My fiancé wants to have days out with his Ex

[Badger9591]

I would like to know if I am being unreasonable; my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all
his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships. he expects me to go to events and gatherings that she will be at and if I don’t want to go he’s going to go regardless. I don’t want to put myself in a position where I can be antagonised and put my safety at risk. We have a little girl and are engaged and it seems he would rather put these gatherings before my safety and well-being. She is always posting things aimed at me and tries to get a rise.. Am I being selfish?

I don’t know what to do as I want to make it work for the baby’s sake..
😂😂😂

You can't "make it work".
He doesn't want it to "work".

He wants to shag his mistress, marry you, continue to shag his mistress for as many years as he needs to document in order to have a substantial claim on your estate, & then divorce you. So he can shack up with his mistress.

"For the baby's sake" - if you are for real - dump this loser before her father steals her fortune. You have a home, & money - nothing is stopping you from raising your baby: she doesn't need this man in her life as anything other than a very part-time Disney Dad.

If she lives in the UK - she can't.

If posts here weren’t so carefully vetted for truth I’d be feeling some doubts at this point.

As it is though, I’ll just try some honest advice.

OP, would a polyamorous relationship work here, where the three of you all move in together, live as a family, and share the parenting?

It really doesn’t work like that. You cannot take a person’s child’s away based on them saying that they want to retain a social relationship with their ex.

my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all
his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships

🚨 Alarm bells 🚨

Unless he's prepared to go low contact with her and make you and your child a priority over her then it's curtains for your relationship I'm afraid.

Do they have any children together?

It really doesn’t work like that. You cannot take a person’s child’s away based on them saying that they want to retain a social relationship with their ex.

Oh I'm sure OP will give him all the contact he wants.
It won't be much - he's far more interested in his mistress. And OP's money.

Why would you make this up? There is nothing there to suggest that he would not want custody.

Also if you do marry him strongly consider a pre nuptial agreement to protect your property/assets/savings.

If he's not prepared to sign one then this will tell you everything you need to know.

😂😂😂😂😂
@SlightlyGeordieJohn I know we've clashed on other threads, but have to congratulate you on tone AND content ^^ here.

Also your Tough Love upthread, where you advise OP to send DD with fiance for the 'days out', so she can become accustomed to her future stepmother.

Thanks, it’s kind of you to say.

Again - in the remote possibility that this is genuine - there is no such thing as a watertight pre-nup in the UK.

FFS don't encourage this OP to run down the aisle with this scammer ...

You cannot be serious?

Cheers. I'm just full of the milk of human kindness, SlightlyGeordie.

If OP is for real & if she sees the light & ditches him my money's on him either running off into the sunset & leaving her with the hard work ...
OR
... if she is foolish enough to obtain a marriage licence with him prior to one of them ditching the other (no guesses who will instigate), he will go for full custody.

She’d have good reason to be laughing: she’d be enjoying his half of your inheritance.

OP, really sorry you lost your brother. That sounds very tough.

But you absolutely must not marry this man. You don’t need him, or marriage, for your financial security or stability. If you marry him he becomes entitled to half of what you have. He would waltz off with your brother’s money.

He has no respect for you if he continues to have any contact at all with an ex who behaves like that.

Please, put your baby first. Keep the baby’s relationship with his Dad, keep a relationship with him yourself IF he cuts this woman off on a permanent basis. But do not squander yours and your baby’s money on a man who is not trustworthy and respectful of you.

OP cut and run.

Ditch his ass. Don't even accept the "I've cut her out etc" because he won't have. You'll marry him and then he'll take half your inheritance. If he promises he's left her and never will speak to her again, get a pre nup that states he cannot touch your inheritance should you divorce. You'll know then why he's really marrying you.

I actually thought your post was a joke at first as I honestly did not think anyone would be so naive as to think this bloke is decent, husband material. He's a lying, cheating scumbag

Do not marry him. He's told you that he's a serial cheater. He's the problem, not her

He can't sit on 2 chairs. It's very unfair on you.

I would ask him last time not to meet her. If he is not protecting you from her, I would end this toxic disrespectful relationship.

So why is she his ex? Why did they split up?

For gods sake do not marry this man, he will cheat on you, you will get divorced and he WILL take half of your assets. Listen to what everyone is telling you. You and your child do not need this in your life.

Just a thought, please tell us you did not put his name on the deeds.

They broke up because it was toxic and they were cheating on eachother with lots of their friends.. they keep going back and f.cking eachother as they must like to do that.. they have no kids or any commitments; they didn’t even live together.. I spent all my inheritance on this house so it’s all tied up in this property and it’s in my name; I’ve made a will that my daughter gets it all; my sister will get to live in the house until she is 21 at £1 per month.. as I think it’s important that the house remains in the family.. I would hope my sister would take her upon my death if he didn’t want to.. but either way I am protecting my assets so he can’t have anyone lording it up in my house if something did happen to me.. in terms of prenups etc; If I do marry him I’ll put this property as a company asset and just be a director so that should prevent him from getting any of it.. I’m just concerned that I’m being unreasonable stopping from going to gatherings where she’s there; I don’t want my little girl around someone who is doing class a drugs and could try and attack me.. she seems to get completely wasted on drink and drugs and I’m just worried for my safety if she tries to provoke me.

OP I say this as gently as I can... you would be out of your fucking mind to marry this man.

You can’t just “put” your house as a company asset, and even if you could, there’d be an assumption that the company would be split 50:50 too.

If the polyamory thing I suggested above isn’t to your taste would hiring her as a nanny work better? Keep her close, see what’s going on?

Ok so your fiancé and this ex have not fully split and are still indulging in their toxic relationship. You are not unreasonable asking him not to go to these gatherings but ask yourself why does he still insist on going? He is choosing her over you & dd.

why do you want to marry this man? You will be constantly competing with his ex.

If you marry this twat your will will be null and void.

You still don’t get that the problem is him and not her do you? Be a parent and get out of that relationship for the sake of your child.