch. 🌹

Your fiance is the problem, not his Ex. He allows her to ruin his relationships and they don't just end up sleeping together when he's in relationships, as if by magic...he is a willing participant.

Why did you get this far in a relationship with him, knowing he won't put boundaries in place with her?

my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships.

Um ... what is it about your own relationship with him that convinced you that he won't be doing exactly the same to you?

Why on earth have you agreed to marry him? A licence won't stop him fucking his ex.

btw - his ex didn't "ruin his previous relationships". Your fiance & his dick managed that all by themselves.

I think you should be magnanimous * "allow" him to have his dats out with her.
365 of them a year.
You will be too busy working out your swiftest route to the hills, with your child, too worry about what he's up to, won't you?

She is always posting things aimed at me and tries to get a rise..
Stop obsessing over this woman.
Start looking hard at your fiance, who is allowing his ex to goad you, & is goading you himself with his "I'm going regardless" attitude.

He's revelling in it.
Stop playing the Pick-Me Dance FFS.
www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-humiliating-dance-of-pick-me/

Am I being selfish?
No. You are being outstandingly, breathtakingly naive.

we have a child that is going to get hurt by her twisted toxic games!

Only if you stick around, allowing your fiance to keep hurting you & your child with his twisted toxic games.

I cannot fathom why you are with this sad excuse of a man...just why??

Fucksake.
All right then, in for a penny in for a pound.
Let's assume you're not jumping the shark here OP.

Why are you risking your child's financial security by marrying a man who is stringing you along for a marriage certificate that could gift him up to half of your assets?

How are you going to feel when you have to sell your lovely "very sociable house" to pay him off, & he swans off with your cash to buy a shag pad for his ex? Which is obviously what is going to happen.

I really hope you are teasing us.